The Change

now have i become another person?

the person who believes the way you act and the quality of life that one lives, defines who you really are. for myself to achieve that sort of new contentment, is still a long, long way to go.

occasionally having conversations with the few people who are able to lift me up and having me ponder over my life, gets me lost in the highway - unfortunately. and in fear of being alone in the car.

perhaps a little less conversation could help.

i am losing my track and at this moment i could really use some lights.

Build God

people are moving forward. it is that time of the year again - watching the people whom you enjoy working with, or not - leaving. sometimes we are just not given the right time to raise the inner voice in our head. for i am glad where i am at present, still i wish i could have been at more places. places where the inward journey is achieved.

like everyone, i am not getting any younger. i for the first time in my life, feel like am beginning to find God. the strength is so empowering i feel like having someone in with me in this. life is so beautiful when you are able to feel.

during this Lunar New Year, I was home and it is never enough. as cliche as it is, the parents deserve more happiness and good health.

please please give me the opportunity to fulfil.

From Last to First

2011 ended in a good note. it has flown by too unbelievably fast - only till the month of October last year had i realise it was actually 2011. it feels like i was just making a sheer appearance and now it is already a new year, it is now 2012.

perhaps i was really so caught up with my own world - i did not even realise i have not been posting for more than a year. it shivers me, there was nothing left to say in year 2011, at all. procastination must have taken over me - more so, the hustle & bustle of the City.

it was a big transition for me. i have had few diversions from the usual to the current. it is indeed a new year, i am amazed by my own actions in a flashback. with the risk that im taking, i know as hell challenges are bound to be. i cannot say that i am ready but i am absolutely willing to face the consequences. come as it may, i am contented with who i am today.

thank you life.

flash from heaven

perhaps so tied up with work. and with nothing. i dare not face myself.

this catatonic body in troubled waters is killing me diligently. i need my inner strength back. people are happy in their lives, why am i not? nobody cares.

it ain't one of those days until i cry.

love all; hate none

as i hover my mouse to the 'sign in' link, i am totally oblivious to the exact date that i last posted in here. i know it must have been quite awhile. my dear readers perhaps no longer do their routine drop-by anymore. especially with the likes of Facebook, Twitter, Tagged and whatsoever, you name it, not that im attempting my best to catch up with trend. i only have a Facebook account for that matter. call me whatever you like.

please excuse me, i know its ridiculous to say that, oh im too busy with this and that, and i have no time for my blog. bullshit, they're all excuses. i have learnt that im sorta running away, so far from grace. i am too childish to be independent. i dont admit that i feel fortunate at times. i dont admit that i do feel pretty sometimes. in retrospect, i practically only complain about life and have never come to treasure the things that im blessed with.

thank you so much for being so patient with me. im learning how to live, i wish i could grow old with you-know-who-but-i-doubt-if-you-would-ever-read-this. i want to be appreciative. i want to be a better person. personalised and captivated by wisdom, i will learn to love to live, to love.

i hope you hear me.

alwys

i wish i could turn back time. there are things i have said and i alwys feel like saying the same thing over and over again. am i being too stubborn? righteousness is a positive attitude but i guess its taken its toll on me. there's no way i can see light again.

people think im young. perhaps the problem lies in me, i will never have that kinda life i wish i had. it aint fairytales darling. lets face it. this is your life, it is my life.

im getting way down. he told me if i carry on with the right attitude and i will go far. there's alwys price to pay darling, sacrifice to make or rather. what kinda path do i wanna choose? is this that kinda question whereby evryone would ask? doesnt it sound cliche to you? to me, hell yes and i actually find myself being immature right now. i dont need anyone to tell me what to do, i know wht is right and what not.

i wish i were 10 years older.

it was with me.

and i got it. im contented and im relieved.

its another passage. i cant wait any longer to see the real me.

***

i used to wish i could be a better person in your eyes all of the time. i know though no matter how hard i try i am still gonna be me and it doesnt change the fact that i am all alone in this. you didnt knw what i found out all along thinkin we were set but boy i feel so sad for you this time, that nothing's gonna bring back the old days.

cuz i am now awake.