it's raining right now..if you know me well, you'll know that i love rainy days..especially when it's drizzling..if you would come to me for the repouse for loving it i would say perhaps it sings out the fears and sorrow that i've been going through all this while..well, the pain and sorrow never ever leave me once, they're always there..the days when i'm wrapped with peers around are the days i'm actually out of the reality..i never dared myself to face it..even now..
i feel the agony whenever those problems trace after me for the answers..i'm just a young pubescent kid, please, i cant afford to lose anything of my own now.. please dont ooze away my frivolous charm that i used to have..real long ago.. man i miss those days..when i had the chance to fool around just to touch everything i wanted.. and no-one would scold me..even if i've broken a costly vase.. but this just a mere nostalgia which never can happen again.. you get scoldings and mumblings and bla-bla..all these crap and i would call it gribberish!!!!!
it's ridiculous that i dreamt about a guy whom i used to compete my results and homework with..and how he would think wayss to bully me..well, you might rack your brain to even have a laugh to thinking, 'com'on, carm's bullied by someone??' haha..sorry okay i was way too innocent to have realised about all the tease and cry thingy..lol..talking about bullyin..there was a girl who is now so-called my darlin, bullied me real loads! she used to pinch me and all..and treated me like a fool..haha..somehow i cant turn back the time..those days are gone..even if she's my 'darlin' now..we rarely even contact each other..strange case, isnt it? back to my dream, i was like in heaven ya know, having him around and everything was so great..we were playing swings..n all..but the dream was so vague..i can hardly recall what i was doing IN there..where i do not have to frown for solutions..sigh..
at times i really hate myself..having inherited all the bad gens sigh..it's really buzzing me off you know, and everyone would take it as a 'compliment' to flatter you..CRAP!! sometimes cant really blame them though, when they're bombarded with thoughts that having vulpine intelligence is dominant..but come to think of it, who's to blame? no-one.
very recently i came to notice that every word i say just seem to be bringing misfortunes later after that..perhaps it's best when im saying nothing at all..thanks to ronan, for inspiring me with this..i'm really sorry..i think i've hurt quite a few friends of mine despite my fetid mouth that bites....your heart..sigh..also, i cant really express myself...argh! even so, i still wont express myself straight to the point..well, am i repeating doing it now? lol..i just cant do it..and i wont do it..for fear of losing privacy perhaps? excuses eh..haha..
all right, after blogging these out, i'm feeling much better now..the rain just stopped..and it's cooling now..woohoo..enjoying it..hehe..well for those of you who are still reading this, haha.. i would like to come clean..lol..you might find it sort of ridiculous but still i have to say this, i'm trying to avoid foul language..haha..if you dont mind..replace all my 'arghs' to *beep*..hehehe
ciao for now. muah!
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