Comfort

again here, feeling so slack.. dont feel like moving you know..apparently i'm listening to westlife's album..for once i was their die-hard fan...for once, too, i thought their music were mediocre..right now, a lot of memories traced back from the olden days..actually i must not deny that they actually accompanied me throughout the days when i was having my ups and downs..

how i wish i could turn back the time..but no regrets in life..never will i let myself fall into a condition when everything is hopeless ever again..yeah..you got it right..i have actually gone through a period when the whole world just seemed so grey to me..everything was shattered so badly..i dreaded to stay on that place *trying not to use foul language* but i just couldnt help..it was a total loneliness..there were always someone who cared but you know, i kinda behaved in an ignorant way.. am really sorry for the ones who cared and thankful of course..

why do we have to face failures in life..why are there barricades ahead stopping me from reaching my goal...why cant i just lead a simple life...why does everyone being so ignorant..why do i not have a witty mind..why am i so dumb..why am i so unlucky...why why why and why!





the little voice in my head is telling me that there are always the good things in life..



will they ever walk out on me??

Heartstrong

out of the blue just feel like blogging again..surprisingly today is wednesday and it's kinda strange because ever since some time ago i refused to blog during weekdays or rather schooling days..let's just say today's special..nah..none special occasion in particular..perhaps my heart is taking me to a new direction, a new pathway and here i come, again!

i am getting rid of these blues... it would be the umpteenth time for me to saying that i am turning over a new leaf.. a reborn life and i'm still alive, thank god for this..an official reincarnation i hope and i want it deeply from the bottom of my heart..really..i yearn for my heart to be alive again...starting anew..because a new day has come!

my head's lost but i'm heartstrong!!

Broken

actually there's nothing much for me to blog about, i just wanna post something here..you can call it passion.. you know, me blogging my heart out..it's all true and genuine and real facts.. i would never lie to my own diary or whatever you call it.. i dont know why, i'm so numb..i'm so moody..things just dont go my way..everything is destined to be, i'll just have to face it and live my life to its fullest...i must pamper myself..who knows what's gonna happen to me in a second.. i might be gone.. i might be making my way to knock on this sort of paranormal door.. of course i will not think of doing some idiotic mistakes and you know what i mean..i have a lot more things that i have not accomplished yet.. a lot! somehow i feel extremely down-cast. i have no idea what stikes me but i know there's somehing wrong.. i just cant express it in words..only that kinda feeling..

there was this terrorist attack in london yesterday, i bet everyone has already heard of it, or rather, even saw the video online or the actual attack which was telecast live yesterday on tv.. i missed it and i'm feeling left out because everyone around me seem to have already watched it..

sometimes i just cant make it on my own..

Tasks

it's another week closer to Heaven.. with that pendulum swings second by second, my heart seems to skip another beat.. man it kinda pressures me..oh no, it does pressure me.. everybody is talking about the spm now, and i'm still nowhere to be found in this barren empty space i'm spinning.. anyone please stop me.. for your information, my addmaths tasks have already exceeded the due date man.. never will be done..sigh!!

i am a slacker but i seriously dont think i'm lazy.. am i? shit..

Yahoo!

what a great day i have!! thks!! to everyone and You staring up above, whoever or whatever it is or you are, i am thankful!!

first up i went to school to collect my report book, it was cool.. thanks for my sejarah teacher, mr vejayan, who gave me such big motivation and talked so much good things about me in front of my dad..perhaps those are true..so excited..

and then..got back home and dressed myself up in a rush for the VI's Installation cum International Understanding day.. it was yet again, cool! especially the Danny Gan Project, it was way awesome man!! keep it up yo~ and if i get it right, the Floaters, it was awesome too; they performed well, again if i'm not mistaken, The Bravery's and Pearl Jam's..cool thing!! haha..alrighty, then it was like..the sketch, *laugh out loud* i dont like sketch seriously, but i guess they did a great job coz it actually got the human beings around me laughing like nobody's business..hehe..once again, their refreshment was sponsored by Dunkin Donuts...so..u get it eh..yummy!! hehe..

okayz, i got back right then by daddy's car..haha..and rushed to grandmama's place for her celebration..birthday party i mean..cool man...we took darn lots of pictures..and all the things that most of the parties do, we did it! go figure.. well, this time is a slight different, coz it aint anymore chocolate banana or tiramisu, it's icecream cake this time, *burpp* the 7up gas was like eww, hehe..okok, back to my icecream cake, wow! brilliant and thanks for adding few kgs for me..reeaally appreciate that!! LOL!

pictures are right up! by the way, happy birthday, grandmama!!

Hmm

oh, i was only told today that i got third place in the inter-class debate..not as excited as i thought i should be though..

Congrats!

yeah today's tuesday! haha..so what's up for today? if you are one of my readers in the previous posts, i bet you already have something in mind..about what should be happened or rather, held by now..haha, yupz! you got it damn right, i had my interclass-debate at school today.. hell yeah, it's finally over! phew!

the title of the debate: money is everything. i'm one of the opposition team's members, which is more to my own point of view. i never think that money is, ever everything! it does entertain us by providing us luxuries. we do enjoy the pleasures that can be obtained with the exchange of money, money is, undoubtly, almost everything.. so much that we almost think that money can buy happiness. all right, let's not talk about it, everything has come to a conclusion, hehe.. i'm glad that the debate went on unbelievably awesome, it was really competitive.. i'm contented, partly because i've gained experiences, again.. my passion for debate has arose consciously..hehe.. i wonder if they would be any debates going on in the future.. hopefully i could take part..

personally i think, money is not everything but it does influence our daily routines.. i dont care what other people say, i only think that yeah, it's all about fate and destiny. we are destined to be who we are and what sort of person we are now and of course, money? if you have the ability, i'm sure you could get a well-paid job and a high salary i would say.. com'on, it's about fate; 99% of perspiration and 1% of aspiration eh?

i believe in karma, really.. everything is destined to be.. why fret over things that might or might not happen? or worse still, already happened? do you not think it's too much? and totally ludicrous.. go figure..

all right, so do you want the result? haha, did i mention that i lost in the debate?? hehe.. somehow, dont be upset about it, my dearly comrades.. we've made it emotionally instead... be good, okay? =p

Fate

i've done everything i should, but things just dont seem to go my way, somehow i wont give up and strive my best for the most anticipated examination, spm! i have to stand up as a normal student; it's not that i can have the time-machine with me, so that i could turn back the time.. and even if i do, i will never do that..

experience is a good teacher, but She sends in terrific bills.

i no longer wanna say anything as it would turn out gribberish if i dont take action. i just wish to say, He hasnt been treating me well ever since the day i was taught to crawl... scars will remain, so do my feelings.

im glad that i am not randomly selected for the National Service camp, just yet. fate controls, i am not reluctant to go if ever i am chosen though..

by the way, an interclass-debate competition will be held on next tuesday, wish me luck!

Feel the Vibe!!

well i went out yesterday with my exclassmates, my buddies, i hope.. it was really fun i must say.. the only reason i'm only writing this now is actually because of the time-being, i didnt feel like blogging yesterday and i'm sorry..(to whom?=p) i was really dead worn out; woke up at 8 in the morning and prepared myself to tuition, got back home and prepared for the outing(yahoo!), and took off..

sometimes i really think i take quite long to dress myself up and i just do not know why haha!! i try to be dressed as soon as possible each time, but it'll at least take one and a half hours, maybe it's short for you but i think it's quite abit of wasting the given time we have, im working on it, haha to be able to manage my time well, else really, everything has to be rescheduled.. okay, back to the topic, i was late yesterday but neither one of them has arrived, haha!! com'on, they had transportation difficulties and it was always fine with me coz i could shop for the first round myself.. teehee!!

all right, i do not wish to mention everything in here because i know it will remain in my memories and you, my dear reader, might get a lil bored haha..yeah, we caught a movie,The Interpreter, it was a really brilliant, magnificent movie.. i strongly recommend it to ya, hehe i got a lil emotional but luckily nobody noticed it, haha!!

we met some friends there and crapped a lil while..then went down to Yoshinoya for few bits; some even bought ice-blended mocha..auntie anne's..and stuffs..we had a great conversation over there.. late after that, the guys left us and they were only 4 of us girls sitting there, went on for the innermosts..it was just making me feel like, jeez, not feeling good, that's it..haha.. coz we talked about stuffs..which is close to the future..karma..yeah.. that's unbelievable, isnt it??

i got back at around 9.30pm.. and something really happened.. for your information, something actually happened before this, which im quite aware of, the former happening (haha!!) was like..haha..crappy for me (asking for my number-lah).. nah i'm all confused now.. hopefully it'll reach a conclusion soon, i mean the latter one.. hehe, i really dont know what i want.. just ignore this part if you dont get it.. i only wish to voice it out.. BUT! if u do get it, any opinions are welcome, but mostly for those i've told.. the closer ones..and the one who's involved.. haha..

Words

what day is today? monday, i see. absolutely june i know.

it seems that i havent been feeding my bloggie for quite some time, i do check on it though.. just feel like bringing my blog alive again, so here i am typing word by word and not knowing what i should write... anybody misses me?? hehe, well i've been going out like nobody's business. on the other hand, my tasks are piling up like nobody's business as well.. woohoo guess i should just pick up the pieces and you know what i am gonna do.. but will i? tripping on words, i dont know what's happened to me.. argh!!

few more months to my examinations, tough ones.. i dont dare walk out the door when school reopens, really dont.. standing on the doorway, feel like stepping back.. somehow i know things happen just as it will be..

hey sarah.. sarah.. whatever will be, will be~~

i always have this verse in mind. it keeps me going.. com'on carmen!! should change the lyrics.. and sing in front of the mirror.. guess that suits better eh??

Thankful

i woke up in the morning and i was like, so nervous and totally curious about today's event. you know, i actually went to legend hotel in kuala lumpur for the desa perdana school's international understanding cum installation day. i never expect it to be so much fun today, ya know, most of my friends werent going so i thought i would be quite lonely. but the fact is, teehee, it was awesome man!

apart from that, i lurrve the food man, it was so delicious. well, i think it was the brownies there that actually melted me. i was like gobbling down all my food in my plate for the second round hehe! am i greedy? oh no! look, what's the point if i dont go for second round if it's a hi-tea.. my goodness, my mind is all about the temptatious chocolatey brownies right now but seriously if they actually provide us with the chocolate dressings, i think it'll taste even better, well, flawless then!! phew, it was over! lolz, nevermind about that, next time! haha, crazy, aint i?

my dancing skill was still doing fine but one thing i have totally no idea is that my boy friends actually think i'm wild. sigh, they surely assume me of stopping by the clubs and pubs very frequently, which is something totally wrong all right? and if i do go, i'll have my family by my side. i dont dare make any statements about how my future clubbings session gonn be but ya know, just not now! i'm so pure.. hehhe.. by the way, i'm not sure if i'll go clubbing hehe! taking up dancing lessons, most probably yeah.. lolz! how about that, elaine and lien yiny? haha..

ahh by the way, i did make myself an icy cool peanut abc aka ais kacang (they call it) hehe, it wasnt really sweet but i still enjoyed eating it, it was made by myself all right and it was filled with red beans and peanuts, just imagine! hehe.. not forgetting the corns for sure.. ^^

i just feel surprisingly brilliant with the programmes and activities that i had today; never before attended such international understanding day, tee hee! awaiting for my school's hehe.. and of course, we did take pictures. if you wanna have a look at it, haha i'm doubtful if i should upload it here coz as you can see, i rarely upload pictures these days. another reason why is that the camera is not with me nowadayz, sob sob. hehe..

thanks for willing to spend some time on this article, coz this is quite lame, you know talking all about my gay-ee happenings hehe, but still i wanna thank my friends for asking me to attend and i had great fun!! really enjoyable moments, especially when they played Get Right by J.Lo, just rocked the house man i mean when i was dancing, kekke!

well, i should stop now coz my digested stomach is calling me and worse, my lil brotha is yelling downstairs for me.. so long, take care! ^^

Big Day

• my great grandmama's 91st birthday
• one of my close friends' birthday
• happy wesak day
• happy birthday-z
• ate 2 slices of cake
• what a coincidence
• swing swing swing
• remained silent from 10 to 3
• miss my grandmama up above
• miss my barbie dolls
• i had 4 kindergartens
• i can still play badminton
• swimming rules my world
• i'm in red
• what's left in my piggy bank after the holidays
• desk's a total mess
• wrote a poem
• miss my organ
• music is my lifeblood
• miss you
• dislike people killing mosquitoes
• disappointed with somebody
• hesitant whether to cut my fringe

Concrete Dying Chihuahua

is this a mistake?

i cant believe i'm blogging when i should be nerding my history, hell yeah boring history.. but i had high hopes before the previous papers, just never know why i have such feelings right now..i'm like dropping way under.. things just arent going my way, like they always do. life is so ____. please offer me an adjective to fill in the blank, really i have not any clues on it. i am about to type a word for it, but He makes you to decide for me.

anyone out there, please get me the hell out of this chun-ted place.. my view, my way, my dreams... my goodness, almost shattered. i'm all wretched.

well i went swimming and it was really exhausting which actually made me a dying rose now. i think i'll have to dive into my slumberland soon, but as always, i cant do the things i want. there is always at least something hanging in there, stuck me in there.. i'll have to study, at least a nibble man..why? please give me a reason for..living? no, i shouldnt say that..

whatever man. i need some time alone. again.

perhaps really i am stuck under this roof, everyday, apart from my tuitions, school..and really..nowhere that i'm heading. if i dont go swimming, really what kinda damn life is this? we're brought here at least for a reason but why cant i see that.. all of the people, i dont know why, i just cant go with the flow..i need to hang out... really..

hang out? or hang me up? ridiculous. oh by the way, i'm back?

all stranded. ooh, i'll be gone... i do promise i'll get it right back to y'll soon.

Offline

i've been ill for days. i guess it's recovering. one thing i dont understand, this year seems to be a real hard year for me. i have so much to worry and things are bothering me. actually i think i'm sort of a weakling this year although it doesnt sound right to be voicing out from my mouth but the fact, it is. it's quite ridiculous, you might say it. i dont care, so long as i feel that it's what i am going through. i am strong, it's from a friend of mine. i will remember it. *winkz*

somehow examinations are just around the smelly corner. i could already smell it. the smell is not nice guyz. i kinda already feeel the tension. i guess i wont be onlined for these few days... or weeks? lolz, it's quite impossible for a person like me. i mean for days, perhaps i could. weeks? well, let's wait and see. see if everything goes right and i do Not have to post anything here. or to get things right, something BiG happened to me. i think i would be on then. see yaz!

cheers everyone. and peace out. take care while i'm away.

Learn it

so i might sometimes offend others but that is never truthful, i just want to be heard. have i gone wrong? no matter what i say, it seems wrong to others, all right put it this way, most of the time and i'm here to tell that i hate it. pretty much. i know it's not right to be always exposing the truths, as for your information, we ought to conceal slightly a little from others as to keep them company. we never say things to hurt others because it aint gonn' bring out the beautiful scenario.

all we gotta do is just be patient. ya know, patience! man, it's tough. well, have we had any learning-to-breathe lesson? i guess not. what about patience? i wonder...

Lost vs Omen

i just dont understand why people do things without a particular reason. i guess i am too. that's crazy isnt it? it's common i have no idea what others want but it's darn peculiar that i dont know what i want. please show me the omen... i'm lost inside. and i sort of think that life is totally unfair. i always do not get what i want, instead, i have what i dislike or refuse to have. so life's unpredictable huh?

i guess i need some time all alone. frankly speaking though, it doesnt help much and perhaps doesnt at all heal. i'm only waiting for miracle to happen although i always encourage others to create it but to cross hands waiting... somehow it's easier to be said than done guyz and you know that! argh, i am so dumb and bothered.

Unique

today is thursday. i am quite fascinated because today is a holiday. when i want to get myself to actually feel it, i think of my tasks. to be frank, today is just special. i do not know why because it's so special that i dont have this kind of feeling even during weekends. this is weird. this feeling is impermanent though. i still have my tasks to be completed but i dont feel like doing. my sloth is performing again. gawd please help me.

why do i not know what i should know? i just hope my dreams would not be shattered.

Oh Boy, My Personality?

Your Personality Type
You are an optimist who is often more focused on the past and the future than the present moment. You have an active imagination. You have good hunches and intuitions and people notice that.

Your Motto
"I want to discover the truth in life."

How You Work best
You work best in cooperative, harmonious environments. Competition, a rushed pace, and a strict format for communication don't work well for you. Your strength is your open-mindedness. Your Achilles heel is that you are sometimes too hard on yourself.

Your Life Situation
You are not fully satisfied with your current life situation. It is in your own hands though to change this. Every day you have the opportunity to improve your life situation by making decisions that suit your personality best. Making decisions that suit your personality best benefits all areas of your life: your relationships, your career, your love life, your goals, your family life, and your health. In order to make the decisions that suit YOU best, you need to know your personality well.Learn more about your unique needs and how to shape the environment that suits you best and start making the right decisions today.

Reason Why

why am i sooo lethargicly sluggish??!! haha an easy word, lazy, means it all. we do not even have to think twice.

i am so dumb. well, both are not related i know but someone who's always escaping from the reality and not wanting to complete his/her tasks is me. someone who cant resist the temptation of the damn MSN Messenger, is me. someone who can be sleeping for hours during saturdays and wasted the most apposite day to complete tasks is also the girl who'd rather be blogging than to be doing her add maths tasks! why me??!!

the mid term examination is awaiting just around may. i cannot imagine how the result will turn out to be. hopefully it's what she wants. this girl just took a long hours of nap, long enough to match the hours that she spends on sleeping for her nights. i do not know how she could do well in the upcoming examination unless she decides to change her attitude. now changing attitude is another problem for her too. she has just too many things to handle.

procrastinate is always the best thing she does. no one does better than her. i do not understand the reason why, even until now. phew.

Statue

no one could ever know how i truly feel inside. i have something i've always wanted to tell anyone about anything, but i am not given the opportunity to do so. i have to cross my hands and wait, and wait and still waiting... mind you, it's never my intention to not telling.

apparently i'm missing someone. i wonder that person actually knows if i'm missing him/her. i feel that i'm such a chicken all of a sudden. i dont dare voice out what i want. i think it's most probably influencing myself. others tend to think i dont want to make my own decisions. you've gotta know, i've tried so hard to make but finally i have the answer. wait a minute, i'm hesitating if i should disclose. you guys are probably having a thought in mind that this is actually about courtships or something but think about it thoroughly, could it be? no one ever knows because for your information, i do not always tell my problems to anyone. it could be my bovine stupidity of being such a timid person!! man, i dont even dare face my own life.

my raspy voice is telling me to do what i should but on the other hand, it's still depending on this miss, whether she wanna move forward. no regrets? i dont think so. i was afraid to even call my great grandma when she was struggling to live at the hospital years back. it still lingers in my memory...

should i just do what i wanna do and forget about others just because i'm living my own life? i do not know. and it's never known.

are you who you wanna be?