Break the Wall

perhaps it's really time to focus on something. something specific. i just realised that we can really not do two things at one period perfectly. you gotta sacrifice something, babe. i dont know what the heck is moving in my head now but one thing though, i'm not very happy. life is treating me so unfairly. things that i always opt for, never come to me. when i turn around to laugh at it, it's coming. gawd, by the time it's there for me, my passion for it has already gone. somehow, knowing myself, i would grab it without hesitating. and later when time comes, just when i'm reluctant to let it be gone, i'll be regretful. what a...woman!! i'm just such person, i aint sceptical but you know, not having anything that you want, if not need, is something really pissful..right, self-invented word, i guess?

i have a new dream. and im going for it, right, not revealing! babiez, im back on track! everyone is forgiven now! i wonder who's done wrong so far though, to me, heek... am i forgiven? aww..

Distress not

and now i wonder if we should take everything that seriously, to the extent where we take that as a responsibility and we dont even have a slight idea when we will carry it till, it's sorta strenuous to me and on top of that quite vague too. it's amusing (right) , things seem to happen so unpredictably. what more could we ask for? of a life, so erratic. and in occasions, life is too fair it seems. when we're having the time of our lives, it surely takes something away from us; every new beginning is some beginning's end, same token. more or less. consequently, i am doubtful over every little sweet things that happens, at one moment i could be enjoying excessively, the next thing you know, something has just screwed up. is this what we live for? fact says human is not perfect, i personally think life is not perfect too, it wont be. right, they wont be, indeed.

as for me, speculation is always the best friend of mine. you could also assume i'm a little psychic but in an opposite way. therefore i dare not think of all the good and blissful things that'd happen on me, though i always hope they will. what pathetic! hah, every so often i choose not to think. isnt it the best solution to not let myself feel distress?

life goes on, people!

Hidden Love

Finally found the answer to my one question..
Love is just next to me, indeed. i feel it up inside.

Blessed with Love, once again.


With Love, Life is so wonderful. Cheers. =p

Where's the Love? (All by Myself)

i wish i could turn back time.

this is one thing i would really love to do, at the moment. then again, i dont wanna walk through the same phase over again. it's sickening. all this while no matter what i do, it's somehow wrong to at least one party. until i got to know myself better when i encounter something innate myself. its always all by myself. when i reach out for someone, think myself. that's the answer i always get. am i living myself, today?

i hate myself for being emotional. i know i shouldnt. cuz its really something tiny. what am i.. every steps that i take could be a biggest mistake..i'm tired of all these freaking shit!!! i wanna breathe!!

i'm profoundly depressed. i miss everything.. i dont wanna stand on my own. i dont want.. i dont wanna act like a kid..and i'm not! i'm crazy, i should have done something more meaningful than this... i'm still a kid. that's right.

without love, what is life?

Ditto

what ludicrous emotional feelings- first day of May, i wanted to cry. and the same thing occured to me that i am one brat. come to think of it though, i couldnt recall the sad things that i've gone through throughout this whole damn month, ya right i had been working, or rather, have been working. its ending soon, well, i might be demanded under a few circumstances. fine, it could be that the first and last day of the month of May, are my emotional days. is it worth all the tears? for only 2 days? not.

i guess i have never been at this situation right now, im totally out of my mind. im so useless, everything is out of my hand; out of my control. when i try to reach out for something, its always not there.. i've gone through all these before, it actually hits me deep now. in the middle of the nights, i express myself. it's somewhat a time when noone really knows what im doing, most of the time, i think back all of the things that i've done on that particular day and so i cry for the sorrow. and the regret. it's time for myself. it's no more a time for the bribery. like i've done one before. no more time in heaven. a borrowed heaven.

let it out. accept it, dont let it turn the screw.

Tonight, I wanna cry.

Keith Urban has one song by the title of this. credits to jet. i love the song and im definitely feeling it. on occasions i dont even know if the things i've done all along is wrong or right. about the things that i've gone through, it might even sound childish to you but to me it's the walk of life, i take it as i'm growing up and im handling things in an independent way instead. so basically different people has different perspectives.

i have a close friend, i bet she doesnt want the name to be mentioned down here, knowing the person she is. she's afraid of getting old, as in the way we see things will change in the long run. we no longer laugh over the stupidest joke, but to me, the moment the clock is ticking, somehow there will be something that is changing inside of us- the heart. what if there was no time, we wouldnt know what's wrong to our seniors, wondering why their hair drops day by day or turn goldishly white someday when we wake up to the new day, not knowing how old we are too. like, the creatures wouldnt know what's the day today, or perhaps they have their own way of looking for the answers to these dumb questions.

i dont know what the future holds for me, it's abit of too early for me to see the grey side of the world perhaps. i really wanna know what exactly it is that is on the other side of the world, i have the curiosity to discover it, not to jupiter..venus or anything like that though. i mean, there should be some other places that are not known just yet. how do i get there? well, dont worry peeps, i'm more than rational at the moment, just wondering. ignore me.

the road is long. too long. there must be alot of things ahead awaiting for me, but im afraid i wont have the guts to unscrew the chain. i'm really scared. please give me a hand while i'm walking the line, it's crooked somehow. am i too free to be thinking too much? puzzles are scattered else where, still picking it up and am trying to hunt for the pieces.. what if i cant complete the puzzle? right, i should get some shut eyes now. not really a pleasant Labour day for me though, sigh..

tonight, i wanna cry.

Fire of Anatolia

Previously called the Sultans of the Dance, the Fire of Anatolia is comprised of hundreds of folkdance figures and music from various regions of Turkey. It is a splendid performance that is based on thousands of years of ancient Anatolian mythology and cultural history. Im profoundly impressed to say that I got the golden opportunity to enjoy this energetic and dynamic show. I hope though, i could have another viewing pleasure with my beloved ones. heek, i would wanna feed their eyes with the amount that's gotta do with it from my bank account. we shall see!


Turkey and Malaysia, two nations so close but yet so far. Both nation are thousands of miles apart and yet both have the same believes and cultural values.


Brilliant!

Boredom.

everything remains the same, for now. as bland as usual. i'm still not going anywhere after all the petty mistakes that i've made within theese few months.. perhaps i should call it quit; cant wait for it instead. i dreaded myself to wear a mask each day and crawl to work every single morning. ps: i dont know what i've been doing recently. nothing has changed, nothing needs to be changed anyway. somehow i could see the difference in you, hopefully you would be back again and i'm more than willing to be screwed up, not from anyone else, but you. i love you.

is this drudgery a torture or a signal of happiness?

burden. something's gotta give to make a change.

Life.

if i were to look at life through rose-tinted glass, i'd be hyped up each and every day, aint i? with the interminable rise of pressure, i cant ensure myself to perceive what the so-called education stands for me. everyone has packed their bags and go back to their tertiary education, while i'm working at the moment. from the greenhorn to being someone who is able to help out on events, i feel much appreciated, after all the drudgery. thanks for believing in me all this while, to some people. sigh life, having a wishful thinking and to have one is totally different. those who have are just plain relax. while the latter, could be racking their brains. for now. if you know what i mean. i hope i could put a tinge of colour in everybody else's cheeks by being true to them and they, should know we are all one, no racist; put a smile on your face everyday, it does make a difference. life, i love.

Hey there.

is there anybody out there who miss me? hehe.

perhaps this computer has been suffering for far too long a period and so it yearned to be washed away all the pain somebody has given and so i guess it explains why i am out of this bloggie world for some time.

sometimes i'm just asking too much. i dont know what i'm thinking and i keep having thoughts of getting this and that. i'm sometimes high in demand, sometimes not. this is not what i wanna talk about though, leave it aside. all right, there are just so many things that i want, but looking back, those are just luxuries. i feel bad. i am really sorry. sometimes i buy things that i dont really use, once i bought it, i somehow feel that it's just the fun of spending cash. not too bad though, i'll still find myself using 'em as i planned beforehand. i'm a mixture of a spendthrift and thrifty, oh right, does that mean i measure myself up with that? hell no. ya know, i would spend a lot on food. and especially food. talking about luxury, i'll still eventually find myself loving the something i bought which i thought it was a waste of money-lah. hehe. am i complicated? well, i love new stuffs damn lot. i think the right term to use is i love shopping! hehe, whenever i hear someone's going out to any of the complexes, i'd raise my voice yelling yes! nowadays i dont find myself liking to stay home, heh have to depend on whom i'm going out with of course, heek! goin out with my darling is always something to be cheerful, are you one? ^^

when i spend money, i'll feel guilty. when i save em, i dont know what's the use of it. for future? probably yes, that's just what i'm thinking. but some people just think we should spend everything with the salary, i seriously dont think so. like the future holds nothing for you. then again, we should spend happily cuz we are brought up to live life to its fullest. the minute you spend on branded goods and very expensive gifts, then you're doomed to misread the thing to living life to its foolest! phewit, should we spend or not? but when it comes to a guy who spends on the girlfriend, it's always the better..hehehhe. i love you!

haiyo, i always cant seem to end my blog nicely..hehhe..

Fade to Grey

raining outside steadily, the sky's turning grey today.. does it show a negative sigh for all? who on earth would actually break down to this thought whereby authentically the urge to satisfy their sloth is more in the head..hehe so much for the sleep last night..

looking over the cubicles that's placed in my room, at work, the one who's in fact, hard to fathom and hard to be known at the same time..i wonder in deep thought if he's somehow mad at me cuz i sometimes flash over the problematic calls for him hehhe but well, what can i do about it, and those are the petty mistakes that he made and here's the time for redemption..wheee i'm not that much of a calculative person but this is like a courtesy, isnt it? though some of the uncultured philistines are pretty much too-educated and should be treated in a sarcastic way, i'm still on my way there .....hehe not too much eh?

***
damn, one stuck up customer just called in. i read her the regulations and one of em is that her infant is not advisable to bring in to the icy-rink DOI show(she could neglect the idea as most of em do), she then screwed me in advance saying i'm not professional about how this event is meant for kids, but hello? her case, is an infant..arghh...our company is not even the organiser, let alone me to tell you why..sigh

feel like dozing off any minute now, i hope they wont be any of the sceptical callers from now on..actually i've had next to enough, cuz i'm like downright flooded with the mumblings and scoldings.. i'm just a part-timer man, even the supervisor does not wish to have us carry the burden..but fine, my patience is on the go to the training..thanks for the job and the good pay..teehee..shall i sway to my dreamland?

all right, dont worry babe, i do understand it's not right to shut my eyes while working, hehe..

Anticipation is over me.

scream my lungs out.

right now at the moment, i'm just mingling with the stupid customers who call in on purpose just to get a hell outta me..im like under a district training for my patience man..just could not fathom why they are being so stuck up ya know, we're just doin our job, and that is some sorta operator for the tele sales..nothing more than that..why do they not understand..duhzz~~

owh operator, the line is dead~~wheee?!

i'm feelin great though, today. haha..perhaps it's the anticipation that got me through..and taking about that, spm results are gonna be on board on next monday, officially. i'm damnn tensed!!! i'm just having all these negative thoughts wrapped tight around my body man; can only turn to nowhere. all right, c'est la vie! if i mention it right.

hoping and hoping.

it somehow represents my future, well you might say it's not important, but so far as i'm concern, it does freak me out whenever my mind is engulfed with the devilish monsters.. this can not be true..give me a hand, babe..

all right then, i'll have to make a move from this magical chair now. teehee. good luck, dear!

***
off to work.

wanna be happy

no matter what i've done, i reckon there's actually nothing much i can do now to make it all up. it's not like i've done anything wrong or what, but it might be wrong, under all circumstances i mean..one thing i know though is that we should never be regretful..everything that happens, happens for a reason.. and life goes on..

just had a conversation with vic. he made me realise how life should be and we must be tough to face it. and measure everything by ourselves, i was like, so true. we have to face it our own..because this is my life, i ought to live it the way i want it to, without regrets of course which figuratively means dealing with things in a rational way..

however i did catch a movie with may and jet yesterday..Walk The Line that is.. it is indeed a magnificent movie, unlike some would even call it an insipid one..haha..that movie really got me into it, those things that they were in, made me feel like it shouldn't be this and that..haha..got me heart beating over..somehow i went through a real tiredness after that movie, perhaps i paid a lil too much of concentration..haha and my eyes were hehe..sort of red! cool cool.. 2 grammys at least, good job! woohoo, somehow my movie awaiting list up next would be Casanova! haha..

i live my life. never care what other people say.. i just wanna be happy and i hope sincerely that you do too! peace out! =p

nothing else matters

just because you actually are standing next to the edge of the fire, this does not necessarily make you wrong. it's like whatever i do is wrong to you, you pick up on me this and that, if not everything. i am downright frustrated at times but all i can tell is that i do not have to make any so-called explanations as my words don't affect any other consequences no more. it's sad when someone has soon lost their prerogatives. somehow, i do not always think i'm right all of the time, like you presume foremostly. the urge of reasoning things to you, has soon faded away, as you would also try to think i'm actually making up bulldog stories. on the other hand, i'm also touched that there're actually people out there who have faith in me, all this while. you used to be one of them, so long as i'm aware of. i still bear with the silence that you give me and the coldness.. all the zits of emotions which i do not have to let myself suffer. but i did. and you never cared. what am i supposed to do? anytime from now, i just thought that everything we do, it's for someone else's sake, so there's no right or wrong. or perhaps it's right to be wrong at times, to gain your experiences and stuffs. thanks to God who gets me through all these. it aint over yet. it's growing older and older. i'm like.. suffocated. i wanna get back to school!!

nothing else matters. when you've already given your reasons for whatsoever that you've done, that's it. if that someone refuses to trust you, then just let it be. it's not like the whole world's gonna stop and stare at you if you never got the forgiveness or so, like that particular person doesn't believe you no more, what's the point of it?

i've always believed in you. why do you not?

No Bails!

went for a gathering two days ago. and a party.

doubted it, i never knew such a clash would happen. things didnt really get screwed up though.. thanks for everything. i was overwhelmed, the first thought was that i wouldn't be as much excited i'd get the other day..perhaps it was the spirit that got me through.. i was ecstatic!

here i am, once again, am doubtful. will we ever get together again for such a night? be it glamorous night or not, all of us had fun.. i could see it with bare eyes..think about the abstract question again, i whisper silently, hope.

another one thing crawls into my mind all of a sudden, outta that ray of light, so you think you're always right, as if none of us cares about you and, monitoring such a behaviour - ignorance, so you're surrounded by friends everywhere, what do ya think then? is that what you want? what do you want, actually? you're just asking too much from us man, i need a break down about it. so just, please tell me. i guess though, you'll never know about this and no one's gonna confront me about this, no matter how many hours later. this much i know. and this much is true.

i want you to confess. i need a confession from you. i really do.


family in crisis that only grows older...

everything's changing

as obvious as it is, everything is indeed changing, day by day..well uhm..as long as the time ticks its way out to nowhere, or perhaps somewhere that i have totally no idea about it..we're still making our lives here..

society is changing
man is changing
demand is changing

or have you changed, already? my dearest reader? you'd rather call it transformation, maybe? well, my love is never changed, i'm still the same old me..omitting the fact that i'm growing..as much as you do..i've made mistakes but i'm just a girl, what could ya possibly expect? even adults make mistakes..i dont know how i should hold my future..and partly, i know..just let it be right? i know what's in your mind, dude..it's not as if i can get a hand on it..

wake up, babe!

ah, i'm starting work tomorrow. wish me luck!

Resignation

it seems i've never mentioned about my colleagues at my current working place, Secret Recipe.. everybody loves that place despite the quality cakes..or lamb stew, perhaps? it's been fun having my time passed there, they're all so funny but then again of course, you'll meet someone that's not meant to chat for long, it doesnt matter though, i still appreciate him/her as a friend.. the rest of 'em, i feel really inseparable..i dont want this..but you gotta have to wave goodbye to something and/or someone in order to obtain a better offer..it's the only way for destiny anyway..no matter how much it hurts..nothing lasts forever, sadly..

i think i'm in love with them..

haha..the way they talk to me, they just dont realise how much i appreciate it for the someone i am to them..everybody stands a place in someone else's heart, to the very least..they'll still be one..if you know what i mean..

they are so gonna do something on me tomorrow man..i'm waiting..and i'll miss those days soon..i know..

for the one who cares, nice years ahead and i love you! =p

Lies

please dont treat me like a fool..

Open Fire

it's been awhile since i last blogged.. well.. haha.. other than procrastinating i dont know what else to say..but hey i'm currently working... hardly working.. i guess it's almost a month already..or perhaps i did not live out any passion into it.. find it not approriate most recently..or maybe, maybe despite the time being.. i do not like it much.. planning to switch job now..heek heek...

i've just given my room a brand new face..with the transformation i would say..from a petty cupboard to a..well, desk? computer desk, obviously it is.. though i do not really make use of what it's meant to be, instead, piling up books high up like..mountain..haha..gonna add some deco on it... and then i'll see how it got dressed up..ahh just awaiting to crack an audacious attempt to get the best costume award..for me roomie..ooOkay, ignore me please, guess i've not been watching any award shows lately..miss those days man..lying on the sofa while sparkling a couch potato's attitude and..hurm..chewing something oR dozing off for..a short while..hehhe..

any new year resolutions? gosh it's the 18th of the first month and i'm only saying it now..ditto the hahaz...guess i'll have to make up a few.. so far..nothing special.. Damn, i havta get ready to work now..ciao everyone ~

i see the trust in you baeb..huggles!

Never Know

never knew i would come this far.. so far that i'm away from my social circle, at least on the verge of it.. things just get outta hand... am really envious of those who have not any much bizarre to even have a thought about..while on the other hand they just bug me like...a swarm of bees perhaps? i've had enough man..i've been fooled..

and i hate making decision especially..you know, maybe you dont understand me..when it comes to making a choice among all, it's like the worst thing for me..i'm aware of this n that.. sometimes i even doubt if i'm too lazy...of not to even wanna blend my brain juice a lil' bit to fumble for balls that lead me to the bingos..

shit.

let the people say what they wanna say man.. it's not like i have to listen to them..i mean really, if they're so good at giving opinions or this and that then why are they still right here, struggling for the pot of gold? tell me?! don't make me laugh man.. go figure, if you follow what they say, they will not be responsible of the consequences after that and ahh.. Aftermath!

you're the only one to blame in everything you do.. and oh purr-leeez, do it your way..

i'm really trapped now this time. cant move forward. cant go backward. what am i supposed to do with all these...hah! perhaps i'm just somebody who's full of crap..i can blog anything but it's just that..sigh i cant do anything about it..

omens oh omens..show me the way there..


i need a miracle.