'reckon people do have secrets to themselves. there are just things that we cannot share with anyone at all. you knw, all the dirty little secrets.. all the silly things that you did when you were once immature.. i can get really tensed up sometimes, especially when someone might have done something out of stupidity and i cant make any judgement. this feeling sucks. should you in any way wanting to deal with it, it'll still ultimately remain the same, goin back to square one. damnnit! why won't us, the most perceptive creatures in the universe just grow up and do what's right. well, i dont wanna be in any way philosophical but i do know there's no right or wrong in this cold nasty world, it all just depends on how we look at it. pheww! i just hope there was something i could come up with, to help me help you. all i can say is, things dont always go my way. the most disheartening thing on earth is to accept the truth.
can you feel what i feel?
you certainly dont because if its the otherwise, that'd be a frivolous lie. please dont treat me like a fool, would you hold your breath this time and listen to what i say? its been umpteenth times of me trying to make sense in front of you and im sick of it but i'll still figure out ways just to get you sit down and have a good talk with me. what's more silly is that i cant even handle someone who hasnt gnawed as much chips as i do now. lol not that im old. and i knw you will never ever read this. you'd probably choose to be out. pause. *long sigh*
please excuse this incoherent writing.
Saturday, August 09, 2008
Thursday, August 07, 2008
this is my name.
came to take this quiz online. check this out, uhm.. what my name says about me!
You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you.
You're very intense.You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.
You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.
You're highly selective when it comes to dating, and some may say you're too picky.You know what you want, and when you find it, you're ready to commit. Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.
this is crazy. why dont you give it a try too? it is so accurately true. if you wanna know me, well this is Me. should i or should i not be proud to admit? go figure.
You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you.
You're very intense.You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.
You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.
You're highly selective when it comes to dating, and some may say you're too picky.You know what you want, and when you find it, you're ready to commit. Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.
this is crazy. why dont you give it a try too? it is so accurately true. if you wanna know me, well this is Me. should i or should i not be proud to admit? go figure.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
everytime
gotta admit im not a very passionate person. most of the time i dont think rationally. im a lunatic. im outta my mind. i lost my conscience. i did not see what it was the consequence that might occur to me, if, if.. and would you grant me any kinda guidance at all that could mend this heart? it triggers me. alot.
emotional. i am.
emotional. i am.
Saturday, August 02, 2008
hey guys
so what if britney's a pill-popping pop celebrity who used to flash her panties in front of people, it doesnt ever matter our lives, does it? as least she's strutting her own thing, rather not be flaunting her body. im sincerely grateful that she's leaving all that behind and now trying to change. its all coming back to her own senses. i love britney so much that i wish i could give her a fish-kiss on her cheek, or vice versa. lol.
currently unavailable for you, im right now having my big time in australia. anything that goes, there's a price to pay. always. even though im right here, why is it that chris daughtry and panic at the disco have to have concerts at this time, in both july and august. to make things worse, mtv asia awards is gonna be held in Genting Highland, Malaysia this year. why, why, WHY??!! im missing all of these electrifying excitement. and my babes went without me!! why is it so unfair, and goshh leona lewis is gonna make an appearance in MtvAA, or rather, to perform. wait wait, jared leto is gonna be the host!! he's definitely the Kill to all you girls out there, agree?? argh, damn you tucky! i dont care Daidomon is definitely on you! hehe. but please, take lotsa lotsa photos of THEM, wont ya?!! will be thankful for that, but no definitely NOT with your dopod. hehe. no offence. fortunately britney is not attending, lol, all my life i've been desiring to catch her in concerts or whatever appearances that is, BUT i'll still be praying very very casually-nonchalently. yea yea, never ever give up the significance of daring to dream! gee, such a wild hope. *having mandy moore in mind right now when she last hosted in singapore for the same event alongside with the romeo-like ronan keating* i dont remember which year it was though, having westlife as the very grand-closing act singing world of their own. okay, world of OUR own, happy? =)
feel like im only mumbling to myself, but nononono~~ please dont leave my blog yet.
you know im sorta pissed with people around trying to act like someone else in their neighbourhood. if you ever wanna try to make yourself looking hot and stunning like the celebrities, i reallly dont mind at all, but NOT SOMEONE YOU'RE CLOSE WITH!!! like so wth, people have feelings. they can feeel it. even if they dont, other people can SEE it in their eyes. and hello? people DO talk. hehe, maybe they call it as gossiping but MEN, women expertise in that field innately. so bear with it. right, those of you who are involved please take this as a gentle caveat to not provoke others. you dont wanna ruin the platonic relationship, do you? good luck, peeps! alright, im feelin' better now. lol.
avril lavigne is also preparing herself for a concert in malaysia at the end of this month after spending decent moments with hubby deryck whibley. sigh why wont deryck tag along and do a mash up with her. lol what a waste. im goin. im going not. im goin.. im goin not. cuz im not back yet. screw it!
i'd rather you be here.
currently unavailable for you, im right now having my big time in australia. anything that goes, there's a price to pay. always. even though im right here, why is it that chris daughtry and panic at the disco have to have concerts at this time, in both july and august. to make things worse, mtv asia awards is gonna be held in Genting Highland, Malaysia this year. why, why, WHY??!! im missing all of these electrifying excitement. and my babes went without me!! why is it so unfair, and goshh leona lewis is gonna make an appearance in MtvAA, or rather, to perform. wait wait, jared leto is gonna be the host!! he's definitely the Kill to all you girls out there, agree?? argh, damn you tucky! i dont care Daidomon is definitely on you! hehe. but please, take lotsa lotsa photos of THEM, wont ya?!! will be thankful for that, but no definitely NOT with your dopod. hehe. no offence. fortunately britney is not attending, lol, all my life i've been desiring to catch her in concerts or whatever appearances that is, BUT i'll still be praying very very casually-nonchalently. yea yea, never ever give up the significance of daring to dream! gee, such a wild hope. *having mandy moore in mind right now when she last hosted in singapore for the same event alongside with the romeo-like ronan keating* i dont remember which year it was though, having westlife as the very grand-closing act singing world of their own. okay, world of OUR own, happy? =)
feel like im only mumbling to myself, but nononono~~ please dont leave my blog yet.
you know im sorta pissed with people around trying to act like someone else in their neighbourhood. if you ever wanna try to make yourself looking hot and stunning like the celebrities, i reallly dont mind at all, but NOT SOMEONE YOU'RE CLOSE WITH!!! like so wth, people have feelings. they can feeel it. even if they dont, other people can SEE it in their eyes. and hello? people DO talk. hehe, maybe they call it as gossiping but MEN, women expertise in that field innately. so bear with it. right, those of you who are involved please take this as a gentle caveat to not provoke others. you dont wanna ruin the platonic relationship, do you? good luck, peeps! alright, im feelin' better now. lol.
avril lavigne is also preparing herself for a concert in malaysia at the end of this month after spending decent moments with hubby deryck whibley. sigh why wont deryck tag along and do a mash up with her. lol what a waste. im goin. im going not. im goin.. im goin not. cuz im not back yet. screw it!
i'd rather you be here.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
ben lomond ski trip
woohoooo!!!yeah, jet and i went Ben Lomond yesterday along with some other friends. it was amazingly amusing! the first thing that came to my head this morning was.. fatigue! my whole body is aching, like i have done some really hard work or somethin, lol. it really felt like a day after a whole day of swimming by the beach, getting tanned. pheww, finally a good rest. indeed, i dont deny i actually am having a great repose, stress-free lifestyle. things have been awesome here, i cant complain.
we got up at a quarter to 7 in the morning, as usual, we were late. we couldnt have our hearty breakfast. very quickly we dived into our 3 or 4 layers of clothing with a thick sweater and took off from our place. well i managed to grab a piece of chocolate for sure because i wont torture my stomach, hehe. there, our journey began.
reached our destination at about 10? for the love of the ice, the white ambience, i didnt really check out the time. as i was gobbling down the sandwiches, people there were already capturing photos of themselves with their self-made snowmen. wheee!!!! im missing all the decent moments there. alrighty, we then went to ski, the most fun i got among all the activities we had. ah, not really. only that. haha! i didnt play the toboggan, i didnt play the snowboard...ehhh wait, i think i had a lil fun with snowboard before i settled down with the poles. keke, smiles are still on my pinky face. =) i wont go into very excruciating details of evrything because you were not there with me, and if, if i really share all of em with you here, the only smart ass thing that you would think of is how dumb and how cute i was...geeeee!! fine, i fell down hell lots of times but i didnt break myself and am still in one piece!! hehe, you bet!
gawd i miss the place. the batteries of all screens from camera to handphone went all flat. therefore not many photos were taken. and we could only blame ourselves for not making good enough preparation. anyhow thanks to jenabi and jan for their cameras. how pathetic of us siblings! guess we should count our blessings, couldnt ask for more. at least we saw everything with our innocent eyes, it was more than meets the eye.
when jet lost his control but i was the one falling down! hmph!!xoxo.
Friday, July 25, 2008
it's you.
all good returns to my beloved friends. i have a whole batch of acquintances who are celebrating their birthdays this month. haha, in fact it is rather ridiculous to say this because every single month they'll be friends/buddies who'd be blowing the candles on the birthday cakes. some, of course i dont give a shit, they're just 'friends'. lol. you will only need your feelings to tell you who your close friends are; those who treat you in a very genuine way. it doesnt have to be unique, it just comes from the heart. i really appreciate those people around, sometimes i seriously can't believe the love i feel. friends, truly an enigma. you'll have your ups and downs; at times you do have arguments or conflicts with them, but even the worsts will be over someday. what else is there? when i start to crack my mind, i guess i hardly even have huge conflicts with my close friends. perhaps the tolerance and consideration are there. and i hate quarelling. fortunately all these while i could get myself away from it. hehe. oh, not forgetting the power of love, its incomparable. though i have to admit i make really big noise at home. maybe i was just naive lol.
well, dont get distracted when the words 'friends come and go' suddenly flash in your mind because even lovers come and go and the list goes on. it depends on how you see it, really. i just shrug them all off. nothing special. if you really have the passion for it, there's no distance that's far, be it emotional neglect or physical distance. you'll always feel them around you. to be away from home, i came to realise alot of wonderful things. its incredible. friends or lovers or offsprings or whatever, they're of the same equation. or perhaps for lovers, there's a lustful thing called sex, or intimate moments or whatever you call it, that's fine. no matter how far you are, you'll still be thinkin about them. you do know it differs from time to time, dont you? different occasions, different people in mind.
right now feeling the silence, im thinkin of you...
happy birthday to the Cancers and Leos.
trust yourself. you know you're better than anyone else.
well, dont get distracted when the words 'friends come and go' suddenly flash in your mind because even lovers come and go and the list goes on. it depends on how you see it, really. i just shrug them all off. nothing special. if you really have the passion for it, there's no distance that's far, be it emotional neglect or physical distance. you'll always feel them around you. to be away from home, i came to realise alot of wonderful things. its incredible. friends or lovers or offsprings or whatever, they're of the same equation. or perhaps for lovers, there's a lustful thing called sex, or intimate moments or whatever you call it, that's fine. no matter how far you are, you'll still be thinkin about them. you do know it differs from time to time, dont you? different occasions, different people in mind.
right now feeling the silence, im thinkin of you...
happy birthday to the Cancers and Leos.
trust yourself. you know you're better than anyone else.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
hands up! repo-repo!
i watched this trailer few days back but didnt have my sweet time to share it with you guys out there, haha put all the blames on me, my sloth! if you're ever interested, u may click here. its about a stage play being transformed to a rock op'ra shit, directed by darren lynn bousman of the Saw sequels. wheee, im so very fascinated by the music makers. a number of my favourite musician is in there, and surprisingly sarah brightman and paris hilton are also in the film, weird combination but sounds cool, alongside anthony stewart head, alexa vega and paul sorvino!! i am so looking forward to watching it in the cinema babes!!
had a few nice conversations with my babe therefore im definitely NOT emo right now. alrighty lets break down to this, i went to the city yesterday. as usual for the whole day, i was out shopping. i've been restricting myself from spending, or rather wasting money on 'things that i need'. for all these while, i know myself, i've been always searching for reasons to buy things but deep down solely i know that i do not need them, more like a yearn-for, basically they're things that i dont have to buy but here's an honest confession to make, i really love buying things i adore. once i've started forking out money from my purse, it will never stop. im insane i know but i actually managed to refrain myself from buying yet another handbag yesterday!! it was a bomb for me, but hell yeah thanks to my bro on the phone, being anxious about how if i really get my hands on the bag, so there it was, the bag is still there!!! i was like, it's really cheap and worth it (not really lol). then. "there're alot of so-called worthy and admirable things in the world, do you have all the money in the world to make them yours?" still i wasnt conscious, though i did walk out from the shop, with his friend. i didnt buy-lah. lol, poor friend, got a lecture from him. haha.
that's the problem im facing now. please carmen, stop spending and start saving!! oh by the way, REPO! the genetic Opera! watch that trailer babe! definitely no regrets. adios.
"...this is not your parents' opera!", composers darren smith and terrance zdunich.
had a few nice conversations with my babe therefore im definitely NOT emo right now. alrighty lets break down to this, i went to the city yesterday. as usual for the whole day, i was out shopping. i've been restricting myself from spending, or rather wasting money on 'things that i need'. for all these while, i know myself, i've been always searching for reasons to buy things but deep down solely i know that i do not need them, more like a yearn-for, basically they're things that i dont have to buy but here's an honest confession to make, i really love buying things i adore. once i've started forking out money from my purse, it will never stop. im insane i know but i actually managed to refrain myself from buying yet another handbag yesterday!! it was a bomb for me, but hell yeah thanks to my bro on the phone, being anxious about how if i really get my hands on the bag, so there it was, the bag is still there!!! i was like, it's really cheap and worth it (not really lol). then. "there're alot of so-called worthy and admirable things in the world, do you have all the money in the world to make them yours?" still i wasnt conscious, though i did walk out from the shop, with his friend. i didnt buy-lah. lol, poor friend, got a lecture from him. haha.
that's the problem im facing now. please carmen, stop spending and start saving!! oh by the way, REPO! the genetic Opera! watch that trailer babe! definitely no regrets. adios.
"...this is not your parents' opera!", composers darren smith and terrance zdunich.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
being fake
i cant believe im eating suga-lollies right now at this time. it is a gift from jet's friend very long time ago. he has been keeping it, for the love of chatting, i think he's forgotten that this thing actually still exists in his rack. therefore he should thank me, cuz im helpin him finish em. for your information, i've never really fancied sweets, lollipops, candies..anything but chocolate, oh bittersweet chocolates. nice. though i think im a little down now, i have no idea why. its moodswings, perhaps? but for everyone who's moody, there's gotta be a reason. maybe its a reason that's close to being an excuse that im so reluctant to share. you know, its not that i dont want to but.. its gonna create havoc if i do.
it is so late at night, jet is snoring(no u didnt see this lol) sleeping soundly. he's sleeping with his hoodie, its cute. aww he's got an itch and he's scratching it. well that reminds me of this little philosophy; fill the empty, empty the full. when there's itch, scratch it. is life just as simple? i dont think so. then again, i also know that when there's a 'prroblem', it indicates the process of growing up. and im sure that will make us stronger. i strongly believe that because i've gone through some really hard times. who doesn't, anyway?
at times i do get envious of people who could be having fun every single day. dont they have worries? im sure they do. or is it just me or they are good at covering up or god is giving them the easier way to walk this broken road?
suddenly oh suddenly, breathing seems so hard to do.
im not dead yet. im just stuck and at the bottom of this box, they're plenty of conversations to make. i could be so passionately replying or the otherwise. im sorry babe, im not in the mood. at this time now, as i was hovering my mouse searching for something, i found this.
it is so late at night, jet is snoring(no u didnt see this lol) sleeping soundly. he's sleeping with his hoodie, its cute. aww he's got an itch and he's scratching it. well that reminds me of this little philosophy; fill the empty, empty the full. when there's itch, scratch it. is life just as simple? i dont think so. then again, i also know that when there's a 'prroblem', it indicates the process of growing up. and im sure that will make us stronger. i strongly believe that because i've gone through some really hard times. who doesn't, anyway?
at times i do get envious of people who could be having fun every single day. dont they have worries? im sure they do. or is it just me or they are good at covering up or god is giving them the easier way to walk this broken road?
suddenly oh suddenly, breathing seems so hard to do.
im not dead yet. im just stuck and at the bottom of this box, they're plenty of conversations to make. i could be so passionately replying or the otherwise. im sorry babe, im not in the mood. at this time now, as i was hovering my mouse searching for something, i found this.
it was taken when i just got off from a very happening shopping spree and right after that i was gonna go to this place called Crown where i lost big bucks there, yeah it's indeed a casino. talkin about that actually makes me smile. what's happened to me, do i miss those days when i keep dishing out money? hehe. well, the funny thing is, i actually feel alot better now.
yeah, i think im a nutcase. and i think you're speechless now too. =) oooh, okay..i know i looked kinda shhweeet to some (thanks!) and pretty effing fugly to others (thanks too!!) but i couldnt care less, could i?
cheers. this is how easy to crack myself up. only i can do that, i just realised. so. peace out! xoxo.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Korean Ricecake!!!
wow, i didnt know and never ever in any way i should have a tinge of this tiny thought that i'd get to taste this pretty-awesome dish right here at Tassie!!! its ricecakee!!!!!!!!! hahaha, didnt really like this in Sydney, at one of the restaurants that caught my brother, Jet's eyes. he bought 2 or 3 boxes i guess. its that delicious to him! well, as for me, i only liked the spicy sauce and the taufu. well, i could still remember that moment, i was holding my bladder (yes, again lol) looking for toilet. hehe. so what about today? the korean guy, George actually made us some really delicious ricecake! hehe, yummy. i loved the sauce, typical me. hehe.
to tell the truth, when i was writing this blog, i was politely yelled by Jet saying that it was his turn to surf the internet therefore i've in fact saved this post as draft and im 'completing' it. so yeah, i had an unexpected nice snacks! cool!
there was a time when he asked, "do you want me to make again?" frankly in my heart i was jumping and yelling a big yes, but of course, i only gave him a smile. hey, my reputation and image are essential, haha! it was very generous of him anyway..
to tell the truth, when i was writing this blog, i was politely yelled by Jet saying that it was his turn to surf the internet therefore i've in fact saved this post as draft and im 'completing' it. so yeah, i had an unexpected nice snacks! cool!
there was a time when he asked, "do you want me to make again?" frankly in my heart i was jumping and yelling a big yes, but of course, i only gave him a smile. hey, my reputation and image are essential, haha! it was very generous of him anyway..
Sunday, July 13, 2008
unchanging.
people can just go so crazily-mad abt 3G iphone. someone actually told me in a quick catch up in Sydney about how he has been awaiting the phone to be launched and that he would definitely sign up for the plan. well, you know who you are! hehe. long-awaited 3G iphone, people actually crave for you. the circle is getting bigger. and bigger. have u got yours now? =)
im not so sure if i should get a hand on that.
whatever.
previously i was so obssessed about blogging. i would think of my blog at all times, about what i've written. its all about self-actualization as i've mentioned in earlier posts. perhaps much, much earlier on. you will ultimately realise the consequences that might occur or might not in what you have done or have said throughout the whole day. i have random feelings now, with so much sorrow...ahhhh...i wouldnt 'label' it as sorrow, but a thing to ponder on. i should because it is time.
i spoke to this korean guy just now. we have shared a short conversation while he was having his hotpot with ham and seasoned squids ( wow, its nice! =p ) and me, drinkin my milk and chewing on the chunky pink lady apple. ah, it is always times like this when people ask me, "how do you do here? " or "what are you doing right now?". i would be all stunned. i did not really know how to answer them. for the record i would actually blame myself deep inside, why did i not work a little harder on my previous examination so that my life now would be easier. and that everytime when others ask me those questions, i would have a quick answer in my head and to be proud of. not now though.
look at me now, i laugh it away.
don't worry about me, it is similar to, Love is just a feeling. metaphorically it means the same. lol. i will stand up and do a Phoebe-Comeback. perhaps it didnt all go so well, but im certain that there should always be a small group of audience. they will be supporting me all the way, won't you? thankeeew very muchhh..!!
nice.
dont get me wrong though. i do not treat Love as being only a feeling. its the otherwise instead. i appreciate all the love in the world. let's say a little prayer for the Darkness for misleading us!! haha. in some ways, they do make sense. i think im also missing some of my friends here, now that im so far apart away from you guys, of course, i miss my family more! hehehe. and my very close friend-cum-mentor. she knows who she is if she ever visits my blog. and if she has time. and provided with another IF, she still remembers my blog since there are so many carmen-s since foreverrr~~ lol. i will stop now cuz i know im getting a lil crappy right now. haha.
uhm, waiting for my brother..but i already knew what he would say once he comes home. "any complaints?" lol. such a good and adorable sister i am! *winks* well, you don't practically have to know what that relates to, but yeah, you dont have to know. wahhaa. im insane. GEE! my bladder is full, gonna pee now! see ya!
you are my rock, the one i hold on to.
still you make time for me, i can't understand.
how beautiful is your unfailing love.
my unfailing love.
im not so sure if i should get a hand on that.
whatever.
previously i was so obssessed about blogging. i would think of my blog at all times, about what i've written. its all about self-actualization as i've mentioned in earlier posts. perhaps much, much earlier on. you will ultimately realise the consequences that might occur or might not in what you have done or have said throughout the whole day. i have random feelings now, with so much sorrow...ahhhh...i wouldnt 'label' it as sorrow, but a thing to ponder on. i should because it is time.
i spoke to this korean guy just now. we have shared a short conversation while he was having his hotpot with ham and seasoned squids ( wow, its nice! =p ) and me, drinkin my milk and chewing on the chunky pink lady apple. ah, it is always times like this when people ask me, "how do you do here? " or "what are you doing right now?". i would be all stunned. i did not really know how to answer them. for the record i would actually blame myself deep inside, why did i not work a little harder on my previous examination so that my life now would be easier. and that everytime when others ask me those questions, i would have a quick answer in my head and to be proud of. not now though.
look at me now, i laugh it away.
don't worry about me, it is similar to, Love is just a feeling. metaphorically it means the same. lol. i will stand up and do a Phoebe-Comeback. perhaps it didnt all go so well, but im certain that there should always be a small group of audience. they will be supporting me all the way, won't you? thankeeew very muchhh..!!
nice.
dont get me wrong though. i do not treat Love as being only a feeling. its the otherwise instead. i appreciate all the love in the world. let's say a little prayer for the Darkness for misleading us!! haha. in some ways, they do make sense. i think im also missing some of my friends here, now that im so far apart away from you guys, of course, i miss my family more! hehehe. and my very close friend-cum-mentor. she knows who she is if she ever visits my blog. and if she has time. and provided with another IF, she still remembers my blog since there are so many carmen-s since foreverrr~~ lol. i will stop now cuz i know im getting a lil crappy right now. haha.
uhm, waiting for my brother..but i already knew what he would say once he comes home. "any complaints?" lol. such a good and adorable sister i am! *winks* well, you don't practically have to know what that relates to, but yeah, you dont have to know. wahhaa. im insane. GEE! my bladder is full, gonna pee now! see ya!
you are my rock, the one i hold on to.
still you make time for me, i can't understand.
how beautiful is your unfailing love.
my unfailing love.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
aussie, im here!
perhaps its due to the little awkward side of me that i only have the inspirational thoughts when im really having a problem to myself. most of the time when i do post, its only because i have severe contemplation or too depressing moments. they're normally untold and kept inside of me. and me. however i hope this time, i post, is not enthused by my sad moments, or rather, emotional feelings.
how time has passed, im already right here in australia. remember how i yearned to quit my job and come to aussie? i worked hard for this. well, i would say that im having alot of fun here, as well as anxieties. i have sorta forgotten what are those like, but happy moments, they're all inside my head. okok, as for the depressing part, in a way, i grow with them too, they're still kept with me in a subtle way. for good! uhm, guess i wont spill the beans out to you.
i have been to many places that i dont even know where to start with myself. i am currently shaking my legs in melbourne city at the very precious moment. why would i bring it out this way, basically because i've so fallen in love with this city that i dread to get back to tassie in a few days' time. i wouldnt say i despise tasmania but it is really calm and peaceful there. hello, im 19? for sure i would love somewhere where i could bring out the lively side of me..lol i mean, places like sydney or melbourne. tassie is a place of too many 'civilised' ones, erh they do not have the hyperactive feeling, if you get me. lol. okay, im goin on 20, stop doubting. so, whatever. hehe. throughout all these days, i have learnt alot. this is really a knowledgeable trip, for the record im still kicking in the city. its not the end yet, wow! =) in whatever way that it may cost me, it is all so worthwhile. i dont think i can ever do this when im really focusing in my studies in a bit, or when im in the working society. figure this out, who can ever take a 3 months of break and spend some money, getting away from the sickening country (well, sometimes it does piss me off, lol) and go abroad, to a country of your own options and spend hell lots of money on shopping spree, foooood, adventures...and the list goes on??!!
australia is a beautiful country, malaysia isn't.
i have taken many pictures but i dont have the time to upload all of them here, hehe it is also due to my slight procrastination but anyhow if you have facebook, you may be able to view all of the nice photos there, i do that so that my adorable mom can get access to the pictures at home herself and she doesnt have to bug me about how the condition right here is treating me. hehe, just joking, of course i would be more than willing to tell her the detailed information IF she ever calls. the thing is, she will not. yeah! pictures say more than a thousand words anyway... therefore the conclusion is, FACEBOOK!!! =p
i have so much things to say but so little time. it's close to 4am right now and i gotta get up at 8 or 9 am later? lol im traveling, that's why!! i can't possibly wake up at noon every day right, on top of that its Winter time!! argh, friggin' cold... =(
Just so you know...
malaysia is my country, australia isn't.
i am contented with what i already have and will have.
be proud to be a malaysian people!
to be cont'd.
how time has passed, im already right here in australia. remember how i yearned to quit my job and come to aussie? i worked hard for this. well, i would say that im having alot of fun here, as well as anxieties. i have sorta forgotten what are those like, but happy moments, they're all inside my head. okok, as for the depressing part, in a way, i grow with them too, they're still kept with me in a subtle way. for good! uhm, guess i wont spill the beans out to you.
i have been to many places that i dont even know where to start with myself. i am currently shaking my legs in melbourne city at the very precious moment. why would i bring it out this way, basically because i've so fallen in love with this city that i dread to get back to tassie in a few days' time. i wouldnt say i despise tasmania but it is really calm and peaceful there. hello, im 19? for sure i would love somewhere where i could bring out the lively side of me..lol i mean, places like sydney or melbourne. tassie is a place of too many 'civilised' ones, erh they do not have the hyperactive feeling, if you get me. lol. okay, im goin on 20, stop doubting. so, whatever. hehe. throughout all these days, i have learnt alot. this is really a knowledgeable trip, for the record im still kicking in the city. its not the end yet, wow! =) in whatever way that it may cost me, it is all so worthwhile. i dont think i can ever do this when im really focusing in my studies in a bit, or when im in the working society. figure this out, who can ever take a 3 months of break and spend some money, getting away from the sickening country (well, sometimes it does piss me off, lol) and go abroad, to a country of your own options and spend hell lots of money on shopping spree, foooood, adventures...and the list goes on??!!
australia is a beautiful country, malaysia isn't.
i have taken many pictures but i dont have the time to upload all of them here, hehe it is also due to my slight procrastination but anyhow if you have facebook, you may be able to view all of the nice photos there, i do that so that my adorable mom can get access to the pictures at home herself and she doesnt have to bug me about how the condition right here is treating me. hehe, just joking, of course i would be more than willing to tell her the detailed information IF she ever calls. the thing is, she will not. yeah! pictures say more than a thousand words anyway... therefore the conclusion is, FACEBOOK!!! =p
i have so much things to say but so little time. it's close to 4am right now and i gotta get up at 8 or 9 am later? lol im traveling, that's why!! i can't possibly wake up at noon every day right, on top of that its Winter time!! argh, friggin' cold... =(
Just so you know...
malaysia is my country, australia isn't.
i am contented with what i already have and will have.
be proud to be a malaysian people!
to be cont'd.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
no air
tilting my head back, i would see a barley black tea. it has been stationed there for quite some time already. i havent got the time to dump it into my rubbish bin- holdie, do i even have a dustbin? argh. my room is a total mess which my dad always complains and i fight back. i dont like it whenever he talks about how untidy my room is kept under. its like wtf, his room is not very well-organised as well. okay, i should pay a little respect. he is my dad, and i love him.
here's the thing. something which has put me off for a few weeks is this freakin stupid router that refuses to work for all these days. it is so hard not being able to go online. i cannot stand it. what i did was to pay a few bucks at a coffee shop or whatever cafe for weeks each day and make optimum use of its wiFi. i felt so cheapskate being myself, but at least i wasnt being ripped off by yet another 15 bucks for a cup of coffee which, its shop only opens until 12 am midnight, if you know wht i mean. and oh, it makes me phat too. then again, i think what i dish out from my own purse is more than wht i have to pay for streamyx each month. wth. wth.
i have now finally bought myself a new router. what's funny is that, it actually works. i had a thing in me. yikes, i have been calling this streamyx people making thousands of complaints saying how bad the reception at my place is and how the DSL light keeps blinkin at me so nonchalantly, its like wht the heck, i dont like watching it. and i get pissed eventually, every now and then, IF i ever see that little thing again. well, they sent the technician over to check and this is the conclusion - the router is broken. wth. so damn corny. next time must advise my cute brother to not keep the old-and-spoilt-already modem/router at home. instead, just throw it away or trade in or whatever-lah so that it would decrease the chances of meeting such embarrassment. sigh.
okay cool, so everything's settled down. but not until i go shopping at mid valley today. there was this bodyshop event at the concourse area. there i went for this free facial consultant. heck, i spent a few hundreds there. of course i did not only buy for myself. i bought a set for my beloved mother too, or rather she has to get used to this product because im not buying any estee lauder-s for her this time. i hope she would not complain using it because it is claimed to be made up of ingredients that have come from natural sources, which i dont know of, or dont give a thing about. haha, i feel so bimbo-ish right now.
not really.
because im falling asleep.
i just dont feel like waking up another day to work yet another day again.
cant wait till its June. and Here i come, aussie! yahoo!
alrighty, lets come back, gotta work for penny.
ka-ching!! ka-chingg!!!
whookay~~ im not done with today's outing yet. i caught a movie with a random friend today, why do i call it this way, well he knows why, i bet. it wasnt too bad afterall. the movie was fascinating, i didnt think it would turn out to be such a good piece. *thumbs up*
gone baby gone. aww.
here's the thing. something which has put me off for a few weeks is this freakin stupid router that refuses to work for all these days. it is so hard not being able to go online. i cannot stand it. what i did was to pay a few bucks at a coffee shop or whatever cafe for weeks each day and make optimum use of its wiFi. i felt so cheapskate being myself, but at least i wasnt being ripped off by yet another 15 bucks for a cup of coffee which, its shop only opens until 12 am midnight, if you know wht i mean. and oh, it makes me phat too. then again, i think what i dish out from my own purse is more than wht i have to pay for streamyx each month. wth. wth.
i have now finally bought myself a new router. what's funny is that, it actually works. i had a thing in me. yikes, i have been calling this streamyx people making thousands of complaints saying how bad the reception at my place is and how the DSL light keeps blinkin at me so nonchalantly, its like wht the heck, i dont like watching it. and i get pissed eventually, every now and then, IF i ever see that little thing again. well, they sent the technician over to check and this is the conclusion - the router is broken. wth. so damn corny. next time must advise my cute brother to not keep the old-and-spoilt-already modem/router at home. instead, just throw it away or trade in or whatever-lah so that it would decrease the chances of meeting such embarrassment. sigh.
okay cool, so everything's settled down. but not until i go shopping at mid valley today. there was this bodyshop event at the concourse area. there i went for this free facial consultant. heck, i spent a few hundreds there. of course i did not only buy for myself. i bought a set for my beloved mother too, or rather she has to get used to this product because im not buying any estee lauder-s for her this time. i hope she would not complain using it because it is claimed to be made up of ingredients that have come from natural sources, which i dont know of, or dont give a thing about. haha, i feel so bimbo-ish right now.
not really.
because im falling asleep.
i just dont feel like waking up another day to work yet another day again.
cant wait till its June. and Here i come, aussie! yahoo!
alrighty, lets come back, gotta work for penny.
ka-ching!! ka-chingg!!!
whookay~~ im not done with today's outing yet. i caught a movie with a random friend today, why do i call it this way, well he knows why, i bet. it wasnt too bad afterall. the movie was fascinating, i didnt think it would turn out to be such a good piece. *thumbs up*
gone baby gone. aww.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Round
the earth is round.
my stomach - ditto.
i am so freakin full.
right after a steamboat buffet.
hooray! hehe. *when it comes to food*
all the people have been talking about me. this is, i bet its the right thing. something i should be proud of. to your concern i am now working for the Izzinet company, the wireless broadband service brand ambassador. work was tough, it used to be so stressful that i hardly had the time to have a relaxing bath. never really spend my righteous time in a way it should be. everything was all jumbled up together, it was all too vague to be seen vividly.
right now. things change. as i see it in a challenging way.
i have become the top sales and already a leader to the team. in the meeting today, i got the recognition and also a souvenir from the iBurst - thingy. please google 'iBurst' in wikipedia or whatsoever if you have not heard of this, yet. hehe. argh, its a thumbdrive. its like, duh, like i don't have any. alright, i'll be grateful. and thankful.
on the surface it is indeed a good thing. though everyone just tries to beat you in a very subtle way. i sometimes dont like it, but i have to pretend i dont know anything. according to my dad, i have to be naive at times or just play the character. right, i have to admit i am really innocent at times. other than that, they talk to you like you're invincible, but they backstab you at your back. it is so fake. you, hypocrites!
it is complex, being carmen.
i will wake up when June arrives. i can't wait.
i need a break. like a real solid break. if you get what i mean.
so take a bow.
my stomach - ditto.
i am so freakin full.
right after a steamboat buffet.
hooray! hehe. *when it comes to food*
all the people have been talking about me. this is, i bet its the right thing. something i should be proud of. to your concern i am now working for the Izzinet company, the wireless broadband service brand ambassador. work was tough, it used to be so stressful that i hardly had the time to have a relaxing bath. never really spend my righteous time in a way it should be. everything was all jumbled up together, it was all too vague to be seen vividly.
right now. things change. as i see it in a challenging way.
i have become the top sales and already a leader to the team. in the meeting today, i got the recognition and also a souvenir from the iBurst - thingy. please google 'iBurst' in wikipedia or whatsoever if you have not heard of this, yet. hehe. argh, its a thumbdrive. its like, duh, like i don't have any. alright, i'll be grateful. and thankful.
on the surface it is indeed a good thing. though everyone just tries to beat you in a very subtle way. i sometimes dont like it, but i have to pretend i dont know anything. according to my dad, i have to be naive at times or just play the character. right, i have to admit i am really innocent at times. other than that, they talk to you like you're invincible, but they backstab you at your back. it is so fake. you, hypocrites!
it is complex, being carmen.
i will wake up when June arrives. i can't wait.
i need a break. like a real solid break. if you get what i mean.
so take a bow.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
somewhere
some things are meant to be.
no matter how hard you try sometimes, when things are destined to happen, sooner or later, i believe it would happen, somehow.we just can't push ourselves too hard, can we? just let it be, i would say, just leave evrything to God. He has already got a plan for us, a better plan; when things turn out to be bad, once we have gone through them, that i strongly have this mindset that those bad things would eventually make us stronger than the screwed up days.
occasionally i would hate myself. i am really selfish. and i act like a child. i cannot believe im already numb to a lot of occurences in my life. i do not have a special feeling toward certain eventful situation. and i have a mindset which is totally wrong. i dont really care about some things which other people strongly disapprove of. for instance, when i think it is not wrong to behave in that way, other people think the otherwise. then again it all still boils down to the same damn thing, i still care about what others think of me.
argh.i am not cool.
during this chinese new year, i lost an uncle. how should i put it in words. how i wish i could help when he was reaching out for someone, i did not do my best. it was either because i was too lazy to move my butt, or i was still in heaven chewing the titbits. argh. im not a good person. RIP. i dont wanna lose anyone else from now on. i cannot afford. oh well, GOD!!
***
my face is gross.
no matter how hard you try sometimes, when things are destined to happen, sooner or later, i believe it would happen, somehow.we just can't push ourselves too hard, can we? just let it be, i would say, just leave evrything to God. He has already got a plan for us, a better plan; when things turn out to be bad, once we have gone through them, that i strongly have this mindset that those bad things would eventually make us stronger than the screwed up days.
occasionally i would hate myself. i am really selfish. and i act like a child. i cannot believe im already numb to a lot of occurences in my life. i do not have a special feeling toward certain eventful situation. and i have a mindset which is totally wrong. i dont really care about some things which other people strongly disapprove of. for instance, when i think it is not wrong to behave in that way, other people think the otherwise. then again it all still boils down to the same damn thing, i still care about what others think of me.
argh.i am not cool.
during this chinese new year, i lost an uncle. how should i put it in words. how i wish i could help when he was reaching out for someone, i did not do my best. it was either because i was too lazy to move my butt, or i was still in heaven chewing the titbits. argh. im not a good person. RIP. i dont wanna lose anyone else from now on. i cannot afford. oh well, GOD!!
***
my face is gross.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
numb
there should be many things to be posted in this blog but i choose not to do so because i still wanna keep things to myself. im never really used to the thinking of sharing all my problem to people. i have always had secrets to myself, never really confide in anyone whole-heartedly. this is not because i do not trust them but i just thought i should mind my own business and solve them all by myself. and hell yeah, i think i can.
anyhow, i always tell myself that time can heal everything because time changes everything. you may prove me wrong but that's how i live.
this time right now, i should also be anticipating the blossom of the new year, right, its chinese new year. i don't have a special heart to invite this occasion, for instance, i do shop my own clothes and yeah i did, for the year, but that was just a very quick one and without the uniquely-required passion. i just bought the clothes for the sake of buying, or rather, for the love of new clothes. the tops i have bought are mostly red though. yeah, im still conscious. im glad im not moved away by my stupidity in dealing with certain nuisance.
it is also clearly shown that i am still under pressure.
a rush of blood to the head.
anyhow, i always tell myself that time can heal everything because time changes everything. you may prove me wrong but that's how i live.
this time right now, i should also be anticipating the blossom of the new year, right, its chinese new year. i don't have a special heart to invite this occasion, for instance, i do shop my own clothes and yeah i did, for the year, but that was just a very quick one and without the uniquely-required passion. i just bought the clothes for the sake of buying, or rather, for the love of new clothes. the tops i have bought are mostly red though. yeah, im still conscious. im glad im not moved away by my stupidity in dealing with certain nuisance.
it is also clearly shown that i am still under pressure.
a rush of blood to the head.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
all i want to say
people keep telling me what to do and what not. shall i take their advice or i should follow what my heart says. most of the time i do not act what i intended to do because i guess i care about what others have to say about me. i think i really do.
you will now tell me, i shan't listen to them. i should do what i feel like doing. what i want to do. and what i feel best doing. then again and again, my thinking and my action may vary. rather you could say, im a very indecisive person. though im trying to make my own decisions, hoping not to cause any trouble. so far, so good. =]
things are just fine. perhaps i should just count my blessings. i am loved. i should be happy. let go all the things that would give you a bad day my dear carmen. the world is beautiful. come to think of it, i think i havent had a really crying time with God long since. this may indeed be a blessing, or am i too numb to be shedding a tear for you. i won't stop working; making money. i just want to save some penny, and spend them. some time later.
i got a plan.
***
i no longer shout at you doesnt show a good sign my dear. you would still have to carry on with your own life no matter how bad your life turns out to be. you may never know, i still care about you because i love you. my ever young bro. please wake up and realise how things are getting out of hand. it is never too late.
buy me lollipops, anyone?
"substitute it with bittersweet chocolates, please?"
that's all i have to give.
you will now tell me, i shan't listen to them. i should do what i feel like doing. what i want to do. and what i feel best doing. then again and again, my thinking and my action may vary. rather you could say, im a very indecisive person. though im trying to make my own decisions, hoping not to cause any trouble. so far, so good. =]
things are just fine. perhaps i should just count my blessings. i am loved. i should be happy. let go all the things that would give you a bad day my dear carmen. the world is beautiful. come to think of it, i think i havent had a really crying time with God long since. this may indeed be a blessing, or am i too numb to be shedding a tear for you. i won't stop working; making money. i just want to save some penny, and spend them. some time later.
i got a plan.
***
i no longer shout at you doesnt show a good sign my dear. you would still have to carry on with your own life no matter how bad your life turns out to be. you may never know, i still care about you because i love you. my ever young bro. please wake up and realise how things are getting out of hand. it is never too late.
buy me lollipops, anyone?
"substitute it with bittersweet chocolates, please?"
that's all i have to give.
Friday, January 25, 2008
for a change
i can't believe im feeling better now. is it because i have mood swings or the world is round. somehow i feel kinda sleepy. though im actually texting someone on the phone. owh, on the screen. i just got to know this person, few days back i guess, oh well, yesterday. haha! surprisingly we have things in common. and i keep bullying this person.
it is fun.
then again...
not as fun. because im not talking to someone i want. because im not texting message with the one i love. because im not seeing someone i've missed. because i am sleepy but i dont feel like sleeping. because im feeling better but that doesn't mean im happy. because only someone can make me happy. because someone is not cracking me up with jokes. because everyone is busy. because no one cares.
im swept away by love.
it is fun.
then again...
not as fun. because im not talking to someone i want. because im not texting message with the one i love. because im not seeing someone i've missed. because i am sleepy but i dont feel like sleeping. because im feeling better but that doesn't mean im happy. because only someone can make me happy. because someone is not cracking me up with jokes. because everyone is busy. because no one cares.
im swept away by love.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
ReiMei to Silk Road
im seriously going nuts. im going crazy. i dont know what i live for. in this life, i know i was loved by you, you, you, you, you and probably you too! i might have all the love in the world, but it all boils down to the same damned question.
what have i been doing all my life?
the chief point is this : why.
no one could ever give me the defined and definite answer. i guess this is just one of those days again. i know this isn't the first time i'm going through such situation, and i actually have intention to go somewhere alone, for instance, i would go shopping alone or to take public transport alone.. i kinda enjoy it sometimes, or perhaps most of the time if im not in a hurry. it's basically because i get to listen to my favourite music and the best thing in it is that i live in the world of my own. the music to my heart is the key to my serenity. one i define.
also.
when you have something, you don't appreciate them. by the time you lose it, you will eventually start thinking about it, or do ponder-s. this is very common, isn't it? it's the selfish part of oneself. or rather, i would say, we lack self-conscious. most of everytime, we are not aware of what we are doing. we just want something new. we want to fight the curiosity in us. ultimately. we try new stuff. in the long run, we give up.
hell. it sounds like a sick cycle.
there's no practical sense in that. i can't fight this feeling anymore.
i guess i will stop all of these mindful thoughts and take shower now.
what have i been doing all my life?
the chief point is this : why.
no one could ever give me the defined and definite answer. i guess this is just one of those days again. i know this isn't the first time i'm going through such situation, and i actually have intention to go somewhere alone, for instance, i would go shopping alone or to take public transport alone.. i kinda enjoy it sometimes, or perhaps most of the time if im not in a hurry. it's basically because i get to listen to my favourite music and the best thing in it is that i live in the world of my own. the music to my heart is the key to my serenity. one i define.
also.
when you have something, you don't appreciate them. by the time you lose it, you will eventually start thinking about it, or do ponder-s. this is very common, isn't it? it's the selfish part of oneself. or rather, i would say, we lack self-conscious. most of everytime, we are not aware of what we are doing. we just want something new. we want to fight the curiosity in us. ultimately. we try new stuff. in the long run, we give up.
hell. it sounds like a sick cycle.
there's no practical sense in that. i can't fight this feeling anymore.
i guess i will stop all of these mindful thoughts and take shower now.
shut up and go carmen.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Miss Independent
it's late.
im listening to alicia's tell you something (nana's reprise) uh..
she's got a gorgeous voice.
i guess im kinda stressed out currently. i dont wanna talk to anyone about my problem. though if you'd ask me, i might tell you. because normally i dont bring issues at work home. it is not my way of dealing things. therefore i choose to walk my way back home. i've done that not many times. in fear of strangers, or whatever. i miss my music. even if im listening right now. im also missing someone, even if you're here with me right now. always.
i can never get enough of music.
as to how i can never get enough of you.
im listening to alicia's tell you something (nana's reprise) uh..
i cant wait i wont wait i dont wanna wait...
she's got a gorgeous voice.
i guess im kinda stressed out currently. i dont wanna talk to anyone about my problem. though if you'd ask me, i might tell you. because normally i dont bring issues at work home. it is not my way of dealing things. therefore i choose to walk my way back home. i've done that not many times. in fear of strangers, or whatever. i miss my music. even if im listening right now. im also missing someone, even if you're here with me right now. always.
i can never get enough of music.
as to how i can never get enough of you.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
anticipation
its all about life.
its all about waiting, you are anticipatin something that meets your preferences. its gonna take a lil time, i gradually tell myself at the end of time. i crave so much, to have a less hectic lifestyle. in the end, it all remains the same. the same damn thing in life. well, shit happens.
is there a miracle in life? some says yes. hell, there are even people around who would believe in such a thing. its symptoms are quite similar to The Darkness, who believes in a thing called love. perhaps there isnt anything in life that they could risk their lives for? or rather, they're playing on the safe track, it is their decision anyway. there isnt anything to lose, huh.. i'll just choose to agree to disagree then.
i dont feel good right now. maybe i'll talk later.
its all about waiting, you are anticipatin something that meets your preferences. its gonna take a lil time, i gradually tell myself at the end of time. i crave so much, to have a less hectic lifestyle. in the end, it all remains the same. the same damn thing in life. well, shit happens.
is there a miracle in life? some says yes. hell, there are even people around who would believe in such a thing. its symptoms are quite similar to The Darkness, who believes in a thing called love. perhaps there isnt anything in life that they could risk their lives for? or rather, they're playing on the safe track, it is their decision anyway. there isnt anything to lose, huh.. i'll just choose to agree to disagree then.
i dont feel good right now. maybe i'll talk later.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
December Buzz
Starhill Gallery is one hell of an indulgence. Been to Jogoya twice this month, wow, my stomach is feeling definitely treated but my pocket... lol anyway it was an absolute amazement.
here i go.
Caught a movie last night at the Pavilion, I AM LEGEND. didnt think it was a nice movie, paid a little patience, and in the end, things turned out, it wasn't great AT ALL. no offence to those who either enjoyed it, or rather, would like to give it a try. maybe that was just not for me.
there are things in life that certainly don't go our way.
my exam is finally over now. i could give my longest sigh of relief as much as i want but in order to earn more money (of course), im gonna work. and i am indeed working. work is tiring, then again, is there any which comes easy to your doorstep? hell no. therefore i'll just take that and have it crunched to myself. phew.
back to square one.
here i go.
Caught a movie last night at the Pavilion, I AM LEGEND. didnt think it was a nice movie, paid a little patience, and in the end, things turned out, it wasn't great AT ALL. no offence to those who either enjoyed it, or rather, would like to give it a try. maybe that was just not for me.
there are things in life that certainly don't go our way.
my exam is finally over now. i could give my longest sigh of relief as much as i want but in order to earn more money (of course), im gonna work. and i am indeed working. work is tiring, then again, is there any which comes easy to your doorstep? hell no. therefore i'll just take that and have it crunched to myself. phew.
back to square one.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
intensity in ten cities
hands held high for chiodos.
at times i do take time to remind myself, how i could be so interminably wordy. sigh, direct translation would be long-winded. and im repeating it, over and over again. why, im not in the mood. i would also doubt my own ability occasionally. i can not create new history for myself. i mean, nothing extraordinary. nothing towards the positive side. or perhaps there are, and i dont quite realise most of them. i do admit though, i only remember the bad things i've been through myself. right, i shouldn't pass that.
well, there's something i must say, that i normally write posts when im all wretched or depressed. i don't usually do it when im excruciatingly excited. hehe. then again, i didnt blog for the past few months, i reckon, and it wasnt at all related to this, if i was as much busy like the swarm of bees, enjoying my life. that was just plain procrastination.
coming clean, i did something immoral today, not rude. wicked. i am not gonna say it because that should be kept only between me and the little things that were involved. *giggles* everything has a price to pay, i have known that ever since, but i didn't practise that. today, initiatively, especially i was the chosen one.
fate has decided to punish me now, than later or never. that i shouldnt have acted the way i did. ahh, so freaking naive and innocent!!!!!
at times i do take time to remind myself, how i could be so interminably wordy. sigh, direct translation would be long-winded. and im repeating it, over and over again. why, im not in the mood. i would also doubt my own ability occasionally. i can not create new history for myself. i mean, nothing extraordinary. nothing towards the positive side. or perhaps there are, and i dont quite realise most of them. i do admit though, i only remember the bad things i've been through myself. right, i shouldn't pass that.
well, there's something i must say, that i normally write posts when im all wretched or depressed. i don't usually do it when im excruciatingly excited. hehe. then again, i didnt blog for the past few months, i reckon, and it wasnt at all related to this, if i was as much busy like the swarm of bees, enjoying my life. that was just plain procrastination.
coming clean, i did something immoral today, not rude. wicked. i am not gonna say it because that should be kept only between me and the little things that were involved. *giggles* everything has a price to pay, i have known that ever since, but i didn't practise that. today, initiatively, especially i was the chosen one.
fate has decided to punish me now, than later or never. that i shouldnt have acted the way i did. ahh, so freaking naive and innocent!!!!!
arghhh, HaagenDaaazz...you gave me (us) a hard time!!!
*back to reality*
Karma.Is.Ghastly.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
not me, not I
made errands the whole day. i didn't have complaints. it wasnt very much like myself. or perhaps i do act like that, i mean innately im a very patient person or all the good qualities you have in store for me. im influenced by somebody, perhaps?
when i was a little child, i used to behave like a nutcase. when things dont go my way, i would just blurt out all things that came to my freaking mind. i was so thoughtless and inconsiderate. the whole world was afraid of me, or maybe they hated me. i didnt care less. as time goes by, i came to understand many of my deeds are almost close to being a cannibal, the only thing that makes me different is that i dont eat them alive. right, it's like there's nothing else i'd do. mind you, im never a spoilt kid, even though im the only female at home, apart from my mom of course. relatives used to 'wonder' if i've swapped my sex with my brother's. should i be mad or sad? well, i ignored.
things are better now. i should carry on with my changes. for god's sake, i dont see the good values i have instinctively. guess that's something i should be proud of. or not.
***
as i turn on some old songs, i wish i could go back to the old days, when i was so naive. look i was still a kid, less responsibilities. i was only a mad fan of mtv and channel [v], nothing else. dude there goes my life. certain times, i would long to watch the Lizzie McGuire. Hehe. kinda find myself being girlish, which is hilarious.
have i changed or do i remain the same? well, this is somewhat a post - believe it or not. cheers.
when i was a little child, i used to behave like a nutcase. when things dont go my way, i would just blurt out all things that came to my freaking mind. i was so thoughtless and inconsiderate. the whole world was afraid of me, or maybe they hated me. i didnt care less. as time goes by, i came to understand many of my deeds are almost close to being a cannibal, the only thing that makes me different is that i dont eat them alive. right, it's like there's nothing else i'd do. mind you, im never a spoilt kid, even though im the only female at home, apart from my mom of course. relatives used to 'wonder' if i've swapped my sex with my brother's. should i be mad or sad? well, i ignored.
things are better now. i should carry on with my changes. for god's sake, i dont see the good values i have instinctively. guess that's something i should be proud of. or not.
***
as i turn on some old songs, i wish i could go back to the old days, when i was so naive. look i was still a kid, less responsibilities. i was only a mad fan of mtv and channel [v], nothing else. dude there goes my life. certain times, i would long to watch the Lizzie McGuire. Hehe. kinda find myself being girlish, which is hilarious.
have i changed or do i remain the same? well, this is somewhat a post - believe it or not. cheers.
Friday, October 12, 2007
idle
aggravated i am. with myself. im am soooo lazy. didnt do much study lately, i should get started right now. as the final exam of the year is near. so freaking right there. almost all of my friends are having their sweet holiday, some are dwelling on with part-time job, the rest just enjoy their time rotting at home, if not hanging out everyday with acquaintances. i dont mean im jealous though, relatively im kinda strained with the remaining time i have got left (not gonna die yet-lah). i have to study, all right, i'd better rephrase - i chooose to study!! i should have this mindset, rather.
well my doppelganger has left for India to further her studies in dentistry. from my deepest core, i wish her all the best. we've known each other ever since young, really young, like, when we were in our kindergarten. we werent close, well, heck knows! hehe.. fate brought us back together when we reached 13. we were finally classmates again, and then, we formed a group of associates. i really appreciate this relationship. it is just depressing because i live really far from their places, therefore, very few reunion. i even made things worse by transferring outta the school at 15. yeah all blames on me, im still glad im still keeping them as my close friends. more activities in the future, aight?
watching her tears flowing down the cheek, i got gloomy. reason being i didnt spend much time with her before today, hehe. luckily though, i made it to the KLIA this morning to see her off. she has totally broaden her circle of friends now, i didnt feel much neglected though. we meet people along the way. im blessed with many of them too. very close indeed. its all right as long as the people i care are happy with their surroundings. their lives.
***
there are many things ahead i havent accomplished that i planned for myself. i find life more challenging now. it's absurd that i have this feeling being apprehensive about my future. perhaps anticipating the unknown. life is truly an enigma! mann!
i wish that i could find the words to say ...
well my doppelganger has left for India to further her studies in dentistry. from my deepest core, i wish her all the best. we've known each other ever since young, really young, like, when we were in our kindergarten. we werent close, well, heck knows! hehe.. fate brought us back together when we reached 13. we were finally classmates again, and then, we formed a group of associates. i really appreciate this relationship. it is just depressing because i live really far from their places, therefore, very few reunion. i even made things worse by transferring outta the school at 15. yeah all blames on me, im still glad im still keeping them as my close friends. more activities in the future, aight?
watching her tears flowing down the cheek, i got gloomy. reason being i didnt spend much time with her before today, hehe. luckily though, i made it to the KLIA this morning to see her off. she has totally broaden her circle of friends now, i didnt feel much neglected though. we meet people along the way. im blessed with many of them too. very close indeed. its all right as long as the people i care are happy with their surroundings. their lives.
***
there are many things ahead i havent accomplished that i planned for myself. i find life more challenging now. it's absurd that i have this feeling being apprehensive about my future. perhaps anticipating the unknown. life is truly an enigma! mann!
i wish that i could find the words to say ...
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
i cant let that happen again
when you stumble in a very unpredictable posture, people actually laugh at you. i suggest you look around and watch people falling down, and sing along the gleeful London Bridge song, that doubles up the fun! go ahead.
in a hurry..
already you are feeling so wretched, the uncivilised and immoral delinquents still do mock at you. where is the sense in that? we are nurtured from young we oughta give a hand for those in need, or rather? i.e. those who fall down so desperately hideous and senior citizens to cross the furious road.
however i finally know now, how we have to get up ourselves during the ugliest moment and act like Homer.
Monday, June 25, 2007
the smarter window
put aside the negative thoughts for a moment, start counting my blessings, the world does seem like a better place to live in. i start to think to myself, why cant i just ignore the pettiest thing in life that bites, and live my own beautiful life whereby i hang out with friends, catching the latest moves on screen, window shopping, spending money on favourable goods, everything and everything. when i sit down right here and now, looking out the window from my room, i begin to realise, there are so much more fantastic and adventurous actions i could take, rather than just locking myself up in the room and get on with the mourning. life sucks, on that particular time in hell. i want to be loved again and i want to be heard. getting angry does not make things right, by the same token, no one even bothers to give a damn shit about it. when that happens, we would be the abandoned immature kiddos in town.
while you may be slotting in your guts well in your reference books, i am right there laughing with my jolly jaws wide open. i have now had nearly everything planned, life is not about burying yourself in the pressure which leads you to the sickening spot. as disheartening as it may sound, i would still have to spend millions of hours trying to sort out the very tough sums and solutions for the mathematics. and accounts. and economics. hehe. that is my duty after all. life contradicts well. i may have a moment of joy right now and i know, it can never stay forever, there's gotta be ups and downs in life to measure up the typical world. therefore, the only thing i can say is, come what may! haha..
i have blended myself into so many activities that God has for me, some i excelled, and of course, there have been failures. though i always stick to the motto that Experience is a very good teacher, yeah the next line is, She sends in terrific bills. awww.. well, i am now going to pass the bottom line because i dont have room for sadness for the meantime!! hehe, let bygones be bygones..
scenes from a memory. Im revived and Im back! =)
while you may be slotting in your guts well in your reference books, i am right there laughing with my jolly jaws wide open. i have now had nearly everything planned, life is not about burying yourself in the pressure which leads you to the sickening spot. as disheartening as it may sound, i would still have to spend millions of hours trying to sort out the very tough sums and solutions for the mathematics. and accounts. and economics. hehe. that is my duty after all. life contradicts well. i may have a moment of joy right now and i know, it can never stay forever, there's gotta be ups and downs in life to measure up the typical world. therefore, the only thing i can say is, come what may! haha..
i have blended myself into so many activities that God has for me, some i excelled, and of course, there have been failures. though i always stick to the motto that Experience is a very good teacher, yeah the next line is, She sends in terrific bills. awww.. well, i am now going to pass the bottom line because i dont have room for sadness for the meantime!! hehe, let bygones be bygones..
scenes from a memory. Im revived and Im back! =)
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
walking away.
running away does not solve anything.
i dread to 'sign in' and escape from peeling-myself in front of my own darkest eyes. you might be able to feel me, but not knowing the exact reason. i do not have to reveal how deep my sorrow is and how n when it is gonna eat me, alive. someday you'll know., somehow. i hope.
for the love of vodka, the pelican did not do a great job. i could not still laugh away with pain. there have been so many updates in my life, i will never understand where there are gonna put me to, somewhere out there i know. i would not call them as part of positive marks though.
listening to the songs, they have me back the sweet and bad memories. i cant help but to sing along. i guess i was being too naive with a troubled mind, it led me to this. if only i have not made part of the silly mistakes in the past, if and only if, i would have been a happier person. those things never go away. i keep cheering myself up each and every day, it is just too unfairly unnecessary. why cant i just be myself - feel the pain when im hurt, cry as hard as i want to and not forgetting to smile when im contented. instead of being normal, i do not have the guts to face the world. is there anyone who would and might be able to fix me? i wouldnt be given an answer. i truly know how sometimes people around us can be deceiving. hypocritespleasestayawayfromme.there are people who can make believe to be so nice (aww) but they would just show their backs on you eventually. who am i to trust at this moment?
emotionally if i ever talk to you again, i hope i would behave like a person like you.
i dread to 'sign in' and escape from peeling-myself in front of my own darkest eyes. you might be able to feel me, but not knowing the exact reason. i do not have to reveal how deep my sorrow is and how n when it is gonna eat me, alive. someday you'll know., somehow. i hope.
for the love of vodka, the pelican did not do a great job. i could not still laugh away with pain. there have been so many updates in my life, i will never understand where there are gonna put me to, somewhere out there i know. i would not call them as part of positive marks though.
listening to the songs, they have me back the sweet and bad memories. i cant help but to sing along. i guess i was being too naive with a troubled mind, it led me to this. if only i have not made part of the silly mistakes in the past, if and only if, i would have been a happier person. those things never go away. i keep cheering myself up each and every day, it is just too unfairly unnecessary. why cant i just be myself - feel the pain when im hurt, cry as hard as i want to and not forgetting to smile when im contented. instead of being normal, i do not have the guts to face the world. is there anyone who would and might be able to fix me? i wouldnt be given an answer. i truly know how sometimes people around us can be deceiving. hypocritespleasestayawayfromme.there are people who can make believe to be so nice (aww) but they would just show their backs on you eventually. who am i to trust at this moment?
emotionally if i ever talk to you again, i hope i would behave like a person like you.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Incomplete.
instead of rolling on my bed, i am actually thinking about wonderful wonders - all the reasons why the hideous are so lovely. are you gradually made confused by me? every now and then? Hmm..
i am most of the time sick of myself. why am i not studying at this moment? all the biggie exams are just so near, but i am still here. well, the feeling, it is just a feeling. Love is only a feeling. Hatred is also only a feeling. Love and hatred are a form of the only feeling. How could I think ill of myself? How could I? How could you...? I am even bewildered myself, what is there to say about you? i thought to myself. I am so dead.
what a wonderful world. life is not beautiful, though i cant take my eyes off it. somehow. hint: the hideous are so lovely. a temptation noone can resist.
sigh. I am still making rounds. I should so leave now. Life is too short, but we are only given one shot. Hence, live life in complete-something. sigh, again. Today's one of my close friends' birthday, i just wished her through a text message this afternoon. unfortunately there's still no response from her. i wonder why. has she changed her number already, without giving me the idea? im upset. OR perhaps, i think too much. she just doesnt feel like giving out replies cuz it would have cost her a bomb to do so to everyone. perhaps im just not the appreciated one. Alright, i must be thinking too much again. The little voices in my head is telling me to stop. *c-a-r--r-me-n*
Good luck to everyone who will be sitting for the Malaysian University English Test (MUET) this saturday. Especially myself.
i am most of the time sick of myself. why am i not studying at this moment? all the biggie exams are just so near, but i am still here. well, the feeling, it is just a feeling. Love is only a feeling. Hatred is also only a feeling. Love and hatred are a form of the only feeling. How could I think ill of myself? How could I? How could you...? I am even bewildered myself, what is there to say about you? i thought to myself. I am so dead.
what a wonderful world. life is not beautiful, though i cant take my eyes off it. somehow. hint: the hideous are so lovely. a temptation noone can resist.
sigh. I am still making rounds. I should so leave now. Life is too short, but we are only given one shot. Hence, live life in complete-something. sigh, again. Today's one of my close friends' birthday, i just wished her through a text message this afternoon. unfortunately there's still no response from her. i wonder why. has she changed her number already, without giving me the idea? im upset. OR perhaps, i think too much. she just doesnt feel like giving out replies cuz it would have cost her a bomb to do so to everyone. perhaps im just not the appreciated one. Alright, i must be thinking too much again. The little voices in my head is telling me to stop. *c-a-r--r-me-n*
Good luck to everyone who will be sitting for the Malaysian University English Test (MUET) this saturday. Especially myself.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Politics
i have always wanted to be in the Reds or Yellows when i was in my alma mater's. it's kinda funny that i would come up with such absurd thought. perhaps it symbolises the justice that we used to have in my school way back then, why on earth would i yearn for such? oh well, i was in Blue. The impairment has its specialty. The former and former will always be treated and remembered so well. That was so unfair.
i couldnt seem to find a way for existence to be seen.
all the very little things just plunged in without any sirens signalled, i am devastated. of all the things that you have sacrificed for at least you feel that you have had, you are then dupped as -useless freak and being treated as a nobody by a lunatic (1) in particular and of course, you (>1) are never left out, having not known me all this while but you think you have; there's a reason why certain objects are so wanted, you just havent. oOo i wish i could yell my lungs out straight to your face that, if so you think im a nobody, please make believe that nobody is perfect, in equality, I am indeed perfect!
u dare me?
yet i do know that im appreciated. massive applause to all of them. lol. I am so not matured, not childish.therefore would you please mind your own business? for now i have finally found my stone, why the hell would i ever forget about the Greens? Like, i am now a Yellow. I truly have gone through the drudgery that the well treated are deemed to. I hope I could make another option instead.
Jeez, i finally meet true Justice.
i couldnt seem to find a way for existence to be seen.
all the very little things just plunged in without any sirens signalled, i am devastated. of all the things that you have sacrificed for at least you feel that you have had, you are then dupped as -useless freak and being treated as a nobody by a lunatic (1) in particular and of course, you (>1) are never left out, having not known me all this while but you think you have; there's a reason why certain objects are so wanted, you just havent. oOo i wish i could yell my lungs out straight to your face that, if so you think im a nobody, please make believe that nobody is perfect, in equality, I am indeed perfect!
u dare me?
yet i do know that im appreciated. massive applause to all of them. lol. I am so not matured, not childish.therefore would you please mind your own business? for now i have finally found my stone, why the hell would i ever forget about the Greens? Like, i am now a Yellow. I truly have gone through the drudgery that the well treated are deemed to. I hope I could make another option instead.
Jeez, i finally meet true Justice.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Unforgiven
perhaps i expected too much from the past. it has all now turned into darkness. i cannot believe myself believing all the lies that i have been lied to. i can never forgive myself for being such an unscrupulous nuisance. for that, i will weep myself a villain.
i know so much that i have been idle but my heart is still beating for this, my dear. im going crazy, things have not been working out so well, and yet, no one hears me. it is just so uneven that when you confide in someone so profoundly that he can hardly understand you, nor can she learn to appreciate the person you have always trying hard to be. then again, it all goes back to the same pathetic ellipse, fact always hurts; they do not overlook you as a friend, let alone a close one. oh well, just some passers-by on the stage i reckon, life's a brief candle my dear, if you are willing to lit that bit up, it will not be reluctant to shine itself bright for you, if, the otherwise. could anyone out there show me an earthly way of knowing such, right, could i have an acquaintance in time, for god's sake?
True friends are rare, really rare. you know i would have [had] you in mind, don't you?
at the end of the day, you will still have yourself. Cheers. =]
i know so much that i have been idle but my heart is still beating for this, my dear. im going crazy, things have not been working out so well, and yet, no one hears me. it is just so uneven that when you confide in someone so profoundly that he can hardly understand you, nor can she learn to appreciate the person you have always trying hard to be. then again, it all goes back to the same pathetic ellipse, fact always hurts; they do not overlook you as a friend, let alone a close one. oh well, just some passers-by on the stage i reckon, life's a brief candle my dear, if you are willing to lit that bit up, it will not be reluctant to shine itself bright for you, if, the otherwise. could anyone out there show me an earthly way of knowing such, right, could i have an acquaintance in time, for god's sake?
True friends are rare, really rare. you know i would have [had] you in mind, don't you?
at the end of the day, you will still have yourself. Cheers. =]
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Goal.
2006 sucked bad.
everything went on so NOT smoothly.
barricades were along the way offering aid.
thanks so much, it was like i wasn't me at all.
i used to have all the little things i had wanted.
it was all gone in a year.
all gone.
oh well, seems this is an angry post
well its not.
those were just plain truth.
had nothing else to complain about.
those bad stuffs are gone.
hooray for a new year has come.
might be too late for me to welcome this, but the feeling is still there
aint it?
let's just start anew
by not mentioning the new year cliched resolutions
why can we not just do it
love you.
love myself.
love 2007.
everything went on so NOT smoothly.
barricades were along the way offering aid.
thanks so much, it was like i wasn't me at all.
i used to have all the little things i had wanted.
it was all gone in a year.
all gone.
oh well, seems this is an angry post
well its not.
those were just plain truth.
had nothing else to complain about.
those bad stuffs are gone.
hooray for a new year has come.
might be too late for me to welcome this, but the feeling is still there
aint it?
let's just start anew
by not mentioning the new year cliched resolutions
why can we not just do it
love you.
love myself.
love 2007.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Behaviour.
i have come to this touch whereby i can never believe it myself that i am so gonna quit my job. what is it, well, theoretically im quitting my job as a pessimistic. you never know dear.. no matter how much i hated one particular person to have done some unlikely things to me, i could not have been a better person without allowing that one person to have boiled the immense hysteria out on me, it wasnt hot enough babe, if you could only see me now. im gonna fire you instead. and its even funnier when you were all this while trying to squeeze things out from me. gribberish crap, dude. please thank me for giving you that one (1) power to do so. yes, its countable, for there's nothing left. for you, not of me.
im so over it.
shall we just flip through a few more chapters, to dishearteningly find that oh so childish i was. im not a grown-up yet, not entirely. its such a ludicrous thing to say though that im only 18, yet having acted like a fool all this while, well to me im old enough to have just realised this. dear, im willing to change, its not like i can never have a better opportunity to confront my alter ego. you will see a different side of me darling, no worries.
there are tonnes of uncanny things that you never have been exposed to, which im rather particular to just being headed down on, well, look at the other side of the world, everything is just right in front of your eerie eyes to see - be-have-iour. its cool, isnt it? alrighty its not if you dont see it. =)
say, if im a jovial person, i will be able to achieve and to have and to hold a certain pleasure that i have all been seeking for. does it make sense at all, by any chance? well, one's character does change a life. i am so innately motivated by some angels up there. behaviour, oh so tensed. relax, sweetie? *winks* it will just take some time, ' Let go! ' !!
***
hey its the Yuletide season again, for the wondeer-ful moment, eve of the Xmas Eve, hereby i blow a warm kiss to everyone out there! *smoochies*
here's a thing, among the deers, why do people only and only remember Rudolph?? hmm..............
***
Feed the world!!!
Merry Xmas!
im so over it.
shall we just flip through a few more chapters, to dishearteningly find that oh so childish i was. im not a grown-up yet, not entirely. its such a ludicrous thing to say though that im only 18, yet having acted like a fool all this while, well to me im old enough to have just realised this. dear, im willing to change, its not like i can never have a better opportunity to confront my alter ego. you will see a different side of me darling, no worries.
there are tonnes of uncanny things that you never have been exposed to, which im rather particular to just being headed down on, well, look at the other side of the world, everything is just right in front of your eerie eyes to see - be-have-iour. its cool, isnt it? alrighty its not if you dont see it. =)
say, if im a jovial person, i will be able to achieve and to have and to hold a certain pleasure that i have all been seeking for. does it make sense at all, by any chance? well, one's character does change a life. i am so innately motivated by some angels up there. behaviour, oh so tensed. relax, sweetie? *winks* it will just take some time, ' Let go! ' !!
***
hey its the Yuletide season again, for the wondeer-ful moment, eve of the Xmas Eve, hereby i blow a warm kiss to everyone out there! *smoochies*
here's a thing, among the deers, why do people only and only remember Rudolph?? hmm..............
***
Feed the world!!!
Merry Xmas!
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
why..
im uncertain why im here.
i have not updated myself right here for some time, or perhaps, not even in real life. im not very convinced with the things i have now, well, you could presume im a lil demanding. hell yeah, my expectation is as high as the mountain. but thankfully, not humble.
i dont wanna steal the words from anyone of you out there, i only wanna be myself. yet being one, its not easy. unlike some people, they just go round fumble their pouch everything they want is there. what about me, right, you do not need everything in life. well its not very motivating, it vaguely gives me an idea that you dont take things seriously. i dont pretty much like it.
feel awkward with everyone around me, i start to ponder about the little monster in my head. yeah, im indeed, despisable. do i have to question myself again - will i sink or swim?
i felt so lonely in the pathway. thank you very much.
i have not updated myself right here for some time, or perhaps, not even in real life. im not very convinced with the things i have now, well, you could presume im a lil demanding. hell yeah, my expectation is as high as the mountain. but thankfully, not humble.
i dont wanna steal the words from anyone of you out there, i only wanna be myself. yet being one, its not easy. unlike some people, they just go round fumble their pouch everything they want is there. what about me, right, you do not need everything in life. well its not very motivating, it vaguely gives me an idea that you dont take things seriously. i dont pretty much like it.
feel awkward with everyone around me, i start to ponder about the little monster in my head. yeah, im indeed, despisable. do i have to question myself again - will i sink or swim?
i felt so lonely in the pathway. thank you very much.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Il Divo, always
Lonely
The path you have chosen
And restless road, no turning back
One day you will find your light again
Don't you know
Don't let go, be strong
Follow you heart
Let your love lead through the darkness
Back to a place you once knew
Follow your dreams
Be yourself, an angel of kindness
There's nothing that you cannot do
I believe in you.
The path you have chosen
And restless road, no turning back
One day you will find your light again
Don't you know
Don't let go, be strong
Follow you heart
Let your love lead through the darkness
Back to a place you once knew
Follow your dreams
Be yourself, an angel of kindness
There's nothing that you cannot do
I believe in you.
Monday, November 27, 2006
heaven-sent treat!
for now i really gotta believe the senseless statement i always make to people. well, it's somehow ridiculous in some ways if you don't see it my way - urgh, i lost my bloody new Dopod smartphone which i bought few days back. to be precise, it was only mine for 2 bloody damned days. i was moody at first, but later on, i turned out to be rather fine. it was sorta peculiar though. well, let's just say all thanks to the hot chocolate. *indulgence*
owh about the statement, what about this, well, the main reason God gives us the opportunity to earn some moolahz is because He wants us to be treated in a better condition, with THE money. i guess its provenly true now; no matter how i sillily i tried to escape from fishing out my ka-chings, i'd still have to spend on my SECOND MOBILE (what the heck) !!! agree on that? therefore, i got myself a new pair or Nike yesterday. =p and a NOSEY heels, lol.
gribberish!
all right, im currently working at the Shangri-la Hotel in KL the experience is awesome, you know, get to meet tonnes of new people, and to work with them! guess i do not have to mention the names here for myself as a mark for future reference cuz i'd remember im certain, and you to know them? it's not of importance, hehe dont get misunderstood, just that you wouldn't know them right, even if i DO list em names down, ah.. im outta mind. apologies!
geez, the touch of swaying things out together in a bond is way too brilliant an idea, grateful i am! well, just so coincidently i met 2 of my primary mates there at the banquet, i was shocked in astonishment, cuz one of them is kinda.. well, our parents know each other really well. we didnt have much time to chat the other day cuz she was in a rush, what pity! anyway, i felt a lil somethin' sooner then, spooky lil boogie.. *hehe*
ugh, you wonder how i lost my phone? well, i left it at Shang's ladies, got that? there's a price to pay for E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G !!! dammnit!
***
some days i just dislike myself. i am not firm. i am not generous. i am afraid. i am selfish. i am clumsy. i am all that you think i negatively am. i am indecisive. i am..
owh about the statement, what about this, well, the main reason God gives us the opportunity to earn some moolahz is because He wants us to be treated in a better condition, with THE money. i guess its provenly true now; no matter how i sillily i tried to escape from fishing out my ka-chings, i'd still have to spend on my SECOND MOBILE (what the heck) !!! agree on that? therefore, i got myself a new pair or Nike yesterday. =p and a NOSEY heels, lol.
gribberish!
all right, im currently working at the Shangri-la Hotel in KL the experience is awesome, you know, get to meet tonnes of new people, and to work with them! guess i do not have to mention the names here for myself as a mark for future reference cuz i'd remember im certain, and you to know them? it's not of importance, hehe dont get misunderstood, just that you wouldn't know them right, even if i DO list em names down, ah.. im outta mind. apologies!
geez, the touch of swaying things out together in a bond is way too brilliant an idea, grateful i am! well, just so coincidently i met 2 of my primary mates there at the banquet, i was shocked in astonishment, cuz one of them is kinda.. well, our parents know each other really well. we didnt have much time to chat the other day cuz she was in a rush, what pity! anyway, i felt a lil somethin' sooner then, spooky lil boogie.. *hehe*
ugh, you wonder how i lost my phone? well, i left it at Shang's ladies, got that? there's a price to pay for E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G !!! dammnit!
***
some days i just dislike myself. i am not firm. i am not generous. i am afraid. i am selfish. i am clumsy. i am all that you think i negatively am. i am indecisive. i am..
Saturday, November 18, 2006
worth savin me..
plenty of photo frames abandoned. well, not exactly, there're just right there, in front of my macabre outlined eyes, with the carved-out decoration, like, a gal strutting her assets, the heaven sent innocent gal tryin to do some farming or even the simplest macked out woody ones..what a thing to say, they are just deserted as though they're meant to be. the existence is there but how well can a man misuse it and just shrug it off. just like a peanut. it is absurd.
nothing will be the same ever again, no matter how hard i try, gone are the days with honeyed memories, left are the fake hypocritical faces trying to be the same candy. or is it a rivalry, to be frank? i feel like chucking the faces into the nearest garbage around where noone else could catch me littering it. lol.
as days go by, even the most sophisticated philistines would be on tenterhooks. the practice gives us a moral value to be absorbed; never dwell too much of passion into some things. i know it will hurt really bad before it gets better. i am fooled. at this moment now, anyone'd like to punk me? please do.
no matter how hard i try, i can't love you anymore.
nothing will be the same ever again, no matter how hard i try, gone are the days with honeyed memories, left are the fake hypocritical faces trying to be the same candy. or is it a rivalry, to be frank? i feel like chucking the faces into the nearest garbage around where noone else could catch me littering it. lol.
as days go by, even the most sophisticated philistines would be on tenterhooks. the practice gives us a moral value to be absorbed; never dwell too much of passion into some things. i know it will hurt really bad before it gets better. i am fooled. at this moment now, anyone'd like to punk me? please do.
no matter how hard i try, i can't love you anymore.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Dilemma
its freaking hard to do this, knowing its not right to drag but still, i have to. i gotta work out a good way to face this lil bug, pleaz, leave me alone. i have thought of ways to make it easy for everyone, generally, but people tend not to appreciate that. say what, Karma, im afraid of that truly. right, i hope i'd feel less remorse of a kind when i do step out wrongly in any ways. well, no regrets in life, remember it always carm!!
or rather, i should throw myself in the crowd, see if there are people who'd have their hands up to keep me in the air, that'd be way cool, like how Brendon Urie'd most probably do when he gets too lethargic of the camisado-hitz and thought of having everyone screaming at him, keeping him soaring high instead and getting carried away with him could jab a fascinating touch to that performance, ouchh!!! i wouldnt have a slight chance to! neither will i jump off frm the stage. lol.
im getting a lil' demented at the very moment, if you'd excuse me!
or rather, i should throw myself in the crowd, see if there are people who'd have their hands up to keep me in the air, that'd be way cool, like how Brendon Urie'd most probably do when he gets too lethargic of the camisado-hitz and thought of having everyone screaming at him, keeping him soaring high instead and getting carried away with him could jab a fascinating touch to that performance, ouchh!!! i wouldnt have a slight chance to! neither will i jump off frm the stage. lol.
im getting a lil' demented at the very moment, if you'd excuse me!
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
not forgettin' GN'R
they will never be forgotten. after all the drudgery that they have been through, they certainly deserve such grand tribute, from the deepest core of the heart. Welcome back! this time around, with Chinese Democracy. well, it's been a long time since they have released an album of new material (a profound intrusion having Slash gone!! sigh!). yes, im talking about Guns N Roses! nonetheless, Use Your Illusion I will still be the best album of theirs, i reckon. hehe cuz it simply has my favourite songs in it. *chuckles****
November Rain
performed by GnR
performed by GnR
When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same
nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain
We've been through this such a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain
But lovers always come and lovers always go
An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today
Walking away
If we could take the time to lay it on the line
I could rest my head just knowin' that you were mine, all mine
So if you want to love me
then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November rain
Do you need some time on your own
Do you need some time all alone
Everybody needs some time on their own
Don't you know you need some time all alone
I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you?
Sometimes I need some time on my own
Sometimes I need some time all alone
Everybody needs some time on their own
Don't you know you need some time all alone
And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain
Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same
nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain
We've been through this such a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain
But lovers always come and lovers always go
An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today
Walking away
If we could take the time to lay it on the line
I could rest my head just knowin' that you were mine, all mine
So if you want to love me
then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November rain
Do you need some time on your own
Do you need some time all alone
Everybody needs some time on their own
Don't you know you need some time all alone
I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you?
Sometimes I need some time on my own
Sometimes I need some time all alone
Everybody needs some time on their own
Don't you know you need some time all alone
And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain
Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Blue October hates me.
perhaps one day when i can move along, i will wake up.
just feel like screaming my bloody lungs out, it's been inside of me for a long period of time already but i havent really gushed it out to you, somehow, ultimately i would. why cant anyone hear me when im calling out for them? as i've always said, the world's never been good to me, or rather i didnt very much appreciate em, but still, i will not have regrets. well, what's more to say then, good things never really give way to people like me.
i might have too high of an expectation but its how you perceive such things in your way, well perhaps, perhaps i should look at it in a different perspective, is it time to have a change, dear?
and hell no, i will never degrade it. like, why say 'pink' when you can say 'fuschia'?
do i have to do the same damn thing over and over again? im angry and i find it dramatically unfair. there are things i really dont feel like doing but i cant speak up cuz it will only do me no good, if not harm. at times, i cannot stand the way it is that is happening around me, or perhaps im selfish myself, i just cant get over some things i am particular with. all right, i'll need some time for that. excuse me.
and another thing is that im blogging all these what seems like a vain effort, hoping something would actually favour this hooligan. laugh with it and to say goodbye to my october. yes its mine, mind you. So long, not good night.
just feel like screaming my bloody lungs out, it's been inside of me for a long period of time already but i havent really gushed it out to you, somehow, ultimately i would. why cant anyone hear me when im calling out for them? as i've always said, the world's never been good to me, or rather i didnt very much appreciate em, but still, i will not have regrets. well, what's more to say then, good things never really give way to people like me.
i might have too high of an expectation but its how you perceive such things in your way, well perhaps, perhaps i should look at it in a different perspective, is it time to have a change, dear?
and hell no, i will never degrade it. like, why say 'pink' when you can say 'fuschia'?
do i have to do the same damn thing over and over again? im angry and i find it dramatically unfair. there are things i really dont feel like doing but i cant speak up cuz it will only do me no good, if not harm. at times, i cannot stand the way it is that is happening around me, or perhaps im selfish myself, i just cant get over some things i am particular with. all right, i'll need some time for that. excuse me.
and another thing is that im blogging all these what seems like a vain effort, hoping something would actually favour this hooligan. laugh with it and to say goodbye to my october. yes its mine, mind you. So long, not good night.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
This Can't Die
we have unfinished business!!
the world is so beautiful, but i didnt know. i let go a lot of pleasant things in life. i only got to realize it when i cry though, that'd be far too late for me then. perhaps you might gonna have to tell me that's when i should be smiling. but that's not it. =)
i flaunt my intelligence the other way that i find it ludicrous at times. you have already known it if you knew me well enough, therefore nevermind the questions. so there you assume! however it is, to somebody i have no wit but its okay, they're just shallow. i dont have to prove to them how i hold an absurd grief to the things they do.
whee! im alive! Buon Giorno, Principessa Carmen! (aww, im honoured! =p)
Am rather anxious about the future. i dont quite like the way it is now, because apart from studying the textbooks or scamming through the fake facts about the immature game my country's Prime Minister, Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi (Pak Lah, lol) and the former PM, Tun Mahathir are playing, i am still awaiting to reach a certain stage whereby i am totally vindicated from the upset surroundings. and yicks, the Light Rapid Transit (LRT) in Malaysia actually dangled in the air (how long did it go eh?). for god's sake, screw the constructions.
what a shame-lah, ouchh!!
the world is so beautiful, but i didnt know. i let go a lot of pleasant things in life. i only got to realize it when i cry though, that'd be far too late for me then. perhaps you might gonna have to tell me that's when i should be smiling. but that's not it. =)
i flaunt my intelligence the other way that i find it ludicrous at times. you have already known it if you knew me well enough, therefore nevermind the questions. so there you assume! however it is, to somebody i have no wit but its okay, they're just shallow. i dont have to prove to them how i hold an absurd grief to the things they do.
whee! im alive! Buon Giorno, Principessa Carmen! (aww, im honoured! =p)
Am rather anxious about the future. i dont quite like the way it is now, because apart from studying the textbooks or scamming through the fake facts about the immature game my country's Prime Minister, Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi (Pak Lah, lol) and the former PM, Tun Mahathir are playing, i am still awaiting to reach a certain stage whereby i am totally vindicated from the upset surroundings. and yicks, the Light Rapid Transit (LRT) in Malaysia actually dangled in the air (how long did it go eh?). for god's sake, screw the constructions.
what a shame-lah, ouchh!!
Friday, October 27, 2006
except a Rado.
there're more of me that you haven't seen.
they think they know me. they think they're very close to me. how could they ever tell, i'm just a person with a name. i guess i gotta chuckle to myself, even next to me is an invisible man. when i try to reach out for you, do you think you'll be able to make it there for me. jeez, everyone tends to get hooked up with our haughty eccentric, like, i have never said i adore-something. people, they have me as a topic in between their conversations, as if i haven't a clue. im upset. they never ask. they have preconceived idea, of me. they dont do it based on sufficient knowledge about me. it is not fair. at all. to me.
but i dont speak up. b.l.a.m.e myself.
on account that you might get carried away when you talk, it's better if you just shuddap! dont speak my language, i dont very much like it. i have been trying to fill up my days with the good memories we once shared; the good ones, stay forever. how many times can i pretend though? i will be tired, if i see no appreciation. hey i dont give n give, without having a slight chance to take at all.. im not as generous as you think, if you presumee! sigh, its an imbalance of justice.
why do i have things to do with injustice, all the time, why? if you find guilt from this writing, its better if you do.
holy crap.
what do i do now? there are good evidences why i am given a fine name, you just havent; ya have to look one for yourself, cheap hypocrite! take that!!
get it? im traiiiing to be generous.
they think they know me. they think they're very close to me. how could they ever tell, i'm just a person with a name. i guess i gotta chuckle to myself, even next to me is an invisible man. when i try to reach out for you, do you think you'll be able to make it there for me. jeez, everyone tends to get hooked up with our haughty eccentric, like, i have never said i adore-something. people, they have me as a topic in between their conversations, as if i haven't a clue. im upset. they never ask. they have preconceived idea, of me. they dont do it based on sufficient knowledge about me. it is not fair. at all. to me.
but i dont speak up. b.l.a.m.e myself.
on account that you might get carried away when you talk, it's better if you just shuddap! dont speak my language, i dont very much like it. i have been trying to fill up my days with the good memories we once shared; the good ones, stay forever. how many times can i pretend though? i will be tired, if i see no appreciation. hey i dont give n give, without having a slight chance to take at all.. im not as generous as you think, if you presumee! sigh, its an imbalance of justice.
why do i have things to do with injustice, all the time, why? if you find guilt from this writing, its better if you do.
holy crap.
what do i do now? there are good evidences why i am given a fine name, you just havent; ya have to look one for yourself, cheap hypocrite! take that!!
get it? im traiiiing to be generous.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Kiss from a Villain
such a massive repulsion is conjuring up inside.. i feel so disgusted. i dont feel like talking to anyone else right now. not even myself. the only thing to do is to blast out loud music , well, rock ballads. its still peculiar, cuz i aint supposed to listen to any ballads for the moment, well maybe something to do with angst or hysteria..suits me more? argh! but im no angry, neither am i emotional.
*some days i feel like shit. i wanna quit. n' be normal for a bit.*
do i have to smile before i laugh? do i have to leap before i jump? do i have to swim before i drown? all these questions are meant not for scamps but could i fortify more of those, so i would be one sinner? hope not.
i doubt if everything i do is right. it just looks so wrong. i dont wanna do this no more. and to hell with it, no regrets in life? funny...not!! how could we? unless we're born not with the dream n the fickle mind to be more motivated. and to struggle, damnnit!! if someone is all under estimated, now you tell me? cuz i feel like a cow now, with nothing.
***
enough of those. im actually fine cuz i know nothing's gonna be all right, even if i sit through with my inevitable agony. and yes carm, live with it! i dont need nobody to sympathise, i can handle it myself. life is ours and we do it our way! who else to blame, eh?
join me my Black Parade!!!
*some days i feel like shit. i wanna quit. n' be normal for a bit.*
do i have to smile before i laugh? do i have to leap before i jump? do i have to swim before i drown? all these questions are meant not for scamps but could i fortify more of those, so i would be one sinner? hope not.
i doubt if everything i do is right. it just looks so wrong. i dont wanna do this no more. and to hell with it, no regrets in life? funny...not!! how could we? unless we're born not with the dream n the fickle mind to be more motivated. and to struggle, damnnit!! if someone is all under estimated, now you tell me? cuz i feel like a cow now, with nothing.
***
enough of those. im actually fine cuz i know nothing's gonna be all right, even if i sit through with my inevitable agony. and yes carm, live with it! i dont need nobody to sympathise, i can handle it myself. life is ours and we do it our way! who else to blame, eh?
join me my Black Parade!!!
Monday, October 23, 2006
Saturday, October 07, 2006
i faked it.
so much for being 18.
life's such a hurly-burly FM that i dread to stay. what's the worst that i can say? it is not about what i dislike or how unfairly God's been treating me, anyhow, i do not need a reason to be angry with god. i have been so gleefully enjoying my everyday's mainly-routine but somehow something's gotta give.
xxx
few days back, i celebrated my 18th birthday. it was fine. i never expected my thoughtful classmates to have bought me a cake from CoffeeBean; tiffany sweetheart, that is. i really liked the picture of they getting it for me. it was really sweet of them. to be real, never judge a book by its cover, haha cuz it didnt really taste as good. later, i got another icecream-cake from Baker'sCottage by my beloved pals, to my big surprise, it turned out to be freaking temptatious, even better than the CoffeeBean's..haha guess we shall only grab cheesecakes from CoffeeBean, the other normal butter or creamcakes, well, leave that to SecretRecipe, still. lol.
right here, i shall blow a thank-you smooch to the ones who have gotten me the birthday wishes and gifts. i do appreciate them. it's times like this that i can truly see a heart. so long and be good.
life's such a hurly-burly FM that i dread to stay. what's the worst that i can say? it is not about what i dislike or how unfairly God's been treating me, anyhow, i do not need a reason to be angry with god. i have been so gleefully enjoying my everyday's mainly-routine but somehow something's gotta give.
xxx
few days back, i celebrated my 18th birthday. it was fine. i never expected my thoughtful classmates to have bought me a cake from CoffeeBean; tiffany sweetheart, that is. i really liked the picture of they getting it for me. it was really sweet of them. to be real, never judge a book by its cover, haha cuz it didnt really taste as good. later, i got another icecream-cake from Baker'sCottage by my beloved pals, to my big surprise, it turned out to be freaking temptatious, even better than the CoffeeBean's..haha guess we shall only grab cheesecakes from CoffeeBean, the other normal butter or creamcakes, well, leave that to SecretRecipe, still. lol.
right here, i shall blow a thank-you smooch to the ones who have gotten me the birthday wishes and gifts. i do appreciate them. it's times like this that i can truly see a heart. so long and be good.
Monday, October 02, 2006
i call th(e)s(e)...HOT!
i cant get enough of them boys!!! OhMyGawd. their album is worth so much for a Bailey's chocolate milk!
and owh, i want Baileys for my birthday!!! hahaha...its a joke. not!
very funny, its just a yawp to constantly remind myself of the red wines (duh!) we have in the freaking fridge, screw it! ahh...everyone's drinking Baileys.. lol
Friday, September 29, 2006
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Saturday, September 16, 2006
excitement!
lol...reading back the previous post, i'd feel im childish myself..now you know, people really do gain from experiences..and that we're back to good terms again..guess a tiny thing like that can never break the crucial relationship, i'd say. *appreciate that*
wow..life is so much happier now..
i baked a Tiramisu Cheesecake yesterday!!! oh.my.gawd. i cannot believe it, and when it's right time to be served, i was like sitting there, fishing for their opinions (read, criticism lol)cuz they're very particular in cakes..hehe and out of my surprise, it turned out to be good. the feedback is cool, and im contented. The cakes, they'll build the anticipation outta me, before i start off with my own business! hehe. (credits to lilian XD)
i was in high spirits last night. someone even suggests that i get an mp3 to recover my insanity, lol. this person should be spanked, thoroughly. haha..
wow..life is so much happier now..
i baked a Tiramisu Cheesecake yesterday!!! oh.my.gawd. i cannot believe it, and when it's right time to be served, i was like sitting there, fishing for their opinions (read, criticism lol)cuz they're very particular in cakes..hehe and out of my surprise, it turned out to be good. the feedback is cool, and im contented. The cakes, they'll build the anticipation outta me, before i start off with my own business! hehe. (credits to lilian XD)
i was in high spirits last night. someone even suggests that i get an mp3 to recover my insanity, lol. this person should be spanked, thoroughly. haha..
Sunday, September 03, 2006
get a life
you literally want the whole world to know im at fault. heck.
i do not need a freaking generosity from you.
you never are appreciative with you friends.
have you ever wondered how you treat your 'so-called' close friends?
nobody cares to come clean.
carry on with you comparisons.
at least someone has had enough.
have you ever respected me as a friend?
heck knows.
not to mention a close one.
please examine yourself before you slip your mouth.
you win it all in spite of your petiteness.
compassions in my nature,
and tonight is our last stand.
i do not need a freaking generosity from you.
you never are appreciative with you friends.
have you ever wondered how you treat your 'so-called' close friends?
nobody cares to come clean.
carry on with you comparisons.
at least someone has had enough.
have you ever respected me as a friend?
heck knows.
not to mention a close one.
please examine yourself before you slip your mouth.
you win it all in spite of your petiteness.
compassions in my nature,
and tonight is our last stand.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
the carmenology..cool eh
Ten Top Trivia Tips about Carmen!
- If you toss carmen 10000 times, she will not land heads 5000 times, but more like 4950, because her head weighs more and thus ends up on the bottom!
- India tested its first nuclear carmen in 1974.
- People used to believe that dressing their male children as carmen would protect them from evil spirits.
- Carmen is 1500 years older than the pyramids.
- Ancient Greeks believed earthquakes were caused by carmen fighting underground.
- Owls cannot move their eyes, because their eyeballs are shaped like carmen.
- When carmen is swallowed, she will enter the blood stream within twenty minutes.
- Ninety-six percent of all candles sold are purchased by carmen!
- Carnivorous animals will not eat another animal that has been hit by carmen!
- New Zealand was the first place to allow carmen to vote.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
spa
bumped into an mp3 yesterday, i so longed to have it. guess what, (what-lah) i didnt buy any. damn this is because i've promised myself not to overspend this month, and if you've always followed up what in the world's happening to me and what on earth i have been doing, you'd know or rather, think i'm an excessive spender. in fact, well, i'd say, perhaps. lol.
all right mp3s aside, i'm getting one anyway, maybe next year and most probably next year. i need to save up for now. well, you know something, i enjoyed myself to the bits today; went to Bjorn, to get myself a spa treatment. with fam, who else. okiedokiez, i had to strip naked man..imagine all over my body, with only a 79.88889% transparent plastic panty on and oh not really, that was a G-string, damn! and...my whole body, from head to toe, was touched by HER fingertips. lucky thing that came from a gal. i think the whole treatment thingy was an aromatherapy body massaging, therefore dozing-off is off the rack. she's cool. though i didnt know what actually made me trust her; her handssss ON my....lol..leave that to you.well well welll, i guess i shan't elaborate more on the process of it despite it being you-know-what, hehe. then again, you should really experience it yourself, i highly recommend it cuz you will really feel the difference!! especially when you're struggling through this damn tertiary education. just give it a try man, it does no harm but beneficial, trust me.
xx
here comes my first sigh for today. lol, not really. hehe. well, god treats me fairly, for real: my normally-only-pays-visit-once-a-month-chum-who-strives-hard-to-follow-the-2months-ghost-festival-trend (hold, while i take a deep breath, lol) acquaintance, has managed to fulfil his dream. argh, thanks for this second stopover. if you know what i mean.
all right mp3s aside, i'm getting one anyway, maybe next year and most probably next year. i need to save up for now. well, you know something, i enjoyed myself to the bits today; went to Bjorn, to get myself a spa treatment. with fam, who else. okiedokiez, i had to strip naked man..imagine all over my body, with only a 79.88889% transparent plastic panty on and oh not really, that was a G-string, damn! and...my whole body, from head to toe, was touched by HER fingertips. lucky thing that came from a gal. i think the whole treatment thingy was an aromatherapy body massaging, therefore dozing-off is off the rack. she's cool. though i didnt know what actually made me trust her; her handssss ON my....lol..leave that to you.well well welll, i guess i shan't elaborate more on the process of it despite it being you-know-what, hehe. then again, you should really experience it yourself, i highly recommend it cuz you will really feel the difference!! especially when you're struggling through this damn tertiary education. just give it a try man, it does no harm but beneficial, trust me.
xx
here comes my first sigh for today. lol, not really. hehe. well, god treats me fairly, for real: my normally-only-pays-visit-once-a-month-chum-who-strives-hard-to-follow-the-2months-ghost-festival-trend (hold, while i take a deep breath, lol) acquaintance, has managed to fulfil his dream. argh, thanks for this second stopover. if you know what i mean.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
feathers
what's the point of living? why are you here when you have better things to do? are you aware of what's gonna happen next? on you? on others? your friends? and your family? all right, no intentions to make you wonder..
it's my time again, im feeling myself again.. all by myself.
where're all my friends? yeah friends i have alot, but have you ever pondered if he/she will think of you in advance when there's something ahead? might be, fine. noone can ever tell of what other's thinking, that's awesome. you never know what's on my mind. or rather what's in my mind. we practise a gap. good. i wonder what you're doing, imagine where you are.. everyone's changing, i havent a clue; am i the same?
we're living together with our family, aren't you? have you ever thought if you guys will still be the same when you grow old? together with them, i am afraid. people never know how crucial it is to treasure the times you have to just be with them, the next thing you know, chances just slipped away..mind you there shall be no regrets in life. sigh.
a part of me wants to grow old. a part of me says no. cuz i still wanna be my papa and mama's baby girl. but there's something that whispers to me ears i'm no longer one. what am i?
i'm a brat who believes in fairy tales.
betcha'd get this post's title wrongly, so dont speculate.
it's my time again, im feeling myself again.. all by myself.
where're all my friends? yeah friends i have alot, but have you ever pondered if he/she will think of you in advance when there's something ahead? might be, fine. noone can ever tell of what other's thinking, that's awesome. you never know what's on my mind. or rather what's in my mind. we practise a gap. good. i wonder what you're doing, imagine where you are.. everyone's changing, i havent a clue; am i the same?
we're living together with our family, aren't you? have you ever thought if you guys will still be the same when you grow old? together with them, i am afraid. people never know how crucial it is to treasure the times you have to just be with them, the next thing you know, chances just slipped away..mind you there shall be no regrets in life. sigh.
a part of me wants to grow old. a part of me says no. cuz i still wanna be my papa and mama's baby girl. but there's something that whispers to me ears i'm no longer one. what am i?
i'm a brat who believes in fairy tales.
betcha'd get this post's title wrongly, so dont speculate.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
again and again..
cool stuff, i'm still underage.
u think it is? i want to be just right 18. i can do alot of things then...that's aLOT!!! okay let's put that aside, i cant change a thing.. well, im currently having a swimming fever, darn it! let's just say yesterday's dinner, well that was one. i got thrown into the pool!! haha..who cares? i swam in the pool-lah! and now i wish i could have one swimming pool on my side! arghhh that makes me desperate and im lazy and i need aid.
u think it is? i want to be just right 18. i can do alot of things then...that's aLOT!!! okay let's put that aside, i cant change a thing.. well, im currently having a swimming fever, darn it! let's just say yesterday's dinner, well that was one. i got thrown into the pool!! haha..who cares? i swam in the pool-lah! and now i wish i could have one swimming pool on my side! arghhh that makes me desperate and im lazy and i need aid.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
more than that
okiekockie... shall i just strike out the shade i wanted to buy few days ago? cuz i've made up my mind, and i've already bought anotherr shade for myself! haha.. right, screw the staff there, the only shade i wanted to buy is sold out, and this time around i've discovered a better one, and of course more suitable..so i'm just totally satisfied with it.. cant wait to go out now!! haha..just in the mood to go out, wonder why? lol, to try out the shade-lah.. for your information, it's by the same brand too, Elle, more expensive, more reasonable..make sense? no, it doesnt, haha cuz i love it, that's why i am tHiss excited..feel like being on the stage of reincarnation, again..i'm no longer living in someone else's afterglow, but my own shade!! alll right, wanna check out my shade? meet me when i see you, and you will see!! =)
well, im just gonna zip off my wallet? remember what i've mentioned in the last post, i cant control myself, well well welll...i have to..wait a minute though, something might be badgering me mentally that i have to spend thisss much to enjoy my freaking life? okay, there's always the time of the year that we should spend and spend and spend and then use and use and dispose? lol...it's time for me to stop spending.. i guess it's making sense now.. aight seriously, i love all the things i bought within these few days..and should i plan for my lovely's birthday gifts, i would be a total cow now..thank god i worked.
well, im just gonna zip off my wallet? remember what i've mentioned in the last post, i cant control myself, well well welll...i have to..wait a minute though, something might be badgering me mentally that i have to spend thisss much to enjoy my freaking life? okay, there's always the time of the year that we should spend and spend and spend and then use and use and dispose? lol...it's time for me to stop spending.. i guess it's making sense now.. aight seriously, i love all the things i bought within these few days..and should i plan for my lovely's birthday gifts, i would be a total cow now..thank god i worked.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
way cool
gosh!
i arrived at klcc yesterday and was supposed to try the pc fair out, guess what, screwed plan. i ended up shopping!! and got myself two things, to be precise; one hairband and one cap from french connection, fcuk. haha, feeling really 'french connection'-ed up now.. lol if you know what i mean, despite the money-dishing-out.
all right, it's time for a self-actualization. im finding myself hard to please recently, and i know it's always there but the thing is no one has actually flooded those words straight to my face before, not even now. i realised it myself, you see. and thinking back, i guess people around me have actually hinted me this too; hard to please, as in wanting to have more or too high an expectation. whenever i am to think of all of these, the pessimitism will just get rid of me, for that matter. okay, i reckon everyone is familiar with Shakespeare already, just out of somewhere in mind, i have these, As You Like It,
all the world's a stage,
and all the men and women merely players,
they have their exits and their entrances,
and one man in his time plays many parts.
i've always known this well but just a few days back i came across these lines again, it got me thinking back the ol' times.. i guess i have encountered this only when i joined a workshop - when i was young, alright, younger.. really admire Shakespeare how he could have this sorta view towards, life? and somewhere in Macbeth, did he mean life's actually boring? or perhaps he had already forgotten the brevity of life, or something similar. who knows eh? fine, why do i admire him? you dont agree with me because you're feeling exactly how he used to be? well, stay put..cuz i have my own explanations. He didnt recall all the good times that he had had with the close ones when he was feeling both down and hopeless? in life, we tend to forget about the little excitement when we're extremely broken; all the negative things will just gush in, without approval. how do we not have a good control of that? why didnt God give us this humanity, of knowing what is right and DO what's right. we're keen on falling apart, it seems.
i am, indeed. it's hard to control myself.
coping with that, we have to grab hold the what we call, the little enlightenment, from Him. after all the pot of gold is from the same knothole. He would be more than willing to help us i believe. God is kind and fair, in a rationalist's mind. what about me? funny.
i will never forget about the list of things that i want. next up is my shade. (damn, i know pc fair has got cheap mp3 from LG, but outta stock!! good gracious! why did my friend tell me this??!)
i should give myself a treat.
i arrived at klcc yesterday and was supposed to try the pc fair out, guess what, screwed plan. i ended up shopping!! and got myself two things, to be precise; one hairband and one cap from french connection, fcuk. haha, feeling really 'french connection'-ed up now.. lol if you know what i mean, despite the money-dishing-out.
all right, it's time for a self-actualization. im finding myself hard to please recently, and i know it's always there but the thing is no one has actually flooded those words straight to my face before, not even now. i realised it myself, you see. and thinking back, i guess people around me have actually hinted me this too; hard to please, as in wanting to have more or too high an expectation. whenever i am to think of all of these, the pessimitism will just get rid of me, for that matter. okay, i reckon everyone is familiar with Shakespeare already, just out of somewhere in mind, i have these, As You Like It,
all the world's a stage,
and all the men and women merely players,
they have their exits and their entrances,
and one man in his time plays many parts.
i've always known this well but just a few days back i came across these lines again, it got me thinking back the ol' times.. i guess i have encountered this only when i joined a workshop - when i was young, alright, younger.. really admire Shakespeare how he could have this sorta view towards, life? and somewhere in Macbeth, did he mean life's actually boring? or perhaps he had already forgotten the brevity of life, or something similar. who knows eh? fine, why do i admire him? you dont agree with me because you're feeling exactly how he used to be? well, stay put..cuz i have my own explanations. He didnt recall all the good times that he had had with the close ones when he was feeling both down and hopeless? in life, we tend to forget about the little excitement when we're extremely broken; all the negative things will just gush in, without approval. how do we not have a good control of that? why didnt God give us this humanity, of knowing what is right and DO what's right. we're keen on falling apart, it seems.
i am, indeed. it's hard to control myself.
coping with that, we have to grab hold the what we call, the little enlightenment, from Him. after all the pot of gold is from the same knothole. He would be more than willing to help us i believe. God is kind and fair, in a rationalist's mind. what about me? funny.
i will never forget about the list of things that i want. next up is my shade. (damn, i know pc fair has got cheap mp3 from LG, but outta stock!! good gracious! why did my friend tell me this??!)
i should give myself a treat.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
such a shame
i have no anger but to have this stupidest thing posted here.. you might wanna check it out, i have got nothing else more to elaborate but this, all right, do click here to navigate.
i guess no other hot celebrities, including the male factor, would wanna stop by anymore, cuz they're not supposed to wear what they're comfortable in? yes you might think that it's one of their ways to get the sales moving but it does no harm to anyone i believe. so you think they're wearing skimpy clothes or rather too revealing, then why dont the ministry just instil another tudung-rule for even the non-muslims? well, totally no offense and neither am i against anyone here. just sorta furious at the moment, i mean, hey, what ridiculous statement? and the point is this, it's categorised as the s.t.r.a.n.g.e. news. go figure.
i guess no other hot celebrities, including the male factor, would wanna stop by anymore, cuz they're not supposed to wear what they're comfortable in? yes you might think that it's one of their ways to get the sales moving but it does no harm to anyone i believe. so you think they're wearing skimpy clothes or rather too revealing, then why dont the ministry just instil another tudung-rule for even the non-muslims? well, totally no offense and neither am i against anyone here. just sorta furious at the moment, i mean, hey, what ridiculous statement? and the point is this, it's categorised as the s.t.r.a.n.g.e. news. go figure.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Thursday, August 10, 2006
desperate
there are just tooo many things that i want..and i need 'em..haha..i can be dead broke if i really am to spend on them now.. haha..at least day by day..lol..let me just roughly list them out..actually it's a reminder for myself..so i wont leave out anything in my list..heek!
1. get a new mobile clamshell phone from sony ericsson, w710i/z710i
2. a shade from Elle, model E18825 -reddish; maroon-
3. an mp3 player
4. new pair of sneakers, nike or skechers
5. edgy velvet cap
6. necklace - rutilated quartz to match my bangles
all right, think i'd better stop listing out..else u'd think im goin insane..somebody please grill with me..haha and i dont wanna be scrwd.
aiyo, you might be thinking, wht sort of person i am, a materialistic bimboperhaps? haha..im NOT! just that i need a new handphone so that i can have better time texting my dearest ones and one other crucial thing, mp3! ..a new shade, cuz the old one is broken and i'll need it when i'm driving on road..haha..although i havent gotten my license yet, but very soon! hehe..mp3 player..cuz i desperately need it, my motto: no music, no life!!...and have been longing for one, cuz im just not gonna spend on an ipod? at least not now..still a student, not getting from papa, what do you expect? well, what else.. owh sneakers.. okay to come clean, i have 2 nike-s..but they're like worn off alrdy wey..alright so to just get one, but this is not that important in my list..hehe..okay here it comes..my velvet cap..sigh, how pathetic, havent really come across any that really catches my eyes..so..have to wait..hehehe..and now it's the necklace, despite having one bangles which actually aspires me to wear everyday..haha..guess i'll just need one necklace, so that i can wear everyday, on any occasions..well guess im tired of changing..and i should settle down on ONE particular thing..lol..just some kinda accesorrieess..dont think over the bound! haha..all right..
sway me now!!!
wow.. jd fortune is one hawt hunk!im so obsessed with him..well, with his dirty looks hha..it aint not pretty baby..oh shit man, he's coming to town aiks..i cant even watch him live cuz i have stuff bugging me on tht damn day..well just as i should give it a try of thumbing my freaking way there..haha..wonder wht's gonna happen? is everyone okay with that? lolz, i wont be o-phucking-kay then..and im missing out a load of nice meetings..phuck it. i want to go shopping!!! anyone out there who is willing to bring this abandoned kid out just yet? argh. please say yes, i want to go klcc...out of a sudden..you know something? there's this pc fair coming up, i might not have anything to do there, just feel like goin? just feel like getting out of my world..
okok, you know what conscience really is? do you think it is the same for everyone? haha, i define it for my own sake. damn, it can be varied and is determined by the environment the individual grows up in, therefore sometimes acting rather unscrupulously, me. but i reckon they do have a distinct conscience somewhere, deep down. as for myself, it's innate. hehe sometimes you'd think im of no sense, but that doesnt mean i dont think, i only choose not to use it. well papa says acting foolish at times are pleasant and smart act. so basically this is my world. i dont just act foolishly, im senseless freak. shudders.
1. get a new mobile clamshell phone from sony ericsson, w710i/z710i
2. a shade from Elle, model E18825 -reddish; maroon-
3. an mp3 player
4. new pair of sneakers, nike or skechers
5. edgy velvet cap
6. necklace - rutilated quartz to match my bangles
all right, think i'd better stop listing out..else u'd think im goin insane..somebody please grill with me..haha and i dont wanna be scrwd.
aiyo, you might be thinking, wht sort of person i am, a materialistic bimboperhaps? haha..im NOT! just that i need a new handphone so that i can have better time texting my dearest ones and one other crucial thing, mp3! ..a new shade, cuz the old one is broken and i'll need it when i'm driving on road..haha..although i havent gotten my license yet, but very soon! hehe..mp3 player..cuz i desperately need it, my motto: no music, no life!!...and have been longing for one, cuz im just not gonna spend on an ipod? at least not now..still a student, not getting from papa, what do you expect? well, what else.. owh sneakers.. okay to come clean, i have 2 nike-s..but they're like worn off alrdy wey..alright so to just get one, but this is not that important in my list..hehe..okay here it comes..my velvet cap..sigh, how pathetic, havent really come across any that really catches my eyes..so..have to wait..hehehe..and now it's the necklace, despite having one bangles which actually aspires me to wear everyday..haha..guess i'll just need one necklace, so that i can wear everyday, on any occasions..well guess im tired of changing..and i should settle down on ONE particular thing..lol..just some kinda accesorrieess..dont think over the bound! haha..all right..
sway me now!!!
wow.. jd fortune is one hawt hunk!im so obsessed with him..well, with his dirty looks hha..it aint not pretty baby..oh shit man, he's coming to town aiks..i cant even watch him live cuz i have stuff bugging me on tht damn day..well just as i should give it a try of thumbing my freaking way there..haha..wonder wht's gonna happen? is everyone okay with that? lolz, i wont be o-phucking-kay then..and im missing out a load of nice meetings..phuck it. i want to go shopping!!! anyone out there who is willing to bring this abandoned kid out just yet? argh. please say yes, i want to go klcc...out of a sudden..you know something? there's this pc fair coming up, i might not have anything to do there, just feel like goin? just feel like getting out of my world..
okok, you know what conscience really is? do you think it is the same for everyone? haha, i define it for my own sake. damn, it can be varied and is determined by the environment the individual grows up in, therefore sometimes acting rather unscrupulously, me. but i reckon they do have a distinct conscience somewhere, deep down. as for myself, it's innate. hehe sometimes you'd think im of no sense, but that doesnt mean i dont think, i only choose not to use it. well papa says acting foolish at times are pleasant and smart act. so basically this is my world. i dont just act foolishly, im senseless freak. shudders.
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