Shit happened.
i thought today would be the greatest joy i'd get, after all the time i've spent on being a nerd..and all..i could never expect shit like this to have happened on me.. you know what? i lost my purse!! now i desperately gravely need a job...sigh..how could this happen to me?? what have i done wrong??
how could You do this to me? it's as if i've not problems to handle..
well, think again..i guess it's because i havent been contributing any to society..so You made this happen..thank you very much..i will remember it! I'm sad but a part of me just whispers to me..i've just made a donation!! A big one.
its the last day of the examination. so what now, just wanna get a job.
Get a job!! no tears, darlin.
Monday, December 05, 2005
Monday, November 28, 2005
The Edge
one step closer to some sort of serene ambience, well it's actually the same old spot--my room..it might sound quite strange of me saying this..due to some chaos that have been buzzing me..i'm really tired, not only physically, but also mentally..this is for real..i feel like i have been away from my room for so so long and i really missed it! i am now finally vindicated from the dark cold legend, everything's finally over now..i have better things to do..i suppose.
i am gonna finish my book list..yay..no boundaries..haha..wait a minute, why am i talking about boundaries anyway..no one can ever stop me from doing anything!! well actually..there are some..i cant really stand on my own feet..pathetic, isnt it?
right when i wanna stream myself getting more involved into this post, my mom came in all of a sudden without my knowledge, asking me to dine now..sigh..another sheet of crap eh..haha..this wasnt my intention! haha..
i am gonna finish my book list..yay..no boundaries..haha..wait a minute, why am i talking about boundaries anyway..no one can ever stop me from doing anything!! well actually..there are some..i cant really stand on my own feet..pathetic, isnt it?
right when i wanna stream myself getting more involved into this post, my mom came in all of a sudden without my knowledge, asking me to dine now..sigh..another sheet of crap eh..haha..this wasnt my intention! haha..
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
What About This
my feelings arent subsided yet.. i'm currently having my examinations and soon i'll be crossing my hands waiting for the day of the reckoning.. again now i think life is really too much man.. i mean what is the actual purpose of leading this life i'm unseemingly given.. i dont know..especially when you're not doing well in almost all of the things that you're doing..perhaps my hopes are too high.. well you gotta be alert..
just wanna post some craps when i'm down like this..stay tuned for more craps.
just wanna post some craps when i'm down like this..stay tuned for more craps.
Friday, November 04, 2005
Saturday, October 29, 2005
This is How
even when everything goes wrong, it all is gonna end in the evening..no matter what you've achieved throughout the whole day, it's still gonna end on that day itself at dusk. wake up in the mornings and put on masks to face the day, how long do we have to live like that? well?
i might not have to live like that AND be ignorant over everything that happens each day, but at the end of the day, what will i get? it really is prevalent that everybody prefers pleasant and decent words..well including myself of course..gradually it is somehow one thing unadvisable if you are to live with your principles in life..really, better live FAKEly..it somewhat brings out the other side of you...well, i'm not at all suggesting rubbing shoulders with friends is a right thing to do, instead, it never was..and i hate to do that..and look down on people who do so, you know who you are, dude..
man i feel like crying these few days, i've been running myself away it seems..i do not wanna talk about my graduation day days ago..though it all ended..nothing could change.. i am so gonna miss all of my days 'contributing'..well i once again dont understand why this feeling bumps in but ya know when i left my ex-high school 2 years ago, i ddint have this much sorrow.. perhaps it's about time..maturity? or? dare not to think.. because truth really hurts..
hereby is my speech on that day..(somebody desperately requested this, enjoy!)
good morning teachers and friends..
first and foremost, i would like to thank the teachers. i've had about 12 different teachers, each with something unique to offer. one had a great sense of humour, another had interesting stories from 'his life in high school' to share. some have used different and exciting ways to teach the ordinary books. each teacher has been a role model in a different way, not by what they taught, but how they taught, with respect for the students, with the patience to explain the abstract, by putting a lil bit of their own into the lesson plans.
in addition, i'd also like to thank my fellow classmates, with all the laughters especially..and thanks for your support! within these 2 years, i've had an amazing time studying and of course getting to know each and everyone of you..you guys rock! keep in touch, all ryte?
for once and for all, to all the classmates and the teachers, thank you for all the lessons i've learned. and all the best to those who will be sitting for the upcoming examination. thank you.
pouf, this is sad.
i might not have to live like that AND be ignorant over everything that happens each day, but at the end of the day, what will i get? it really is prevalent that everybody prefers pleasant and decent words..well including myself of course..gradually it is somehow one thing unadvisable if you are to live with your principles in life..really, better live FAKEly..it somewhat brings out the other side of you...well, i'm not at all suggesting rubbing shoulders with friends is a right thing to do, instead, it never was..and i hate to do that..and look down on people who do so, you know who you are, dude..
man i feel like crying these few days, i've been running myself away it seems..i do not wanna talk about my graduation day days ago..though it all ended..nothing could change.. i am so gonna miss all of my days 'contributing'..well i once again dont understand why this feeling bumps in but ya know when i left my ex-high school 2 years ago, i ddint have this much sorrow.. perhaps it's about time..maturity? or? dare not to think.. because truth really hurts..
hereby is my speech on that day..(somebody desperately requested this, enjoy!)
good morning teachers and friends..
first and foremost, i would like to thank the teachers. i've had about 12 different teachers, each with something unique to offer. one had a great sense of humour, another had interesting stories from 'his life in high school' to share. some have used different and exciting ways to teach the ordinary books. each teacher has been a role model in a different way, not by what they taught, but how they taught, with respect for the students, with the patience to explain the abstract, by putting a lil bit of their own into the lesson plans.
in addition, i'd also like to thank my fellow classmates, with all the laughters especially..and thanks for your support! within these 2 years, i've had an amazing time studying and of course getting to know each and everyone of you..you guys rock! keep in touch, all ryte?
for once and for all, to all the classmates and the teachers, thank you for all the lessons i've learned. and all the best to those who will be sitting for the upcoming examination. thank you.
pouf, this is sad.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
I'm Cool
it's raining right now..if you know me well, you'll know that i love rainy days..especially when it's drizzling..if you would come to me for the repouse for loving it i would say perhaps it sings out the fears and sorrow that i've been going through all this while..well, the pain and sorrow never ever leave me once, they're always there..the days when i'm wrapped with peers around are the days i'm actually out of the reality..i never dared myself to face it..even now..
i feel the agony whenever those problems trace after me for the answers..i'm just a young pubescent kid, please, i cant afford to lose anything of my own now.. please dont ooze away my frivolous charm that i used to have..real long ago.. man i miss those days..when i had the chance to fool around just to touch everything i wanted.. and no-one would scold me..even if i've broken a costly vase.. but this just a mere nostalgia which never can happen again.. you get scoldings and mumblings and bla-bla..all these crap and i would call it gribberish!!!!!
it's ridiculous that i dreamt about a guy whom i used to compete my results and homework with..and how he would think wayss to bully me..well, you might rack your brain to even have a laugh to thinking, 'com'on, carm's bullied by someone??' haha..sorry okay i was way too innocent to have realised about all the tease and cry thingy..lol..talking about bullyin..there was a girl who is now so-called my darlin, bullied me real loads! she used to pinch me and all..and treated me like a fool..haha..somehow i cant turn back the time..those days are gone..even if she's my 'darlin' now..we rarely even contact each other..strange case, isnt it? back to my dream, i was like in heaven ya know, having him around and everything was so great..we were playing swings..n all..but the dream was so vague..i can hardly recall what i was doing IN there..where i do not have to frown for solutions..sigh..
at times i really hate myself..having inherited all the bad gens sigh..it's really buzzing me off you know, and everyone would take it as a 'compliment' to flatter you..CRAP!! sometimes cant really blame them though, when they're bombarded with thoughts that having vulpine intelligence is dominant..but come to think of it, who's to blame? no-one.
very recently i came to notice that every word i say just seem to be bringing misfortunes later after that..perhaps it's best when im saying nothing at all..thanks to ronan, for inspiring me with this..i'm really sorry..i think i've hurt quite a few friends of mine despite my fetid mouth that bites....your heart..sigh..also, i cant really express myself...argh! even so, i still wont express myself straight to the point..well, am i repeating doing it now? lol..i just cant do it..and i wont do it..for fear of losing privacy perhaps? excuses eh..haha..
all right, after blogging these out, i'm feeling much better now..the rain just stopped..and it's cooling now..woohoo..enjoying it..hehe..well for those of you who are still reading this, haha.. i would like to come clean..lol..you might find it sort of ridiculous but still i have to say this, i'm trying to avoid foul language..haha..if you dont mind..replace all my 'arghs' to *beep*..hehehe
ciao for now. muah!
i feel the agony whenever those problems trace after me for the answers..i'm just a young pubescent kid, please, i cant afford to lose anything of my own now.. please dont ooze away my frivolous charm that i used to have..real long ago.. man i miss those days..when i had the chance to fool around just to touch everything i wanted.. and no-one would scold me..even if i've broken a costly vase.. but this just a mere nostalgia which never can happen again.. you get scoldings and mumblings and bla-bla..all these crap and i would call it gribberish!!!!!
it's ridiculous that i dreamt about a guy whom i used to compete my results and homework with..and how he would think wayss to bully me..well, you might rack your brain to even have a laugh to thinking, 'com'on, carm's bullied by someone??' haha..sorry okay i was way too innocent to have realised about all the tease and cry thingy..lol..talking about bullyin..there was a girl who is now so-called my darlin, bullied me real loads! she used to pinch me and all..and treated me like a fool..haha..somehow i cant turn back the time..those days are gone..even if she's my 'darlin' now..we rarely even contact each other..strange case, isnt it? back to my dream, i was like in heaven ya know, having him around and everything was so great..we were playing swings..n all..but the dream was so vague..i can hardly recall what i was doing IN there..where i do not have to frown for solutions..sigh..
at times i really hate myself..having inherited all the bad gens sigh..it's really buzzing me off you know, and everyone would take it as a 'compliment' to flatter you..CRAP!! sometimes cant really blame them though, when they're bombarded with thoughts that having vulpine intelligence is dominant..but come to think of it, who's to blame? no-one.
very recently i came to notice that every word i say just seem to be bringing misfortunes later after that..perhaps it's best when im saying nothing at all..thanks to ronan, for inspiring me with this..i'm really sorry..i think i've hurt quite a few friends of mine despite my fetid mouth that bites....your heart..sigh..also, i cant really express myself...argh! even so, i still wont express myself straight to the point..well, am i repeating doing it now? lol..i just cant do it..and i wont do it..for fear of losing privacy perhaps? excuses eh..haha..
all right, after blogging these out, i'm feeling much better now..the rain just stopped..and it's cooling now..woohoo..enjoying it..hehe..well for those of you who are still reading this, haha.. i would like to come clean..lol..you might find it sort of ridiculous but still i have to say this, i'm trying to avoid foul language..haha..if you dont mind..replace all my 'arghs' to *beep*..hehehe
ciao for now. muah!
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
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