even when everything goes wrong, it all is gonna end in the evening..no matter what you've achieved throughout the whole day, it's still gonna end on that day itself at dusk. wake up in the mornings and put on masks to face the day, how long do we have to live like that? well?
i might not have to live like that AND be ignorant over everything that happens each day, but at the end of the day, what will i get? it really is prevalent that everybody prefers pleasant and decent words..well including myself of course..gradually it is somehow one thing unadvisable if you are to live with your principles in life..really, better live FAKEly..it somewhat brings out the other side of you...well, i'm not at all suggesting rubbing shoulders with friends is a right thing to do, instead, it never was..and i hate to do that..and look down on people who do so, you know who you are, dude..
man i feel like crying these few days, i've been running myself away it seems..i do not wanna talk about my graduation day days ago..though it all ended..nothing could change.. i am so gonna miss all of my days 'contributing'..well i once again dont understand why this feeling bumps in but ya know when i left my ex-high school 2 years ago, i ddint have this much sorrow.. perhaps it's about time..maturity? or? dare not to think.. because truth really hurts..
hereby is my speech on that day..(somebody desperately requested this, enjoy!)
good morning teachers and friends..
first and foremost, i would like to thank the teachers. i've had about 12 different teachers, each with something unique to offer. one had a great sense of humour, another had interesting stories from 'his life in high school' to share. some have used different and exciting ways to teach the ordinary books. each teacher has been a role model in a different way, not by what they taught, but how they taught, with respect for the students, with the patience to explain the abstract, by putting a lil bit of their own into the lesson plans.
in addition, i'd also like to thank my fellow classmates, with all the laughters especially..and thanks for your support! within these 2 years, i've had an amazing time studying and of course getting to know each and everyone of you..you guys rock! keep in touch, all ryte?
for once and for all, to all the classmates and the teachers, thank you for all the lessons i've learned. and all the best to those who will be sitting for the upcoming examination. thank you.
pouf, this is sad.
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
I'm Cool
it's raining right now..if you know me well, you'll know that i love rainy days..especially when it's drizzling..if you would come to me for the repouse for loving it i would say perhaps it sings out the fears and sorrow that i've been going through all this while..well, the pain and sorrow never ever leave me once, they're always there..the days when i'm wrapped with peers around are the days i'm actually out of the reality..i never dared myself to face it..even now..
i feel the agony whenever those problems trace after me for the answers..i'm just a young pubescent kid, please, i cant afford to lose anything of my own now.. please dont ooze away my frivolous charm that i used to have..real long ago.. man i miss those days..when i had the chance to fool around just to touch everything i wanted.. and no-one would scold me..even if i've broken a costly vase.. but this just a mere nostalgia which never can happen again.. you get scoldings and mumblings and bla-bla..all these crap and i would call it gribberish!!!!!
it's ridiculous that i dreamt about a guy whom i used to compete my results and homework with..and how he would think wayss to bully me..well, you might rack your brain to even have a laugh to thinking, 'com'on, carm's bullied by someone??' haha..sorry okay i was way too innocent to have realised about all the tease and cry thingy..lol..talking about bullyin..there was a girl who is now so-called my darlin, bullied me real loads! she used to pinch me and all..and treated me like a fool..haha..somehow i cant turn back the time..those days are gone..even if she's my 'darlin' now..we rarely even contact each other..strange case, isnt it? back to my dream, i was like in heaven ya know, having him around and everything was so great..we were playing swings..n all..but the dream was so vague..i can hardly recall what i was doing IN there..where i do not have to frown for solutions..sigh..
at times i really hate myself..having inherited all the bad gens sigh..it's really buzzing me off you know, and everyone would take it as a 'compliment' to flatter you..CRAP!! sometimes cant really blame them though, when they're bombarded with thoughts that having vulpine intelligence is dominant..but come to think of it, who's to blame? no-one.
very recently i came to notice that every word i say just seem to be bringing misfortunes later after that..perhaps it's best when im saying nothing at all..thanks to ronan, for inspiring me with this..i'm really sorry..i think i've hurt quite a few friends of mine despite my fetid mouth that bites....your heart..sigh..also, i cant really express myself...argh! even so, i still wont express myself straight to the point..well, am i repeating doing it now? lol..i just cant do it..and i wont do it..for fear of losing privacy perhaps? excuses eh..haha..
all right, after blogging these out, i'm feeling much better now..the rain just stopped..and it's cooling now..woohoo..enjoying it..hehe..well for those of you who are still reading this, haha.. i would like to come clean..lol..you might find it sort of ridiculous but still i have to say this, i'm trying to avoid foul language..haha..if you dont mind..replace all my 'arghs' to *beep*..hehehe
ciao for now. muah!
i feel the agony whenever those problems trace after me for the answers..i'm just a young pubescent kid, please, i cant afford to lose anything of my own now.. please dont ooze away my frivolous charm that i used to have..real long ago.. man i miss those days..when i had the chance to fool around just to touch everything i wanted.. and no-one would scold me..even if i've broken a costly vase.. but this just a mere nostalgia which never can happen again.. you get scoldings and mumblings and bla-bla..all these crap and i would call it gribberish!!!!!
it's ridiculous that i dreamt about a guy whom i used to compete my results and homework with..and how he would think wayss to bully me..well, you might rack your brain to even have a laugh to thinking, 'com'on, carm's bullied by someone??' haha..sorry okay i was way too innocent to have realised about all the tease and cry thingy..lol..talking about bullyin..there was a girl who is now so-called my darlin, bullied me real loads! she used to pinch me and all..and treated me like a fool..haha..somehow i cant turn back the time..those days are gone..even if she's my 'darlin' now..we rarely even contact each other..strange case, isnt it? back to my dream, i was like in heaven ya know, having him around and everything was so great..we were playing swings..n all..but the dream was so vague..i can hardly recall what i was doing IN there..where i do not have to frown for solutions..sigh..
at times i really hate myself..having inherited all the bad gens sigh..it's really buzzing me off you know, and everyone would take it as a 'compliment' to flatter you..CRAP!! sometimes cant really blame them though, when they're bombarded with thoughts that having vulpine intelligence is dominant..but come to think of it, who's to blame? no-one.
very recently i came to notice that every word i say just seem to be bringing misfortunes later after that..perhaps it's best when im saying nothing at all..thanks to ronan, for inspiring me with this..i'm really sorry..i think i've hurt quite a few friends of mine despite my fetid mouth that bites....your heart..sigh..also, i cant really express myself...argh! even so, i still wont express myself straight to the point..well, am i repeating doing it now? lol..i just cant do it..and i wont do it..for fear of losing privacy perhaps? excuses eh..haha..
all right, after blogging these out, i'm feeling much better now..the rain just stopped..and it's cooling now..woohoo..enjoying it..hehe..well for those of you who are still reading this, haha.. i would like to come clean..lol..you might find it sort of ridiculous but still i have to say this, i'm trying to avoid foul language..haha..if you dont mind..replace all my 'arghs' to *beep*..hehehe
ciao for now. muah!
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Monday, October 03, 2005
You and 17, Me
i have so much to say today..i bet u guys can never tell how i'm feelin right now..it's indescribable..really..sometimes when celebrities accept snowballs during all kinds of awards shows and when their tears are flowin down or something, the first thing in my mind, is that they're just acting it out..those arent for real i tell myself..but right now..i'm really feeling it..i am so so so excited and caressively touched..you'll never ever know how i'm feeling man..this is so real..i've never expected this to be happening..i mean com'on..mE?
and now, i believe..
i dont wanna boast or anything..just wanna come clean, i mean there's no use for me to lie right..today is the 3rd of october..it means a whole lot to me..the previous night, i was feeling so so downcasted, it was like..in the first place i thought i was so blessed with love, and it couldnt be real..that a lot of people wanted to celebrate with me..and i rejected..i feel so sorry for them..right here, if you're reading this, please accept my a.p.o.l.o.g.y.! and then suddenly it was like, there were just something which barricaded my all-time trusted friends to celebrate with me..i mean, all right, i dont wish to say any sort of mushy bushy stuffs here..that all my friends mean alot to me..and you!! dont look away, you know who you are, please dont you ever think you're nothing to me, you're just special..i sometimes acted like a fool..well..not a fool..just someone who cares..who would ask to do anything to make it up to you.. it was all from the deep core of my heart..everybody should be treated in a pampered way; the way i want it from you too...you guys mean alot to me, frankly i doubted my place in your hearts..because i never thought a girl who has only be friends with you guys for like..not even 2 years..would have such excessive care and support..and everything! this is like a dream for me..i thought nothing good would come to me..
last night, i was frankly, afraid that no one would actually remember today.. i mean, just the sincerity and the thought that counts actually, i'd feel great with just a greeting from you, but you guys are jsut awesome man..i felt like i was God's pet to be receiving so many wishes and telephone calls and sms-es..and what's more unexpected, is today's celebration..
once i got up, looked at the cellphone..the messages were like whoa..a bomb..i was really happy and surprised!! so many of em actually remembers my day..it was so surreal.. i couldnt believe it...i suddenly felt like i was so blessed! long since i felt like that..well, after that someone drove all the way from home to give me a gift, it was really nice of him..hehe..a piggy..haha..thanky! and then here's the climax..can you believe the climax of the day started at 10 in the morning itself?? omg..my friends actually home-made a cheesecake for me!!! i was so shocked when i saw my name on it!! it was reallly sweeet of em..and the taste of cheesecake still lingers in my mind..heek heek..we couldnt give up the opportunity to take pictures..yeah..under the sun, but who cares..haha..and then we proceeded to erm..red boxx! haha..all of us rocked down the room(eh?) man..hahha..sort of sorry to have monopolised the mic..for..well..hahha..you know it! but hopefully you guys had fun in there too..i had a control on my tears! hehe..we then hopped in to coffee bean, my favourite place..hehhe..we had some talk..well..*secret secret* haha...hehhe all of us didnt wanna leave! lolz..but everything has to come to an end right, we had to go..and walked s-l-o-w-ly to the carpark basement..haha..guess what we did in there..*beep beep* NOT dirty things all right..hahha..sweethearts sang birthday song for ME!!! and then a solo from my lovely eun..which i got to choose on my own, what a pick..hehe..
well you never know, today is like receiving surprises and surprises..haha..never end..of course i do LOVE it!!!! hehe, i was droved home..in one piece..haha..and i had to really leave now..after greeting farewells..got into my own room..to calm myself down..haha..i dont know why..just sort of like..shivering? nervous? over-excited? too hyperr? hhaha..received a call later and was asked to reach my hand on my letterbox..haha..i then rushed down for it, omg, there was a yellow card..haha..OMG! that was what i was staring at..hesitating whether to buy it and keep it..hehhe..AND NOW i can OWN it!!! you can never tell how thrilled i am!!! i am soooo eXciTeD!!!
later after that, received a message from muacky-bro..hehe..saying my present is on top of his CK box..haha..it was Mitch Albom's Tuesdays with Morrie!!!! wow...fantastic man..i wanted to read that book for so long but didnt happen to buy it on my own..hehe..muaxx and thankie!! before i could even express my happiness, here comes a little gift from my primarymate, hehe..it's really sweet of her to have walked a long distance to my place and gave it to me..thanky..hehhe..
Going for dinner with family later..^^
***
just as i thought i could have more, i stopped myself to think. i dont ask for more coz i'm already contented. i really appreciate all the things that you guys have done to me..all the time spent to make this real for me..i could not ask for more..=p
**- /-\ ) ) \/ 3 R + - ) /-\ \/ +0 ( @ R I\/I**
thanks once again for willing to spend so much time on this!!muahz!!!
hope all of you enjoyed yourselves today too!!
i turned 17 today, finally. this is not something i yearn for, fearing to become 17 instead, though now i think it's not as bad as i thought anyway... i'll continue to take the challenges ahead from the almighty-God.=p
and now, i believe..
i dont wanna boast or anything..just wanna come clean, i mean there's no use for me to lie right..today is the 3rd of october..it means a whole lot to me..the previous night, i was feeling so so downcasted, it was like..in the first place i thought i was so blessed with love, and it couldnt be real..that a lot of people wanted to celebrate with me..and i rejected..i feel so sorry for them..right here, if you're reading this, please accept my a.p.o.l.o.g.y.! and then suddenly it was like, there were just something which barricaded my all-time trusted friends to celebrate with me..i mean, all right, i dont wish to say any sort of mushy bushy stuffs here..that all my friends mean alot to me..and you!! dont look away, you know who you are, please dont you ever think you're nothing to me, you're just special..i sometimes acted like a fool..well..not a fool..just someone who cares..who would ask to do anything to make it up to you.. it was all from the deep core of my heart..everybody should be treated in a pampered way; the way i want it from you too...you guys mean alot to me, frankly i doubted my place in your hearts..because i never thought a girl who has only be friends with you guys for like..not even 2 years..would have such excessive care and support..and everything! this is like a dream for me..i thought nothing good would come to me..
last night, i was frankly, afraid that no one would actually remember today.. i mean, just the sincerity and the thought that counts actually, i'd feel great with just a greeting from you, but you guys are jsut awesome man..i felt like i was God's pet to be receiving so many wishes and telephone calls and sms-es..and what's more unexpected, is today's celebration..
once i got up, looked at the cellphone..the messages were like whoa..a bomb..i was really happy and surprised!! so many of em actually remembers my day..it was so surreal.. i couldnt believe it...i suddenly felt like i was so blessed! long since i felt like that..well, after that someone drove all the way from home to give me a gift, it was really nice of him..hehe..a piggy..haha..thanky! and then here's the climax..can you believe the climax of the day started at 10 in the morning itself?? omg..my friends actually home-made a cheesecake for me!!! i was so shocked when i saw my name on it!! it was reallly sweeet of em..and the taste of cheesecake still lingers in my mind..heek heek..we couldnt give up the opportunity to take pictures..yeah..under the sun, but who cares..haha..and then we proceeded to erm..red boxx! haha..all of us rocked down the room(eh?) man..hahha..sort of sorry to have monopolised the mic..for..well..hahha..you know it! but hopefully you guys had fun in there too..i had a control on my tears! hehe..we then hopped in to coffee bean, my favourite place..hehhe..we had some talk..well..*secret secret* haha...hehhe all of us didnt wanna leave! lolz..but everything has to come to an end right, we had to go..and walked s-l-o-w-ly to the carpark basement..haha..guess what we did in there..*beep beep* NOT dirty things all right..hahha..sweethearts sang birthday song for ME!!! and then a solo from my lovely eun..which i got to choose on my own, what a pick..hehe..
well you never know, today is like receiving surprises and surprises..haha..never end..of course i do LOVE it!!!! hehe, i was droved home..in one piece..haha..and i had to really leave now..after greeting farewells..got into my own room..to calm myself down..haha..i dont know why..just sort of like..shivering? nervous? over-excited? too hyperr? hhaha..received a call later and was asked to reach my hand on my letterbox..haha..i then rushed down for it, omg, there was a yellow card..haha..OMG! that was what i was staring at..hesitating whether to buy it and keep it..hehhe..AND NOW i can OWN it!!! you can never tell how thrilled i am!!! i am soooo eXciTeD!!!
later after that, received a message from muacky-bro..hehe..saying my present is on top of his CK box..haha..it was Mitch Albom's Tuesdays with Morrie!!!! wow...fantastic man..i wanted to read that book for so long but didnt happen to buy it on my own..hehe..muaxx and thankie!! before i could even express my happiness, here comes a little gift from my primarymate, hehe..it's really sweet of her to have walked a long distance to my place and gave it to me..thanky..hehhe..
Going for dinner with family later..^^
***
just as i thought i could have more, i stopped myself to think. i dont ask for more coz i'm already contented. i really appreciate all the things that you guys have done to me..all the time spent to make this real for me..i could not ask for more..=p
**- /-\ ) ) \/ 3 R + - ) /-\ \/ +0 ( @ R I\/I**
thanks once again for willing to spend so much time on this!!muahz!!!
hope all of you enjoyed yourselves today too!!
i turned 17 today, finally. this is not something i yearn for, fearing to become 17 instead, though now i think it's not as bad as i thought anyway... i'll continue to take the challenges ahead from the almighty-God.=p
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