aint it funny? i've finally fallen ill. people, im sick!
and im sick of the things around me. i seem to be living in denial; denial in disguise. i hate this feeling, when is it gonna be subsided? im awaiting for time to come. and why do i have to face this all alone here. well i can say i have made a lot of sacrifice so far. if you yearn for something, you've gotta surrender some of your belongings. and then you weigh it yourself if it is all worthwhile. what about it? do i still have you in my life? having said that, i guess i only need my close friends to make it on my way.
it seems i am frantically not very happy with what i have - the way im being treated. im sorry i pray for Karma.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
im still here
time goes by, so slowly that i dread myself to wake up. it all boils down to this fuckin reason that i cant sleep at night. i mean how could this happen to me, ever? believe it or not, i have not been having good nights lately despite the excessive spending on this and that. that's just what a girl does, nothing special. i practically rely on these to escape from my daily dull routine. i've fallen into the edge of darkness. whatever i do looks wrong to me.
Friday, October 09, 2009
i walk around trying to understand
shouldnt you be amazed or havent you wondered why i didnt blog on my 21st birthday?? ah, did i just mention it, hell yeah im officially 21. im 21. wht the heck. i dont feel like it. in spite of the many many friends celebrating birthdays in october, it just feels like an ordinary day slipping subtly away. and i didnt have complaints. just like any birthdays you celebrate, you're bound to receive gifts. in singapore, i dont have many friends. having said that, i did receive some from unexpected people. really grateful of their kindle thoughts. i dont know why but i know im blessed. unfortunately im afraid of the day where i wouldnt get any gifts from god. if you love me, i would appreciate it even by a mere 'happy-something'. i do, really do. believe it or not, i cried myself to tears the moment i got the greetings from certain people. not just any other friends.
right now during this earthly hour, i keep calling jet but he's not giving any response. i wish i could help. perhaps he's too exhausted. the fatigue that one has to go through when things dont always go your way, and yet you just have to pull through. i totally feel it. constantly indeed.
someone please hear me. sometimes, i hate myself for being me.
right now during this earthly hour, i keep calling jet but he's not giving any response. i wish i could help. perhaps he's too exhausted. the fatigue that one has to go through when things dont always go your way, and yet you just have to pull through. i totally feel it. constantly indeed.
someone please hear me. sometimes, i hate myself for being me.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
life's a bitch.
i have no idea why im being treated in such an unjust situation and what have i done wrong? why do they have to do these things to me? am i not strong enough that you gotta cast a spell on me, that im blinded by the randomness, that i have to go through all of these and realise something else on earth? if yes, please do, im ready and i wont let you down.
and right there, as i read again of what i've just written, i feel so immature. you can call me childish. we have first world countries, third world industrial countries as well as developing countries. i think, i might as well be labelled as one developing human. a human being that needs decades just to prove to herself that she's capable. or perhaps not. she knows well that it all lies in the hands of god, the future. who can predict the future? nobody does.
i dont even have time to procrastinate. always in the midst of searching for excuses, making attempts to run away from reality. im such a big fat coward. the fat one. that the ass is unadjustable - that cannot be moved - the ass which cant me moved.
and right there, as i read again of what i've just written, i feel so immature. you can call me childish. we have first world countries, third world industrial countries as well as developing countries. i think, i might as well be labelled as one developing human. a human being that needs decades just to prove to herself that she's capable. or perhaps not. she knows well that it all lies in the hands of god, the future. who can predict the future? nobody does.
i dont even have time to procrastinate. always in the midst of searching for excuses, making attempts to run away from reality. im such a big fat coward. the fat one. that the ass is unadjustable - that cannot be moved - the ass which cant me moved.
Friday, August 21, 2009
how will i knw
every sip of absolut ruby red reminds me of so much.. not the good times but the otherwise.
and i keep drinkin'.
well, perhaps im just tryin to make a big turn in this one-way street. if all the people in the world were to be born with a lil bit more etiquette, it wont ever trigger the nerve-wrecking situations; anywhere, anyhow. having said that, without it we tend to lose some kind of consciousness. we actually care for the people around us, very much. we just dont realise it until its gone. i know its a cliche to say this, but im constantly out of my mind. i am always being carried away by the hustle and bustle of the city. if you wanna talk abt the Orchard Road, go ahead.
i cant let go. it's the problem with me, i can never let go of something.
i hate myself for being too compassionate. it worths no standing ovation but of something if you're really goin through, you feel extremely terrible. believe me, you'll be doomed to a condition whereby nothing seems to rhyme.
please show mercy. thankeww.
and i keep drinkin'.
well, perhaps im just tryin to make a big turn in this one-way street. if all the people in the world were to be born with a lil bit more etiquette, it wont ever trigger the nerve-wrecking situations; anywhere, anyhow. having said that, without it we tend to lose some kind of consciousness. we actually care for the people around us, very much. we just dont realise it until its gone. i know its a cliche to say this, but im constantly out of my mind. i am always being carried away by the hustle and bustle of the city. if you wanna talk abt the Orchard Road, go ahead.
i cant let go. it's the problem with me, i can never let go of something.
i hate myself for being too compassionate. it worths no standing ovation but of something if you're really goin through, you feel extremely terrible. believe me, you'll be doomed to a condition whereby nothing seems to rhyme.
please show mercy. thankeww.
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
how many times a day
there are the things that we dont understand in life, and i still dont understand. im gonna start babbling about life again. perhaps im a really boring person or some nuisance struggling so hard making an attempt to have better days in life. and then you start to ponder; you work so hard, by the end of the day, are you really sure if thats wht you want, if thats wht you have been craving/dying for? is it all worthwhile after all the drudgery?
how many times a day do i have to fall down?
someone please hit me a thousand times every morning so that i will not cry at the end of every day alone here in my bed shrinking so enormously tiny having too much thoughts in my head. and is it true if we laugh too much we will then cry? and if God exists, does He have to be so fair to us? stop telling me its one of those days again and again, only if everything is so easy to be fixed. dont worry about me, im not in a mess.
im just thinking too much.
and anything can happen even without your most foolish knowledge. you dont know what you have done wrong to be treated in some really unjust manner sometimes; most of the time. what happens to the nostalgia good ole memories? have you forgotten em all? i believe all of us have gone through some really unforgettable experiences. those memories will stay forever. as long as your spirit does, they will. as distressing as it might sound, i dont wanna believe in memories, i am selfish, i want to have em all close to my chest. and there, then again, what do i do to make it happen? nothing. hate me because i have alot of lame excuses to my alter ego. and hoping to feel better. or not.
i hope i could really live my life believing in the phrase "carpe diem". sometimes in life, in whatever aspects, you just need to seize the day. perhaps i should not take things too seriously. i have been trying my best, so much, to apply that in life ever since i was exposed to this phrase whereby robin williams played it so well in Dead Poet's Society (take some time off for this movie). i am always grateful for the ones who constantly instill wisdom in my head - you definitely knw who you are if you're reading this and if this triggers your feeling, thank you so much. you knw i love you.
dear readers who know me, even only by name, i fell umpteenth times and still alive vigorously kicking. make it good, be better. dont you cry, you know you can count on me whenever you need me. just let me know.
how many times a day do i have to fall down?
someone please hit me a thousand times every morning so that i will not cry at the end of every day alone here in my bed shrinking so enormously tiny having too much thoughts in my head. and is it true if we laugh too much we will then cry? and if God exists, does He have to be so fair to us? stop telling me its one of those days again and again, only if everything is so easy to be fixed. dont worry about me, im not in a mess.
im just thinking too much.
and anything can happen even without your most foolish knowledge. you dont know what you have done wrong to be treated in some really unjust manner sometimes; most of the time. what happens to the nostalgia good ole memories? have you forgotten em all? i believe all of us have gone through some really unforgettable experiences. those memories will stay forever. as long as your spirit does, they will. as distressing as it might sound, i dont wanna believe in memories, i am selfish, i want to have em all close to my chest. and there, then again, what do i do to make it happen? nothing. hate me because i have alot of lame excuses to my alter ego. and hoping to feel better. or not.
i hope i could really live my life believing in the phrase "carpe diem". sometimes in life, in whatever aspects, you just need to seize the day. perhaps i should not take things too seriously. i have been trying my best, so much, to apply that in life ever since i was exposed to this phrase whereby robin williams played it so well in Dead Poet's Society (take some time off for this movie). i am always grateful for the ones who constantly instill wisdom in my head - you definitely knw who you are if you're reading this and if this triggers your feeling, thank you so much. you knw i love you.
dear readers who know me, even only by name, i fell umpteenth times and still alive vigorously kicking. make it good, be better. dont you cry, you know you can count on me whenever you need me. just let me know.
Friday, June 19, 2009
love it or drop it
i will not start off with something that bore you readers this time by saying how lifeless i am or how pathetic i am because i might not be the same again. some people say im naive or too innocent but.. i guess not. let me just prove it to you, no worries, neither will it be verbally or in written form. time will take the lead.
life, oh life. life's like a cyclone; there're ups and downs and that, indeed is the cycle of life. you probably think im rambling again this time huh, well, perhaps? i met this 3 tourists from London and we started talking. i must say i love their accent and the way they put on their yves saint laurent shirts on, woof, they're so charming! haha, yes its abit dramatic but as the conversation goes, we started talkin about life. i appreciate what this guy was trying to convey to me but heck, he's a guy and im a .. girl? or lady.. or woman.. or whatever u call it, i cannot just live THE WAY he does!! and its not something that's in your mind right now, it is something more, something more profound than what you got in mind.
and it is those times like that, that you dont feel like ending the conversation but.. you're running outta time and you gotta leave!! i dont wanna talk about what we have shared but the thing thats in my head now is not how charming they are or how hilarious they have been.. but to fathom the beauty of life. and how disappointing it is sometimes. by god's grace, he chance upon the opportunity of letting u guys meet, get to exchange opinions and having a motivational talk, the next big thing you knw is that the moment can not stay any longer. it just had to end.
it is not what you want; by force or by chance, we just have to move on to another pages of our lives. for evryone that i meet, i open another book for them to fill in rather than continuing with another chapters because i believe that evryone is so unique that we do not knw if we might bump into each other again and it might take your lifetime to finish the book. a chapter is a chapter, you will not go to somebody to tell someone which chapter you find most interesting, instead you recommend the book to somebody and it is then up to them, whether to get the book to find out for themselves or to miss the train. by the same token, if you try to read one of the chapters in a book, you might not fully comprehend its content and yet it might even backfire - you dont really know what the chapter is all about and you get confused.
sometimes you just have to let go to discover something more. perhaps it doesnt promise you the best life on earth but at least you will not have regrets in life. as william penn expressed his touch of kindness - i expect to pass through this life but once. therefore should there be any kindness i can do for someone, let me do it now for i shall not pass this way again.
# next to an irish dublin bar: the impeccable interior of moie.
life, oh life. life's like a cyclone; there're ups and downs and that, indeed is the cycle of life. you probably think im rambling again this time huh, well, perhaps? i met this 3 tourists from London and we started talking. i must say i love their accent and the way they put on their yves saint laurent shirts on, woof, they're so charming! haha, yes its abit dramatic but as the conversation goes, we started talkin about life. i appreciate what this guy was trying to convey to me but heck, he's a guy and im a .. girl? or lady.. or woman.. or whatever u call it, i cannot just live THE WAY he does!! and its not something that's in your mind right now, it is something more, something more profound than what you got in mind.
and it is those times like that, that you dont feel like ending the conversation but.. you're running outta time and you gotta leave!! i dont wanna talk about what we have shared but the thing thats in my head now is not how charming they are or how hilarious they have been.. but to fathom the beauty of life. and how disappointing it is sometimes. by god's grace, he chance upon the opportunity of letting u guys meet, get to exchange opinions and having a motivational talk, the next big thing you knw is that the moment can not stay any longer. it just had to end.
it is not what you want; by force or by chance, we just have to move on to another pages of our lives. for evryone that i meet, i open another book for them to fill in rather than continuing with another chapters because i believe that evryone is so unique that we do not knw if we might bump into each other again and it might take your lifetime to finish the book. a chapter is a chapter, you will not go to somebody to tell someone which chapter you find most interesting, instead you recommend the book to somebody and it is then up to them, whether to get the book to find out for themselves or to miss the train. by the same token, if you try to read one of the chapters in a book, you might not fully comprehend its content and yet it might even backfire - you dont really know what the chapter is all about and you get confused.
sometimes you just have to let go to discover something more. perhaps it doesnt promise you the best life on earth but at least you will not have regrets in life. as william penn expressed his touch of kindness - i expect to pass through this life but once. therefore should there be any kindness i can do for someone, let me do it now for i shall not pass this way again.
# next to an irish dublin bar: the impeccable interior of moie.
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