down to my last

perhaps i dare not face the brutal reality. perhaps i really think ignorance is bliss. perhaps everything is secondary. perhaps everything is merely details. what is the point?

keep wondering why, why and why. but alwys, there isnt answers to the questions i ask. it has become a cliche but there ain't anythn we can do about. im tired of this sickening hesitation. should i? would i? or could i?

do you see you're all i need? im alwys emotional. accept me for who i am. dont try to change me. i will learn as i grow up. and i will appreciate every single thing i've learnt. i gotta be alive when im sober.

a question always pops up whnever the new year is near: new year resolutions, anyone? i believe evryone has at least one. whether or not its achievable. you gotta have it. make one if you dont have yet. great years ahead man, good luck!

i knw i hv been blessed. i thank You. cheers.
merry christmas and a happy new year!!! (yes, its a norm!!) luvyah!! =p

ps: gonna celebrate during xmas 'n have a blast on new year's eve, you have one too!! till then! peace out peeps!!

crap

its been awhile. havent got time to blog. and i've just come back from a long trip. tht was great but i miss my family so dearly. so so desperately. i wanna go home again.

then im sick

aint it funny? i've finally fallen ill. people, im sick!

and im sick of the things around me. i seem to be living in denial; denial in disguise. i hate this feeling, when is it gonna be subsided? im awaiting for time to come. and why do i have to face this all alone here. well i can say i have made a lot of sacrifice so far. if you yearn for something, you've gotta surrender some of your belongings. and then you weigh it yourself if it is all worthwhile. what about it? do i still have you in my life? having said that, i guess i only need my close friends to make it on my way.

it seems i am frantically not very happy with what i have - the way im being treated. im sorry i pray for Karma.

im still here

time goes by, so slowly that i dread myself to wake up. it all boils down to this fuckin reason that i cant sleep at night. i mean how could this happen to me, ever? believe it or not, i have not been having good nights lately despite the excessive spending on this and that. that's just what a girl does, nothing special. i practically rely on these to escape from my daily dull routine. i've fallen into the edge of darkness. whatever i do looks wrong to me.

i walk around trying to understand

shouldnt you be amazed or havent you wondered why i didnt blog on my 21st birthday?? ah, did i just mention it, hell yeah im officially 21. im 21. wht the heck. i dont feel like it. in spite of the many many friends celebrating birthdays in october, it just feels like an ordinary day slipping subtly away. and i didnt have complaints. just like any birthdays you celebrate, you're bound to receive gifts. in singapore, i dont have many friends. having said that, i did receive some from unexpected people. really grateful of their kindle thoughts. i dont know why but i know im blessed. unfortunately im afraid of the day where i wouldnt get any gifts from god. if you love me, i would appreciate it even by a mere 'happy-something'. i do, really do. believe it or not, i cried myself to tears the moment i got the greetings from certain people. not just any other friends.

right now during this earthly hour, i keep calling jet but he's not giving any response. i wish i could help. perhaps he's too exhausted. the fatigue that one has to go through when things dont always go your way, and yet you just have to pull through. i totally feel it. constantly indeed.

someone please hear me. sometimes, i hate myself for being me.

life's a bitch.

i have no idea why im being treated in such an unjust situation and what have i done wrong? why do they have to do these things to me? am i not strong enough that you gotta cast a spell on me, that im blinded by the randomness, that i have to go through all of these and realise something else on earth? if yes, please do, im ready and i wont let you down.

and right there, as i read again of what i've just written, i feel so immature. you can call me childish. we have first world countries, third world industrial countries as well as developing countries. i think, i might as well be labelled as one developing human. a human being that needs decades just to prove to herself that she's capable. or perhaps not. she knows well that it all lies in the hands of god, the future. who can predict the future? nobody does.

i dont even have time to procrastinate. always in the midst of searching for excuses, making attempts to run away from reality. im such a big fat coward. the fat one. that the ass is unadjustable - that cannot be moved - the ass which cant me moved.

how will i knw

every sip of absolut ruby red reminds me of so much.. not the good times but the otherwise.
and i keep drinkin'.

well, perhaps im just tryin to make a big turn in this one-way street. if all the people in the world were to be born with a lil bit more etiquette, it wont ever trigger the nerve-wrecking situations; anywhere, anyhow. having said that, without it we tend to lose some kind of consciousness. we actually care for the people around us, very much. we just dont realise it until its gone. i know its a cliche to say this, but im constantly out of my mind. i am always being carried away by the hustle and bustle of the city. if you wanna talk abt the Orchard Road, go ahead.


i cant let go. it's the problem with me, i can never let go of something.

i hate myself for being too compassionate. it worths no standing ovation but of something if you're really goin through, you feel extremely terrible. believe me, you'll be doomed to a condition whereby nothing seems to rhyme.

please show mercy. thankeww.