Round

the earth is round.
my stomach - ditto.
i am so freakin full.
right after a steamboat buffet.
hooray! hehe. *when it comes to food*

all the people have been talking about me. this is, i bet its the right thing. something i should be proud of. to your concern i am now working for the Izzinet company, the wireless broadband service brand ambassador. work was tough, it used to be so stressful that i hardly had the time to have a relaxing bath. never really spend my righteous time in a way it should be. everything was all jumbled up together, it was all too vague to be seen vividly.

right now. things change. as i see it in a challenging way.
i have become the top sales and already a leader to the team. in the meeting today, i got the recognition and also a souvenir from the iBurst - thingy. please google 'iBurst' in wikipedia or whatsoever if you have not heard of this, yet. hehe. argh, its a thumbdrive. its like, duh, like i don't have any. alright, i'll be grateful. and thankful.

on the surface it is indeed a good thing. though everyone just tries to beat you in a very subtle way. i sometimes dont like it, but i have to pretend i dont know anything. according to my dad, i have to be naive at times or just play the character. right, i have to admit i am really innocent at times. other than that, they talk to you like you're invincible, but they backstab you at your back. it is so fake. you, hypocrites!

it is complex, being carmen.

i will wake up when June arrives. i can't wait.
i need a break. like a real solid break. if you get what i mean.
so take a bow.

somewhere

some things are meant to be.


no matter how hard you try sometimes, when things are destined to happen, sooner or later, i believe it would happen, somehow.we just can't push ourselves too hard, can we? just let it be, i would say, just leave evrything to God. He has already got a plan for us, a better plan; when things turn out to be bad, once we have gone through them, that i strongly have this mindset that those bad things would eventually make us stronger than the screwed up days.


occasionally i would hate myself. i am really selfish. and i act like a child. i cannot believe im already numb to a lot of occurences in my life. i do not have a special feeling toward certain eventful situation. and i have a mindset which is totally wrong. i dont really care about some things which other people strongly disapprove of. for instance, when i think it is not wrong to behave in that way, other people think the otherwise. then again it all still boils down to the same damn thing, i still care about what others think of me.


argh.i am not cool.

during this chinese new year, i lost an uncle. how should i put it in words. how i wish i could help when he was reaching out for someone, i did not do my best. it was either because i was too lazy to move my butt, or i was still in heaven chewing the titbits. argh. im not a good person. RIP. i dont wanna lose anyone else from now on. i cannot afford. oh well, GOD!!

***
my face is gross.

numb

there should be many things to be posted in this blog but i choose not to do so because i still wanna keep things to myself. im never really used to the thinking of sharing all my problem to people. i have always had secrets to myself, never really confide in anyone whole-heartedly. this is not because i do not trust them but i just thought i should mind my own business and solve them all by myself. and hell yeah, i think i can.

anyhow, i always tell myself that time can heal everything because time changes everything. you may prove me wrong but that's how i live.

this time right now, i should also be anticipating the blossom of the new year, right, its chinese new year. i don't have a special heart to invite this occasion, for instance, i do shop my own clothes and yeah i did, for the year, but that was just a very quick one and without the uniquely-required passion. i just bought the clothes for the sake of buying, or rather, for the love of new clothes. the tops i have bought are mostly red though. yeah, im still conscious. im glad im not moved away by my stupidity in dealing with certain nuisance.

it is also clearly shown that i am still under pressure.
a rush of blood to the head.

all i want to say

people keep telling me what to do and what not. shall i take their advice or i should follow what my heart says. most of the time i do not act what i intended to do because i guess i care about what others have to say about me. i think i really do.

you will now tell me, i shan't listen to them. i should do what i feel like doing. what i want to do. and what i feel best doing. then again and again, my thinking and my action may vary. rather you could say, im a very indecisive person. though im trying to make my own decisions, hoping not to cause any trouble. so far, so good. =]

things are just fine. perhaps i should just count my blessings. i am loved. i should be happy. let go all the things that would give you a bad day my dear carmen. the world is beautiful. come to think of it, i think i havent had a really crying time with God long since. this may indeed be a blessing, or am i too numb to be shedding a tear for you. i won't stop working; making money. i just want to save some penny, and spend them. some time later.

i got a plan.

***
i no longer shout at you doesnt show a good sign my dear. you would still have to carry on with your own life no matter how bad your life turns out to be. you may never know, i still care about you because i love you. my ever young bro. please wake up and realise how things are getting out of hand. it is never too late.

buy me lollipops, anyone?
"substitute it with bittersweet chocolates, please?"

that's all i have to give.