Ditto

what ludicrous emotional feelings- first day of May, i wanted to cry. and the same thing occured to me that i am one brat. come to think of it though, i couldnt recall the sad things that i've gone through throughout this whole damn month, ya right i had been working, or rather, have been working. its ending soon, well, i might be demanded under a few circumstances. fine, it could be that the first and last day of the month of May, are my emotional days. is it worth all the tears? for only 2 days? not.

i guess i have never been at this situation right now, im totally out of my mind. im so useless, everything is out of my hand; out of my control. when i try to reach out for something, its always not there.. i've gone through all these before, it actually hits me deep now. in the middle of the nights, i express myself. it's somewhat a time when noone really knows what im doing, most of the time, i think back all of the things that i've done on that particular day and so i cry for the sorrow. and the regret. it's time for myself. it's no more a time for the bribery. like i've done one before. no more time in heaven. a borrowed heaven.

let it out. accept it, dont let it turn the screw.

Tonight, I wanna cry.

Keith Urban has one song by the title of this. credits to jet. i love the song and im definitely feeling it. on occasions i dont even know if the things i've done all along is wrong or right. about the things that i've gone through, it might even sound childish to you but to me it's the walk of life, i take it as i'm growing up and im handling things in an independent way instead. so basically different people has different perspectives.

i have a close friend, i bet she doesnt want the name to be mentioned down here, knowing the person she is. she's afraid of getting old, as in the way we see things will change in the long run. we no longer laugh over the stupidest joke, but to me, the moment the clock is ticking, somehow there will be something that is changing inside of us- the heart. what if there was no time, we wouldnt know what's wrong to our seniors, wondering why their hair drops day by day or turn goldishly white someday when we wake up to the new day, not knowing how old we are too. like, the creatures wouldnt know what's the day today, or perhaps they have their own way of looking for the answers to these dumb questions.

i dont know what the future holds for me, it's abit of too early for me to see the grey side of the world perhaps. i really wanna know what exactly it is that is on the other side of the world, i have the curiosity to discover it, not to jupiter..venus or anything like that though. i mean, there should be some other places that are not known just yet. how do i get there? well, dont worry peeps, i'm more than rational at the moment, just wondering. ignore me.

the road is long. too long. there must be alot of things ahead awaiting for me, but im afraid i wont have the guts to unscrew the chain. i'm really scared. please give me a hand while i'm walking the line, it's crooked somehow. am i too free to be thinking too much? puzzles are scattered else where, still picking it up and am trying to hunt for the pieces.. what if i cant complete the puzzle? right, i should get some shut eyes now. not really a pleasant Labour day for me though, sigh..

tonight, i wanna cry.