Thankful

i woke up in the morning and i was like, so nervous and totally curious about today's event. you know, i actually went to legend hotel in kuala lumpur for the desa perdana school's international understanding cum installation day. i never expect it to be so much fun today, ya know, most of my friends werent going so i thought i would be quite lonely. but the fact is, teehee, it was awesome man!

apart from that, i lurrve the food man, it was so delicious. well, i think it was the brownies there that actually melted me. i was like gobbling down all my food in my plate for the second round hehe! am i greedy? oh no! look, what's the point if i dont go for second round if it's a hi-tea.. my goodness, my mind is all about the temptatious chocolatey brownies right now but seriously if they actually provide us with the chocolate dressings, i think it'll taste even better, well, flawless then!! phew, it was over! lolz, nevermind about that, next time! haha, crazy, aint i?

my dancing skill was still doing fine but one thing i have totally no idea is that my boy friends actually think i'm wild. sigh, they surely assume me of stopping by the clubs and pubs very frequently, which is something totally wrong all right? and if i do go, i'll have my family by my side. i dont dare make any statements about how my future clubbings session gonn be but ya know, just not now! i'm so pure.. hehhe.. by the way, i'm not sure if i'll go clubbing hehe! taking up dancing lessons, most probably yeah.. lolz! how about that, elaine and lien yiny? haha..

ahh by the way, i did make myself an icy cool peanut abc aka ais kacang (they call it) hehe, it wasnt really sweet but i still enjoyed eating it, it was made by myself all right and it was filled with red beans and peanuts, just imagine! hehe.. not forgetting the corns for sure.. ^^

i just feel surprisingly brilliant with the programmes and activities that i had today; never before attended such international understanding day, tee hee! awaiting for my school's hehe.. and of course, we did take pictures. if you wanna have a look at it, haha i'm doubtful if i should upload it here coz as you can see, i rarely upload pictures these days. another reason why is that the camera is not with me nowadayz, sob sob. hehe..

thanks for willing to spend some time on this article, coz this is quite lame, you know talking all about my gay-ee happenings hehe, but still i wanna thank my friends for asking me to attend and i had great fun!! really enjoyable moments, especially when they played Get Right by J.Lo, just rocked the house man i mean when i was dancing, kekke!

well, i should stop now coz my digested stomach is calling me and worse, my lil brotha is yelling downstairs for me.. so long, take care! ^^

Big Day

• my great grandmama's 91st birthday
• one of my close friends' birthday
• happy wesak day
• happy birthday-z
• ate 2 slices of cake
• what a coincidence
• swing swing swing
• remained silent from 10 to 3
• miss my grandmama up above
• miss my barbie dolls
• i had 4 kindergartens
• i can still play badminton
• swimming rules my world
• i'm in red
• what's left in my piggy bank after the holidays
• desk's a total mess
• wrote a poem
• miss my organ
• music is my lifeblood
• miss you
• dislike people killing mosquitoes
• disappointed with somebody
• hesitant whether to cut my fringe

Concrete Dying Chihuahua

is this a mistake?

i cant believe i'm blogging when i should be nerding my history, hell yeah boring history.. but i had high hopes before the previous papers, just never know why i have such feelings right now..i'm like dropping way under.. things just arent going my way, like they always do. life is so ____. please offer me an adjective to fill in the blank, really i have not any clues on it. i am about to type a word for it, but He makes you to decide for me.

anyone out there, please get me the hell out of this chun-ted place.. my view, my way, my dreams... my goodness, almost shattered. i'm all wretched.

well i went swimming and it was really exhausting which actually made me a dying rose now. i think i'll have to dive into my slumberland soon, but as always, i cant do the things i want. there is always at least something hanging in there, stuck me in there.. i'll have to study, at least a nibble man..why? please give me a reason for..living? no, i shouldnt say that..

whatever man. i need some time alone. again.

perhaps really i am stuck under this roof, everyday, apart from my tuitions, school..and really..nowhere that i'm heading. if i dont go swimming, really what kinda damn life is this? we're brought here at least for a reason but why cant i see that.. all of the people, i dont know why, i just cant go with the flow..i need to hang out... really..

hang out? or hang me up? ridiculous. oh by the way, i'm back?

all stranded. ooh, i'll be gone... i do promise i'll get it right back to y'll soon.

Offline

i've been ill for days. i guess it's recovering. one thing i dont understand, this year seems to be a real hard year for me. i have so much to worry and things are bothering me. actually i think i'm sort of a weakling this year although it doesnt sound right to be voicing out from my mouth but the fact, it is. it's quite ridiculous, you might say it. i dont care, so long as i feel that it's what i am going through. i am strong, it's from a friend of mine. i will remember it. *winkz*

somehow examinations are just around the smelly corner. i could already smell it. the smell is not nice guyz. i kinda already feeel the tension. i guess i wont be onlined for these few days... or weeks? lolz, it's quite impossible for a person like me. i mean for days, perhaps i could. weeks? well, let's wait and see. see if everything goes right and i do Not have to post anything here. or to get things right, something BiG happened to me. i think i would be on then. see yaz!

cheers everyone. and peace out. take care while i'm away.

Learn it

so i might sometimes offend others but that is never truthful, i just want to be heard. have i gone wrong? no matter what i say, it seems wrong to others, all right put it this way, most of the time and i'm here to tell that i hate it. pretty much. i know it's not right to be always exposing the truths, as for your information, we ought to conceal slightly a little from others as to keep them company. we never say things to hurt others because it aint gonn' bring out the beautiful scenario.

all we gotta do is just be patient. ya know, patience! man, it's tough. well, have we had any learning-to-breathe lesson? i guess not. what about patience? i wonder...

Lost vs Omen

i just dont understand why people do things without a particular reason. i guess i am too. that's crazy isnt it? it's common i have no idea what others want but it's darn peculiar that i dont know what i want. please show me the omen... i'm lost inside. and i sort of think that life is totally unfair. i always do not get what i want, instead, i have what i dislike or refuse to have. so life's unpredictable huh?

i guess i need some time all alone. frankly speaking though, it doesnt help much and perhaps doesnt at all heal. i'm only waiting for miracle to happen although i always encourage others to create it but to cross hands waiting... somehow it's easier to be said than done guyz and you know that! argh, i am so dumb and bothered.

Unique

today is thursday. i am quite fascinated because today is a holiday. when i want to get myself to actually feel it, i think of my tasks. to be frank, today is just special. i do not know why because it's so special that i dont have this kind of feeling even during weekends. this is weird. this feeling is impermanent though. i still have my tasks to be completed but i dont feel like doing. my sloth is performing again. gawd please help me.

why do i not know what i should know? i just hope my dreams would not be shattered.

Oh Boy, My Personality?

Your Personality Type
You are an optimist who is often more focused on the past and the future than the present moment. You have an active imagination. You have good hunches and intuitions and people notice that.

Your Motto
"I want to discover the truth in life."

How You Work best
You work best in cooperative, harmonious environments. Competition, a rushed pace, and a strict format for communication don't work well for you. Your strength is your open-mindedness. Your Achilles heel is that you are sometimes too hard on yourself.

Your Life Situation
You are not fully satisfied with your current life situation. It is in your own hands though to change this. Every day you have the opportunity to improve your life situation by making decisions that suit your personality best. Making decisions that suit your personality best benefits all areas of your life: your relationships, your career, your love life, your goals, your family life, and your health. In order to make the decisions that suit YOU best, you need to know your personality well.Learn more about your unique needs and how to shape the environment that suits you best and start making the right decisions today.

Reason Why

why am i sooo lethargicly sluggish??!! haha an easy word, lazy, means it all. we do not even have to think twice.

i am so dumb. well, both are not related i know but someone who's always escaping from the reality and not wanting to complete his/her tasks is me. someone who cant resist the temptation of the damn MSN Messenger, is me. someone who can be sleeping for hours during saturdays and wasted the most apposite day to complete tasks is also the girl who'd rather be blogging than to be doing her add maths tasks! why me??!!

the mid term examination is awaiting just around may. i cannot imagine how the result will turn out to be. hopefully it's what she wants. this girl just took a long hours of nap, long enough to match the hours that she spends on sleeping for her nights. i do not know how she could do well in the upcoming examination unless she decides to change her attitude. now changing attitude is another problem for her too. she has just too many things to handle.

procrastinate is always the best thing she does. no one does better than her. i do not understand the reason why, even until now. phew.

Statue

no one could ever know how i truly feel inside. i have something i've always wanted to tell anyone about anything, but i am not given the opportunity to do so. i have to cross my hands and wait, and wait and still waiting... mind you, it's never my intention to not telling.

apparently i'm missing someone. i wonder that person actually knows if i'm missing him/her. i feel that i'm such a chicken all of a sudden. i dont dare voice out what i want. i think it's most probably influencing myself. others tend to think i dont want to make my own decisions. you've gotta know, i've tried so hard to make but finally i have the answer. wait a minute, i'm hesitating if i should disclose. you guys are probably having a thought in mind that this is actually about courtships or something but think about it thoroughly, could it be? no one ever knows because for your information, i do not always tell my problems to anyone. it could be my bovine stupidity of being such a timid person!! man, i dont even dare face my own life.

my raspy voice is telling me to do what i should but on the other hand, it's still depending on this miss, whether she wanna move forward. no regrets? i dont think so. i was afraid to even call my great grandma when she was struggling to live at the hospital years back. it still lingers in my memory...

should i just do what i wanna do and forget about others just because i'm living my own life? i do not know. and it's never known.

are you who you wanna be?

In the Mood

i am so dangling in the air!! i feel so great right now. you know, with all these changes. i've changed my blogskin to this current inspiring one other than the previous one which someone called it as plain and mundane. forget about it, if you know who i'm talking about. hey, that opinion was actually quite motivating once you've seen this page, i mean you've gotta be an all-time reader of mine to get to know this. all right, enough of that. in fact, i changed because i feel that it's time for a change. you know, from ignorance to wisdom!

cool stuff, i've changed soo darn lots of things in just merely a day. i enjoyed the process of it, really. well..

shrug off your shoulder and forget about yesterday, tomorrow is yet to come!! we spread out our hands to welcome it, and that's happy! i am so in awe without a particular reason. aint it funny? especially imagine this, i'm typing in front of this monitor. hehhe.. i'm going insane.

somehow this feeling is impermanent. indeed, nothing is. we should just remain the incredible power of being appreciative. i do not know what will exactly happen or i mean not even a slight hint of the yet-to-comes so i reckon we should just anticipate. com'on, that's unpredictable isnt it? all right, i was being lectured by somebody else, someone who's worth all my eardrum juices and my time. thanks for right believing all this while.

Brand New

i just wanna post something here coz i feel that i want to do so. i have so much work to be completed yet i'm still here blogging. all right, be it i just wanna runaway from the reality for at least few minutes. i need to breathe. i wanna change; to a new leaf? i guess it's not approriate to use in this situation on account of the fact that i wasnt a defiantly rebellious kid who wanted a new environment. i just wanna change.

i've put aside my homework to be blogging this out, is this a changing course? everybody faces problems but i dont see it. therefore, i take for granted. i think the problems that i'm having now is the toughest to go but in fact it might be yes, might be not. i'm just coming clean.

i'm sad for a moment.

you know, sometimes i feel that i can get along really well with people but too, occasionally i think that they do not really like me, in a sense that i'm being too well, indescribable. surprisingly, i get along really well and feel totally comfortable with people elder than me, they tell me their experiences. and those actually make me more mature. wait a minute, am i mature? my mind is too old for my age, sometimes. i could be naive though, as it's alwalys coming out from my friends' mouths which i do not really agree with but i am not against it too. my lovely buddies help me making decisions all the way; turn me to a more rational person. i wanna thank everyone who has helped me all along. i appreciate that.

i think i wasnt myself though i was. i want a vivid and clear observation of myself from others and myself, most importantly. i cant wait for a new day's arrival. wait for me, i'm coming!

Empty

i am so hungry right now. i havent gone downstairs to check out what i'll have for my breakfast hehe, so lazy to get down actually. i'll probably be getting down after this, else i'll be starved to? hehe.

life is a hassle. my time is all jam-packed. sigh. my homework is much enough to kill my time, i dont even have my own space, i mean to chill. please dont tell me by surfing the net is one of the chilling games. you know, last time when you get to online, it was like the sweetest thing. but that was last time! i dont wanna mention about it, about how time has changed. i'm all with my homework and stuffs. aiks, sort of getting idle right now. pheww.

whenever i blog, my emotion changes. and that's how i feel at the moment. i was so moderate, but now? sighh. that doesnt heal my empty stomach, or maybe i'm just too hungry to write any longer.

love me or i'll be gone, i'll be gone...

In the Middle

i dont know why. i just feel really awkward. i'm like in the middle of everything and not getting any further... i am profoundly uncertain. and i mean really! why does everything go on like that? just wanna know why, i dont expect anything beyond that. of course, i do want the solution but that doesnt seem to be working anyway.

everything i do.. it's like nobody really appreciates it. they just blow me off and leave me hanging in the air just like that, and that's it. i'm tired and sick of it. did i do the wrong thing? my mind is empty except thousands of question marks floating.

where did i go wrong? and what should i do?

then again my uncertainty is driving me all the way mad. i dont even know what i want...

Doubt

11 dayz of strugglings ended the way it should be. im finally back to life again but on the other hand that was just the beginning of the very extreme i know. i feel like having a hard rock placed in my brain and yet it is so darn heavy. i wanna remove it but the truth is my energy forbids me to having it done and out. it's aching.

went out to release stress today but it seems that it was quite depressing in the end; having noticed that my purse was screaming for companions aka the money. i spent so much today on presents and of course for my own. fortunately my buddy spent more and that i could actually find a reason for myself not to be down. moreover, money is just money but happiness is everything and miraculous.

and sadness is? i dont dare mention anything about it. i think my heart wanna stop here.

Just Wanna Live

everything is not right
i wanna scream i wanna weep
no one can make it right
i wanna dream i dream of flying
flying haunts me
never predicted things will turn out to be like this
so sad
look up to the sky everything is still
it's so fake i'm going insane
strandedly stuffed with chaos
my bolster im everything with you
chocolates you enlighten me
failure you're indeed a good teacher
send in blue devils
triumph never wish to be heard
pain and sorrow
nobody knows nobody experiences
shake my head silently
tidal wave drives me off to sea
fire defines inevitably sultry
nowhere to go no one to lie on
hard to watch the time
wake me up when the sun heats up
soulful ride shallow dream
allow me to live through damnable calamity

Craving For You

aww man, the exam finally started today, how i loong for today to arrive. dont you feel weird bout it, after this 2weeks' nightmare or shud i say sweetdreamland, i will have my own excessively wholesome hours to compete and too, i cant wait for it. yet if i really wanna talk about it, there's really nothing much i'll do except hanging out with peeps or studying at home, humorous huh, so you think i'll study?.. i'm kind of speechless at this moment. but somehow time changes, all right? i might be the one who nerd for hours each day, who knows? well, i find it inconceivable as well, what more to expect from the one who's reading this to believe or even have a petty thought of it. kekke, but hey, i will really nerd, for at least this year i guess. it all just depends, on my mood.

there are still 2weeks ahead, how am i gonna struggle through it without your support? please guide me and give a little bit of generosity; hint me some ways to get you. i am totally out of the being initiative kind, so dont put hopes on me. but i really do need you. this is true. LOL. you are the AIR that i breathe, you should really know... hehhe, hang on, dont expect anyone of you to be as important as it described as, you arent! lolz, just joking~

if you know me well and of course reads well with goodie eyesight, you might guess the one who has the force to be in my mind for so long and indeed, stand a very important position.

peace out.

Born to Try

it's in the middle of the chinese new year. i should be very excited but apparently, im not. it's not about stuff which involves gambling or money; it's totally nothing to do with that. i did a personality test few minutes ago, which i have done last year but didnt know the purpose of doing it over again just now; i was oblivious to the fact that it had to say about me last year, not until just now.

perhaps it's about the timing. i started to think deeply. friends i have a whole bunch but when it comes to soulmate, i think i have.. not to say none. perhaps subconsciously i really keep big problems to myself and if you are going to ask me, i have no idea is what i'll have for the question you ask. i dont like to burden people and i dont like others to worry things with me as well. it's not right i guess but i find it hard to open my heart and worse still when it comes to secret between me and another person, who cares if it's a he or she, i really am not going to tell. a lot of people confide in me but why cant i confide in them, as in big problems? i am no cynical, it's not like that. i do have faith in people but it's darn hard to really tell it to someone. small things like guys, luxuries, lifestyles and so on, i do tell. and what you think i have left out, is actually what i am facing. go figure.

a person confided in me; very special person. this person touched me intensely. in the absence of touching or being touched, people of all ages can sicken or grow touch-starved. what do you think? anyway, that person asked me not to tell anyone, i guess i have to keep it to myself again. worse still, it's somehow something slightly related to me. others' problems i like to hear and give my opinions on but, you know life's like that, it's easier to be said than done; when it really happens to you, you really not gonna do what you should do. sigh, i dont know how.

perhaps i am born to try it on my own. keeping big things to ourselves, do you agree?

Dreams

woke up from my sweet nap few minutes ago, i have discovered something. i dont think it's unique enough for me to post a blog on it, but still there's something always urges me to blog about it. something i feel about dreams.

i had a great time napping on my sofa. believe it or not, that place was and indeed, is the coolest place to take nap, not even my bed; my bed will only function well when it's bedtime. the sofa is placed right under the spinning-fan, how cool. i am never gonna go ahead writing about the ambience due to the temptation of it. aww, i feel like napping again.

back to the topic, what is it again? hehe, yeah dreams. i had a few dreams in just a mere two or three hours' nap. it all went well, not until i got to this that i actually feel that whenever we're having dreams or so, we have the right to stop it. yea, that's our prerogatives. well, i sometimes have this bovine stupidity to having a flying dreams, which is a dream that actually scares me and i will always want to get away from it. it is just too strong at times and i cant escape. it is gravely nerve-racking and intimidating most of the time. i was scared, dreadfully. again.

dreams can be wonderful and yet it can be horrifying. apart from the dreams i am referring to, there are still the solid dreams we make along our way. those are our motivations, i guess. everybody dreams. theorectical dreams make a flashback for some particular people whereas the solid dreams are what we can have our control on. it all depends.

remember, dreams may vary. of course, it's up to you. we can never have the same dream twice, in which we can be told by anonymous; we can never cross the same river. therefore, treasure every moments we share with others, including our foes'.

ditto the greetings.

Break!

today's the first day of my break due to the ding-dong festival, chinese new year. hehe, should you ask me how my feeling flows, i think i'll most probably tell you, well nothing much, just sort of excited to have a short break after these few weeks of struggles. it's awesome to be waking up late again. hehe, speaking of it though, i cant really sleep until afternoon, hehe, not suggesting it's a good habit though. it's just weird that i can no longer sleep that looong. is this a good sign?

once i look up, i see my calender. it reminds me of the examination that's approaching toward this lazy mind i'm gifted, feel bad now. hehe, perhaps someone who reads this will assume me of having mood swings, hehhe, i am not. just feeling lazy again, argh, my procrastination chases after me again, please leave me. it's human nature i guess, we can do nothing and we shall just leave it and let it be. this tedious chasing-after does no harm on me!

looking to my left, kekke kii..kii Kisses are on my sight. i grabbed it and ate it. ahha, it's the Hershey's Kisses. what a melting chocolate; melts my heart to the sweetest territory, at the moment.

anyways, merry chinese new year everyone!