ReiMei to Silk Road

im seriously going nuts. im going crazy. i dont know what i live for. in this life, i know i was loved by you, you, you, you, you and probably you too! i might have all the love in the world, but it all boils down to the same damned question.

what have i been doing all my life?
the chief point is this : why.

no one could ever give me the defined and definite answer. i guess this is just one of those days again. i know this isn't the first time i'm going through such situation, and i actually have intention to go somewhere alone, for instance, i would go shopping alone or to take public transport alone.. i kinda enjoy it sometimes, or perhaps most of the time if im not in a hurry. it's basically because i get to listen to my favourite music and the best thing in it is that i live in the world of my own. the music to my heart is the key to my serenity. one i define.

also.
when you have something, you don't appreciate them. by the time you lose it, you will eventually start thinking about it, or do ponder-s. this is very common, isn't it? it's the selfish part of oneself. or rather, i would say, we lack self-conscious. most of everytime, we are not aware of what we are doing. we just want something new. we want to fight the curiosity in us. ultimately. we try new stuff. in the long run, we give up.

hell. it sounds like a sick cycle.

there's no practical sense in that. i can't fight this feeling anymore.
i guess i will stop all of these mindful thoughts and take shower now.

shut up and go carmen.