perhaps one day when i can move along, i will wake up.
just feel like screaming my bloody lungs out, it's been inside of me for a long period of time already but i havent really gushed it out to you, somehow, ultimately i would. why cant anyone hear me when im calling out for them? as i've always said, the world's never been good to me, or rather i didnt very much appreciate em, but still, i will not have regrets. well, what's more to say then, good things never really give way to people like me.
i might have too high of an expectation but its how you perceive such things in your way, well perhaps, perhaps i should look at it in a different perspective, is it time to have a change, dear?
and hell no, i will never degrade it. like, why say 'pink' when you can say 'fuschia'?
do i have to do the same damn thing over and over again? im angry and i find it dramatically unfair. there are things i really dont feel like doing but i cant speak up cuz it will only do me no good, if not harm. at times, i cannot stand the way it is that is happening around me, or perhaps im selfish myself, i just cant get over some things i am particular with. all right, i'll need some time for that. excuse me.
and another thing is that im blogging all these what seems like a vain effort, hoping something would actually favour this hooligan. laugh with it and to say goodbye to my october. yes its mine, mind you. So long, not good night.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Saturday, October 28, 2006
This Can't Die
we have unfinished business!!
the world is so beautiful, but i didnt know. i let go a lot of pleasant things in life. i only got to realize it when i cry though, that'd be far too late for me then. perhaps you might gonna have to tell me that's when i should be smiling. but that's not it. =)
i flaunt my intelligence the other way that i find it ludicrous at times. you have already known it if you knew me well enough, therefore nevermind the questions. so there you assume! however it is, to somebody i have no wit but its okay, they're just shallow. i dont have to prove to them how i hold an absurd grief to the things they do.
whee! im alive! Buon Giorno, Principessa Carmen! (aww, im honoured! =p)
Am rather anxious about the future. i dont quite like the way it is now, because apart from studying the textbooks or scamming through the fake facts about the immature game my country's Prime Minister, Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi (Pak Lah, lol) and the former PM, Tun Mahathir are playing, i am still awaiting to reach a certain stage whereby i am totally vindicated from the upset surroundings. and yicks, the Light Rapid Transit (LRT) in Malaysia actually dangled in the air (how long did it go eh?). for god's sake, screw the constructions.
what a shame-lah, ouchh!!
the world is so beautiful, but i didnt know. i let go a lot of pleasant things in life. i only got to realize it when i cry though, that'd be far too late for me then. perhaps you might gonna have to tell me that's when i should be smiling. but that's not it. =)
i flaunt my intelligence the other way that i find it ludicrous at times. you have already known it if you knew me well enough, therefore nevermind the questions. so there you assume! however it is, to somebody i have no wit but its okay, they're just shallow. i dont have to prove to them how i hold an absurd grief to the things they do.
whee! im alive! Buon Giorno, Principessa Carmen! (aww, im honoured! =p)
Am rather anxious about the future. i dont quite like the way it is now, because apart from studying the textbooks or scamming through the fake facts about the immature game my country's Prime Minister, Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi (Pak Lah, lol) and the former PM, Tun Mahathir are playing, i am still awaiting to reach a certain stage whereby i am totally vindicated from the upset surroundings. and yicks, the Light Rapid Transit (LRT) in Malaysia actually dangled in the air (how long did it go eh?). for god's sake, screw the constructions.
what a shame-lah, ouchh!!
Friday, October 27, 2006
except a Rado.
there're more of me that you haven't seen.
they think they know me. they think they're very close to me. how could they ever tell, i'm just a person with a name. i guess i gotta chuckle to myself, even next to me is an invisible man. when i try to reach out for you, do you think you'll be able to make it there for me. jeez, everyone tends to get hooked up with our haughty eccentric, like, i have never said i adore-something. people, they have me as a topic in between their conversations, as if i haven't a clue. im upset. they never ask. they have preconceived idea, of me. they dont do it based on sufficient knowledge about me. it is not fair. at all. to me.
but i dont speak up. b.l.a.m.e myself.
on account that you might get carried away when you talk, it's better if you just shuddap! dont speak my language, i dont very much like it. i have been trying to fill up my days with the good memories we once shared; the good ones, stay forever. how many times can i pretend though? i will be tired, if i see no appreciation. hey i dont give n give, without having a slight chance to take at all.. im not as generous as you think, if you presumee! sigh, its an imbalance of justice.
why do i have things to do with injustice, all the time, why? if you find guilt from this writing, its better if you do.
holy crap.
what do i do now? there are good evidences why i am given a fine name, you just havent; ya have to look one for yourself, cheap hypocrite! take that!!
get it? im traiiiing to be generous.
they think they know me. they think they're very close to me. how could they ever tell, i'm just a person with a name. i guess i gotta chuckle to myself, even next to me is an invisible man. when i try to reach out for you, do you think you'll be able to make it there for me. jeez, everyone tends to get hooked up with our haughty eccentric, like, i have never said i adore-something. people, they have me as a topic in between their conversations, as if i haven't a clue. im upset. they never ask. they have preconceived idea, of me. they dont do it based on sufficient knowledge about me. it is not fair. at all. to me.
but i dont speak up. b.l.a.m.e myself.
on account that you might get carried away when you talk, it's better if you just shuddap! dont speak my language, i dont very much like it. i have been trying to fill up my days with the good memories we once shared; the good ones, stay forever. how many times can i pretend though? i will be tired, if i see no appreciation. hey i dont give n give, without having a slight chance to take at all.. im not as generous as you think, if you presumee! sigh, its an imbalance of justice.
why do i have things to do with injustice, all the time, why? if you find guilt from this writing, its better if you do.
holy crap.
what do i do now? there are good evidences why i am given a fine name, you just havent; ya have to look one for yourself, cheap hypocrite! take that!!
get it? im traiiiing to be generous.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Kiss from a Villain
such a massive repulsion is conjuring up inside.. i feel so disgusted. i dont feel like talking to anyone else right now. not even myself. the only thing to do is to blast out loud music , well, rock ballads. its still peculiar, cuz i aint supposed to listen to any ballads for the moment, well maybe something to do with angst or hysteria..suits me more? argh! but im no angry, neither am i emotional.
*some days i feel like shit. i wanna quit. n' be normal for a bit.*
do i have to smile before i laugh? do i have to leap before i jump? do i have to swim before i drown? all these questions are meant not for scamps but could i fortify more of those, so i would be one sinner? hope not.
i doubt if everything i do is right. it just looks so wrong. i dont wanna do this no more. and to hell with it, no regrets in life? funny...not!! how could we? unless we're born not with the dream n the fickle mind to be more motivated. and to struggle, damnnit!! if someone is all under estimated, now you tell me? cuz i feel like a cow now, with nothing.
***
enough of those. im actually fine cuz i know nothing's gonna be all right, even if i sit through with my inevitable agony. and yes carm, live with it! i dont need nobody to sympathise, i can handle it myself. life is ours and we do it our way! who else to blame, eh?
join me my Black Parade!!!
*some days i feel like shit. i wanna quit. n' be normal for a bit.*
do i have to smile before i laugh? do i have to leap before i jump? do i have to swim before i drown? all these questions are meant not for scamps but could i fortify more of those, so i would be one sinner? hope not.
i doubt if everything i do is right. it just looks so wrong. i dont wanna do this no more. and to hell with it, no regrets in life? funny...not!! how could we? unless we're born not with the dream n the fickle mind to be more motivated. and to struggle, damnnit!! if someone is all under estimated, now you tell me? cuz i feel like a cow now, with nothing.
***
enough of those. im actually fine cuz i know nothing's gonna be all right, even if i sit through with my inevitable agony. and yes carm, live with it! i dont need nobody to sympathise, i can handle it myself. life is ours and we do it our way! who else to blame, eh?
join me my Black Parade!!!
Monday, October 23, 2006
Saturday, October 07, 2006
i faked it.
so much for being 18.
life's such a hurly-burly FM that i dread to stay. what's the worst that i can say? it is not about what i dislike or how unfairly God's been treating me, anyhow, i do not need a reason to be angry with god. i have been so gleefully enjoying my everyday's mainly-routine but somehow something's gotta give.
xxx
few days back, i celebrated my 18th birthday. it was fine. i never expected my thoughtful classmates to have bought me a cake from CoffeeBean; tiffany sweetheart, that is. i really liked the picture of they getting it for me. it was really sweet of them. to be real, never judge a book by its cover, haha cuz it didnt really taste as good. later, i got another icecream-cake from Baker'sCottage by my beloved pals, to my big surprise, it turned out to be freaking temptatious, even better than the CoffeeBean's..haha guess we shall only grab cheesecakes from CoffeeBean, the other normal butter or creamcakes, well, leave that to SecretRecipe, still. lol.
right here, i shall blow a thank-you smooch to the ones who have gotten me the birthday wishes and gifts. i do appreciate them. it's times like this that i can truly see a heart. so long and be good.
life's such a hurly-burly FM that i dread to stay. what's the worst that i can say? it is not about what i dislike or how unfairly God's been treating me, anyhow, i do not need a reason to be angry with god. i have been so gleefully enjoying my everyday's mainly-routine but somehow something's gotta give.
xxx
few days back, i celebrated my 18th birthday. it was fine. i never expected my thoughtful classmates to have bought me a cake from CoffeeBean; tiffany sweetheart, that is. i really liked the picture of they getting it for me. it was really sweet of them. to be real, never judge a book by its cover, haha cuz it didnt really taste as good. later, i got another icecream-cake from Baker'sCottage by my beloved pals, to my big surprise, it turned out to be freaking temptatious, even better than the CoffeeBean's..haha guess we shall only grab cheesecakes from CoffeeBean, the other normal butter or creamcakes, well, leave that to SecretRecipe, still. lol.
right here, i shall blow a thank-you smooch to the ones who have gotten me the birthday wishes and gifts. i do appreciate them. it's times like this that i can truly see a heart. so long and be good.
Monday, October 02, 2006
i call th(e)s(e)...HOT!
i cant get enough of them boys!!! OhMyGawd. their album is worth so much for a Bailey's chocolate milk!
and owh, i want Baileys for my birthday!!! hahaha...its a joke. not!
very funny, its just a yawp to constantly remind myself of the red wines (duh!) we have in the freaking fridge, screw it! ahh...everyone's drinking Baileys.. lol
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