flash from heaven

perhaps so tied up with work. and with nothing. i dare not face myself.

this catatonic body in troubled waters is killing me diligently. i need my inner strength back. people are happy in their lives, why am i not? nobody cares.

it ain't one of those days until i cry.

love all; hate none

as i hover my mouse to the 'sign in' link, i am totally oblivious to the exact date that i last posted in here. i know it must have been quite awhile. my dear readers perhaps no longer do their routine drop-by anymore. especially with the likes of Facebook, Twitter, Tagged and whatsoever, you name it, not that im attempting my best to catch up with trend. i only have a Facebook account for that matter. call me whatever you like.

please excuse me, i know its ridiculous to say that, oh im too busy with this and that, and i have no time for my blog. bullshit, they're all excuses. i have learnt that im sorta running away, so far from grace. i am too childish to be independent. i dont admit that i feel fortunate at times. i dont admit that i do feel pretty sometimes. in retrospect, i practically only complain about life and have never come to treasure the things that im blessed with.

thank you so much for being so patient with me. im learning how to live, i wish i could grow old with you-know-who-but-i-doubt-if-you-would-ever-read-this. i want to be appreciative. i want to be a better person. personalised and captivated by wisdom, i will learn to love to live, to love.

i hope you hear me.

alwys

i wish i could turn back time. there are things i have said and i alwys feel like saying the same thing over and over again. am i being too stubborn? righteousness is a positive attitude but i guess its taken its toll on me. there's no way i can see light again.

people think im young. perhaps the problem lies in me, i will never have that kinda life i wish i had. it aint fairytales darling. lets face it. this is your life, it is my life.

im getting way down. he told me if i carry on with the right attitude and i will go far. there's alwys price to pay darling, sacrifice to make or rather. what kinda path do i wanna choose? is this that kinda question whereby evryone would ask? doesnt it sound cliche to you? to me, hell yes and i actually find myself being immature right now. i dont need anyone to tell me what to do, i know wht is right and what not.

i wish i were 10 years older.

it was with me.

and i got it. im contented and im relieved.

its another passage. i cant wait any longer to see the real me.

***

i used to wish i could be a better person in your eyes all of the time. i know though no matter how hard i try i am still gonna be me and it doesnt change the fact that i am all alone in this. you didnt knw what i found out all along thinkin we were set but boy i feel so sad for you this time, that nothing's gonna bring back the old days.

cuz i am now awake.

blood. sweat. and Fears.

no matter how much you yearn for something, making prayers everywhere you go, keep frowning over things that aint gonna happen, you are still gonna face it someday. perhaps something good. be brave and face it carm! why am i so such a coward? like cats are eerie to me, im not afraid of taking new challenges.

then again, desire chanced upon the curiosity in the minimal fragile heart. first, give me that, give me the opportunity to pull through. tinkle me with that wink of your eye, tell me i can make it at least. these sleepless nights are killing me day by day. i keep thinkin about it. i keep going on shopping spree to release the tension. oh well, you knw me, its merely an excuse to buy new things. i admit that. though i have no idea why i think i deserve this that i neglect all the other beneficial offers and the very fringe benefits from different parties. call me pigheaded, or just simply being obstinate sometimes (hell yeah, only sometimes lol) i only want this. nothing else.

and just for the record, i support Steve Jobs but i think Microsoft should launch their own phones too as suggested by newscaster, Bill Rigby in Seattle. i suppose a lot of ... people (lol) out there would be longing for it, perhaps i will try out but.. but but.. not to the extent whereby these 2 newyorkers got married in an Apple store for being too deeply in love with each other and the Apple products. ah, jokers. lol.

well..

maybe i will fall but i knw i will make it this time. wish me luck.

whatever apologies you make sometimes are just never gonna be enough. i wish i could help. spare me some time darling.

there's ths thing called - anticipation

people say, 'to await for the opportunity' but it doesnt come knocking at your door. it doesnt stop at your door. you might get the bell, but not the knocking, all the other rest, you just gotta grab hold of them yourselves. no one but yourself.

i did all tht i've gotta do. now its time that i waited for the last chance. there are things in life, i know i need them so much but in most incidents, i dare not raise my voice. and there i let them slip away. so far away from me, i do not regret. i just move on. at least im making my best attempts here. it is funny we have to make decisions, i swear its the last thing i want to do, right, decisions fail us sometimes. but there's alwys another window that's open for us. whether u want to close it, it all boils down to your own hands.

this time, i let it open. i walk the line.