stand still, look prettay

should be a great week for me. perhaps it is. indeed. i kinda felt it few days ago, but you know, im sorta emotional or rather, sentimental..so i cant help but feeling subsided. now that i recall, a lot of good things did happen on me. ha, how implausible a chuckle. well, how should i mention.. i was announced and crowned the president of the financial club in my school. i should be so lucky, cuz being a transfer-student, what can i expect more, right? and then, on the same day, i was gifted a silver key to the pussycat doll's world tour with some idiotics (lol..u guys wont mind, will ya? lol), didnt really know what sorta wolrd tour, 2006 world tour? happy tour? lol, whatsoever the good names you would wanna call this tour to be, i felt awesome once i got there, you know the ambience and the people over there were just astonishing! they're all crazy head! well, anticipated from the fans of the sweetie babes. to come clean though, im not really into the PCD, well, no offence, i know you're understanding..i went there just to have my body standing on the sands rather than the soul, then again, that was what i thought i'd be. despite the fact that once the dolls showed up, i was lighten up. forgetting reshmonu, im sorry cuz this is the second damn time watching his performance; first was when r&b queen, alicia keys came along.. i dont wanna mention this but he is really a turn-off. i must admit. well, back to the dollies, i guess i can only remember one of the bandmates' name, nicole schweizger..lol..something like that..am not really sure of the fam's name..lol. all right, she's damn catchy, and amazing voice..cool! and she's da bomb!

okie dokie, here i go again, been to another concert, this time around was with family..so expected to be a soothing one eh..duh~ emil chau and victor wong..maybe i should reveal a little, emil gave me a peck on the cheek when i was young, ah 5 or 6? heek, i was too adorable..lol this concert brought me nostalgia and reminiscence. i have nothing more to elaborate on, though.. alright, put it this way, mom was excited.. and real turned on with emil's cordial voice..hehe that's about it..well the firecrackers were brought out enormously.. i stood still watching, like jaws opened..lol..blush wey..

for now, im lazy hehe..if you'd excuse me, stay tuned.
to be c'tnd.
or not. =p

Where's my cashload??

early in the morning, i heard some shouts from down..so i tried eavesdropping, Not to my surprise though, it was a smaaall fight between my lil bro and my dad, sigh my brotha is still behaving like a small kiddo man, wondering when he would transform himself into a better person..well or rather be good. i've talked to him nth times about how he shouldnt do this or that, though it was to no avail, oh so blatant..like im obsessed with pestering him..oh so not true..just when i was about to check out my wallet to reach out a few dollars to spare, i find myself running outta cash..gawd, i've not been spending and where the heck the money has gone?? well, i think i'm quite thrifty at times, that says i would have money in my purse. heck! u heard it, at times...hehehhe..oh my gawddd..i cant imagine myself without money..how am i gonna survive..i dont feel like goin to the atm machine n bla bla..get it from dad? this is so not gonna happen!! o'dear, the last choice is still dishing it out from the freaking atm machine..there's this school function at another school tonight, guess i have to at least spare myself some time, so to speak. dressing up nicely? haha, you will see!! well im not gonna bring my cam though, after all the incidents, i lost my confidence..haha..dont think i can bear the post-mortem..lol funny cuz i cant picture when the snatch thief just grab it like that..phewww!!! and then i'm so gonna be screwed!! intellectually analysed, conclusion is still not bringing the cam! lol.

gawd, im so wanting in ca$h at the moment..show me miracle baby!!(like it's gonna happen)

Personality Type

Your #1 Match: INFP

The Idealist You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close. But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

What's" Your Personality Type?

I

oh my..seeems like ant has misunderstood me but it's all right..least i know there are actually someone who cares...right..nothing much happened today..pretty much the same ole routine..nothing to be pissed of and yet nothing to be happy about..just a day, there it goes. fine, you wouldnt know what im hoping for; im actually expecting a blessing in disguise..hahaha..sounds funny but realistic indeed. i guess for me, that's gotta be a one-eighty turning point, well then only it can be categorised as amazing.. what's the time now babe, okay it's night-time, but i havent had my hands on my homework, ever since i reached home. books still remain virgin, untouched. somehow gotta go check 'em out later..just spare me some time man, procrastination has gotten under my skin..

I

the same ole feelings gets in the way again.. can i not get over it? why must you make it so difficult for me? like my life isnt hard enough to hold on to..i dont intend to complain about life, perhaps i would never feel like it but i just cannot be like one simple-minded person; accept everything that comes. i would try, not in an instant though. what does the future hold for me? noone ever has the answer, right so im just crapping now..i dread to complete my tasks..its like i have lost interests in almost all of the things..apart from eating..though i have to watch my weight. you see i just cant let myself out, completely.. whatever i do, it'll just stuck halfway, that's it. my life could be a hassle, but i dont want it to be. i want to enjoy my life but nothing pops out. i have run outta idea of what to do to make my life more worthwhile, you know some might be asking why must i be so angry with who i am today. let me just come clean, i do not have a reason to be angry with God, cuz i have not done anything that is worth debating, yet. have i turned into one adult now? do i play the same part? did everyone of them go through the same thing? i know i should be happy with what i have now, i do appreciate 'em. people say tomorrow will be a better day, by all means today's a good day. i know i can make it, just hoping i could find better days..

I

i know i should not be thinking - the negative side of the world, but that it just plunges into my freaking mind. i have heck no control of it. totally. one point, i dont know what i want in life though sometimes asking too much or rather, hoping too much...and speculate too much, like you said to me before..man i really miss those days when i was still a naive young kiddo...to some people, carmen is still am, but have u ever known she's collapsed long since? it has got nothing to do with anyone or anything, but this girl just wants to wonder.. perhaps thinking too much.. and that says life is too unfair..or to make it fair, she will never be satisfied. in dilemma.

i've stepped out in a wrong way, perhaps to some its not but living in a materialistic world, or whatever you call it pragmatic world, you can never live with only one track mind..there are pros and cons anyway..so i guess i've done wrong..i can not even forgive myself.. i feel like walking away from it but so far as i know, im just so not happy with this mistake. religion taught us to accept things and not to be angry with things that have happened, i guess i agree with that, partly..im learning my dear.. hopefully i could turn out to be someone like that, well then what noble person i am..

i think..

will i sink or swim?

Break the Wall

perhaps it's really time to focus on something. something specific. i just realised that we can really not do two things at one period perfectly. you gotta sacrifice something, babe. i dont know what the heck is moving in my head now but one thing though, i'm not very happy. life is treating me so unfairly. things that i always opt for, never come to me. when i turn around to laugh at it, it's coming. gawd, by the time it's there for me, my passion for it has already gone. somehow, knowing myself, i would grab it without hesitating. and later when time comes, just when i'm reluctant to let it be gone, i'll be regretful. what a...woman!! i'm just such person, i aint sceptical but you know, not having anything that you want, if not need, is something really pissful..right, self-invented word, i guess?

i have a new dream. and im going for it, right, not revealing! babiez, im back on track! everyone is forgiven now! i wonder who's done wrong so far though, to me, heek... am i forgiven? aww..

Distress not

and now i wonder if we should take everything that seriously, to the extent where we take that as a responsibility and we dont even have a slight idea when we will carry it till, it's sorta strenuous to me and on top of that quite vague too. it's amusing (right) , things seem to happen so unpredictably. what more could we ask for? of a life, so erratic. and in occasions, life is too fair it seems. when we're having the time of our lives, it surely takes something away from us; every new beginning is some beginning's end, same token. more or less. consequently, i am doubtful over every little sweet things that happens, at one moment i could be enjoying excessively, the next thing you know, something has just screwed up. is this what we live for? fact says human is not perfect, i personally think life is not perfect too, it wont be. right, they wont be, indeed.

as for me, speculation is always the best friend of mine. you could also assume i'm a little psychic but in an opposite way. therefore i dare not think of all the good and blissful things that'd happen on me, though i always hope they will. what pathetic! hah, every so often i choose not to think. isnt it the best solution to not let myself feel distress?

life goes on, people!

Hidden Love

Finally found the answer to my one question..
Love is just next to me, indeed. i feel it up inside.

Blessed with Love, once again.


With Love, Life is so wonderful. Cheers. =p

Where's the Love? (All by Myself)

i wish i could turn back time.

this is one thing i would really love to do, at the moment. then again, i dont wanna walk through the same phase over again. it's sickening. all this while no matter what i do, it's somehow wrong to at least one party. until i got to know myself better when i encounter something innate myself. its always all by myself. when i reach out for someone, think myself. that's the answer i always get. am i living myself, today?

i hate myself for being emotional. i know i shouldnt. cuz its really something tiny. what am i.. every steps that i take could be a biggest mistake..i'm tired of all these freaking shit!!! i wanna breathe!!

i'm profoundly depressed. i miss everything.. i dont wanna stand on my own. i dont want.. i dont wanna act like a kid..and i'm not! i'm crazy, i should have done something more meaningful than this... i'm still a kid. that's right.

without love, what is life?

Ditto

what ludicrous emotional feelings- first day of May, i wanted to cry. and the same thing occured to me that i am one brat. come to think of it though, i couldnt recall the sad things that i've gone through throughout this whole damn month, ya right i had been working, or rather, have been working. its ending soon, well, i might be demanded under a few circumstances. fine, it could be that the first and last day of the month of May, are my emotional days. is it worth all the tears? for only 2 days? not.

i guess i have never been at this situation right now, im totally out of my mind. im so useless, everything is out of my hand; out of my control. when i try to reach out for something, its always not there.. i've gone through all these before, it actually hits me deep now. in the middle of the nights, i express myself. it's somewhat a time when noone really knows what im doing, most of the time, i think back all of the things that i've done on that particular day and so i cry for the sorrow. and the regret. it's time for myself. it's no more a time for the bribery. like i've done one before. no more time in heaven. a borrowed heaven.

let it out. accept it, dont let it turn the screw.

Tonight, I wanna cry.

Keith Urban has one song by the title of this. credits to jet. i love the song and im definitely feeling it. on occasions i dont even know if the things i've done all along is wrong or right. about the things that i've gone through, it might even sound childish to you but to me it's the walk of life, i take it as i'm growing up and im handling things in an independent way instead. so basically different people has different perspectives.

i have a close friend, i bet she doesnt want the name to be mentioned down here, knowing the person she is. she's afraid of getting old, as in the way we see things will change in the long run. we no longer laugh over the stupidest joke, but to me, the moment the clock is ticking, somehow there will be something that is changing inside of us- the heart. what if there was no time, we wouldnt know what's wrong to our seniors, wondering why their hair drops day by day or turn goldishly white someday when we wake up to the new day, not knowing how old we are too. like, the creatures wouldnt know what's the day today, or perhaps they have their own way of looking for the answers to these dumb questions.

i dont know what the future holds for me, it's abit of too early for me to see the grey side of the world perhaps. i really wanna know what exactly it is that is on the other side of the world, i have the curiosity to discover it, not to jupiter..venus or anything like that though. i mean, there should be some other places that are not known just yet. how do i get there? well, dont worry peeps, i'm more than rational at the moment, just wondering. ignore me.

the road is long. too long. there must be alot of things ahead awaiting for me, but im afraid i wont have the guts to unscrew the chain. i'm really scared. please give me a hand while i'm walking the line, it's crooked somehow. am i too free to be thinking too much? puzzles are scattered else where, still picking it up and am trying to hunt for the pieces.. what if i cant complete the puzzle? right, i should get some shut eyes now. not really a pleasant Labour day for me though, sigh..

tonight, i wanna cry.

Fire of Anatolia

Previously called the Sultans of the Dance, the Fire of Anatolia is comprised of hundreds of folkdance figures and music from various regions of Turkey. It is a splendid performance that is based on thousands of years of ancient Anatolian mythology and cultural history. Im profoundly impressed to say that I got the golden opportunity to enjoy this energetic and dynamic show. I hope though, i could have another viewing pleasure with my beloved ones. heek, i would wanna feed their eyes with the amount that's gotta do with it from my bank account. we shall see!


Turkey and Malaysia, two nations so close but yet so far. Both nation are thousands of miles apart and yet both have the same believes and cultural values.


Brilliant!

Boredom.

everything remains the same, for now. as bland as usual. i'm still not going anywhere after all the petty mistakes that i've made within theese few months.. perhaps i should call it quit; cant wait for it instead. i dreaded myself to wear a mask each day and crawl to work every single morning. ps: i dont know what i've been doing recently. nothing has changed, nothing needs to be changed anyway. somehow i could see the difference in you, hopefully you would be back again and i'm more than willing to be screwed up, not from anyone else, but you. i love you.

is this drudgery a torture or a signal of happiness?

burden. something's gotta give to make a change.

Life.

if i were to look at life through rose-tinted glass, i'd be hyped up each and every day, aint i? with the interminable rise of pressure, i cant ensure myself to perceive what the so-called education stands for me. everyone has packed their bags and go back to their tertiary education, while i'm working at the moment. from the greenhorn to being someone who is able to help out on events, i feel much appreciated, after all the drudgery. thanks for believing in me all this while, to some people. sigh life, having a wishful thinking and to have one is totally different. those who have are just plain relax. while the latter, could be racking their brains. for now. if you know what i mean. i hope i could put a tinge of colour in everybody else's cheeks by being true to them and they, should know we are all one, no racist; put a smile on your face everyday, it does make a difference. life, i love.

Hey there.

is there anybody out there who miss me? hehe.

perhaps this computer has been suffering for far too long a period and so it yearned to be washed away all the pain somebody has given and so i guess it explains why i am out of this bloggie world for some time.

sometimes i'm just asking too much. i dont know what i'm thinking and i keep having thoughts of getting this and that. i'm sometimes high in demand, sometimes not. this is not what i wanna talk about though, leave it aside. all right, there are just so many things that i want, but looking back, those are just luxuries. i feel bad. i am really sorry. sometimes i buy things that i dont really use, once i bought it, i somehow feel that it's just the fun of spending cash. not too bad though, i'll still find myself using 'em as i planned beforehand. i'm a mixture of a spendthrift and thrifty, oh right, does that mean i measure myself up with that? hell no. ya know, i would spend a lot on food. and especially food. talking about luxury, i'll still eventually find myself loving the something i bought which i thought it was a waste of money-lah. hehe. am i complicated? well, i love new stuffs damn lot. i think the right term to use is i love shopping! hehe, whenever i hear someone's going out to any of the complexes, i'd raise my voice yelling yes! nowadays i dont find myself liking to stay home, heh have to depend on whom i'm going out with of course, heek! goin out with my darling is always something to be cheerful, are you one? ^^

when i spend money, i'll feel guilty. when i save em, i dont know what's the use of it. for future? probably yes, that's just what i'm thinking. but some people just think we should spend everything with the salary, i seriously dont think so. like the future holds nothing for you. then again, we should spend happily cuz we are brought up to live life to its fullest. the minute you spend on branded goods and very expensive gifts, then you're doomed to misread the thing to living life to its foolest! phewit, should we spend or not? but when it comes to a guy who spends on the girlfriend, it's always the better..hehehhe. i love you!

haiyo, i always cant seem to end my blog nicely..hehhe..

Fade to Grey

raining outside steadily, the sky's turning grey today.. does it show a negative sigh for all? who on earth would actually break down to this thought whereby authentically the urge to satisfy their sloth is more in the head..hehe so much for the sleep last night..

looking over the cubicles that's placed in my room, at work, the one who's in fact, hard to fathom and hard to be known at the same time..i wonder in deep thought if he's somehow mad at me cuz i sometimes flash over the problematic calls for him hehhe but well, what can i do about it, and those are the petty mistakes that he made and here's the time for redemption..wheee i'm not that much of a calculative person but this is like a courtesy, isnt it? though some of the uncultured philistines are pretty much too-educated and should be treated in a sarcastic way, i'm still on my way there .....hehe not too much eh?

***
damn, one stuck up customer just called in. i read her the regulations and one of em is that her infant is not advisable to bring in to the icy-rink DOI show(she could neglect the idea as most of em do), she then screwed me in advance saying i'm not professional about how this event is meant for kids, but hello? her case, is an infant..arghh...our company is not even the organiser, let alone me to tell you why..sigh

feel like dozing off any minute now, i hope they wont be any of the sceptical callers from now on..actually i've had next to enough, cuz i'm like downright flooded with the mumblings and scoldings.. i'm just a part-timer man, even the supervisor does not wish to have us carry the burden..but fine, my patience is on the go to the training..thanks for the job and the good pay..teehee..shall i sway to my dreamland?

all right, dont worry babe, i do understand it's not right to shut my eyes while working, hehe..

Anticipation is over me.

scream my lungs out.

right now at the moment, i'm just mingling with the stupid customers who call in on purpose just to get a hell outta me..im like under a district training for my patience man..just could not fathom why they are being so stuck up ya know, we're just doin our job, and that is some sorta operator for the tele sales..nothing more than that..why do they not understand..duhzz~~

owh operator, the line is dead~~wheee?!

i'm feelin great though, today. haha..perhaps it's the anticipation that got me through..and taking about that, spm results are gonna be on board on next monday, officially. i'm damnn tensed!!! i'm just having all these negative thoughts wrapped tight around my body man; can only turn to nowhere. all right, c'est la vie! if i mention it right.

hoping and hoping.

it somehow represents my future, well you might say it's not important, but so far as i'm concern, it does freak me out whenever my mind is engulfed with the devilish monsters.. this can not be true..give me a hand, babe..

all right then, i'll have to make a move from this magical chair now. teehee. good luck, dear!

***
off to work.

wanna be happy

no matter what i've done, i reckon there's actually nothing much i can do now to make it all up. it's not like i've done anything wrong or what, but it might be wrong, under all circumstances i mean..one thing i know though is that we should never be regretful..everything that happens, happens for a reason.. and life goes on..

just had a conversation with vic. he made me realise how life should be and we must be tough to face it. and measure everything by ourselves, i was like, so true. we have to face it our own..because this is my life, i ought to live it the way i want it to, without regrets of course which figuratively means dealing with things in a rational way..

however i did catch a movie with may and jet yesterday..Walk The Line that is.. it is indeed a magnificent movie, unlike some would even call it an insipid one..haha..that movie really got me into it, those things that they were in, made me feel like it shouldn't be this and that..haha..got me heart beating over..somehow i went through a real tiredness after that movie, perhaps i paid a lil too much of concentration..haha and my eyes were hehe..sort of red! cool cool.. 2 grammys at least, good job! woohoo, somehow my movie awaiting list up next would be Casanova! haha..

i live my life. never care what other people say.. i just wanna be happy and i hope sincerely that you do too! peace out! =p

nothing else matters

just because you actually are standing next to the edge of the fire, this does not necessarily make you wrong. it's like whatever i do is wrong to you, you pick up on me this and that, if not everything. i am downright frustrated at times but all i can tell is that i do not have to make any so-called explanations as my words don't affect any other consequences no more. it's sad when someone has soon lost their prerogatives. somehow, i do not always think i'm right all of the time, like you presume foremostly. the urge of reasoning things to you, has soon faded away, as you would also try to think i'm actually making up bulldog stories. on the other hand, i'm also touched that there're actually people out there who have faith in me, all this while. you used to be one of them, so long as i'm aware of. i still bear with the silence that you give me and the coldness.. all the zits of emotions which i do not have to let myself suffer. but i did. and you never cared. what am i supposed to do? anytime from now, i just thought that everything we do, it's for someone else's sake, so there's no right or wrong. or perhaps it's right to be wrong at times, to gain your experiences and stuffs. thanks to God who gets me through all these. it aint over yet. it's growing older and older. i'm like.. suffocated. i wanna get back to school!!

nothing else matters. when you've already given your reasons for whatsoever that you've done, that's it. if that someone refuses to trust you, then just let it be. it's not like the whole world's gonna stop and stare at you if you never got the forgiveness or so, like that particular person doesn't believe you no more, what's the point of it?

i've always believed in you. why do you not?