Feel the Vibe!!

well i went out yesterday with my exclassmates, my buddies, i hope.. it was really fun i must say.. the only reason i'm only writing this now is actually because of the time-being, i didnt feel like blogging yesterday and i'm sorry..(to whom?=p) i was really dead worn out; woke up at 8 in the morning and prepared myself to tuition, got back home and prepared for the outing(yahoo!), and took off..

sometimes i really think i take quite long to dress myself up and i just do not know why haha!! i try to be dressed as soon as possible each time, but it'll at least take one and a half hours, maybe it's short for you but i think it's quite abit of wasting the given time we have, im working on it, haha to be able to manage my time well, else really, everything has to be rescheduled.. okay, back to the topic, i was late yesterday but neither one of them has arrived, haha!! com'on, they had transportation difficulties and it was always fine with me coz i could shop for the first round myself.. teehee!!

all right, i do not wish to mention everything in here because i know it will remain in my memories and you, my dear reader, might get a lil bored haha..yeah, we caught a movie,The Interpreter, it was a really brilliant, magnificent movie.. i strongly recommend it to ya, hehe i got a lil emotional but luckily nobody noticed it, haha!!

we met some friends there and crapped a lil while..then went down to Yoshinoya for few bits; some even bought ice-blended mocha..auntie anne's..and stuffs..we had a great conversation over there.. late after that, the guys left us and they were only 4 of us girls sitting there, went on for the innermosts..it was just making me feel like, jeez, not feeling good, that's it..haha.. coz we talked about stuffs..which is close to the future..karma..yeah.. that's unbelievable, isnt it??

i got back at around 9.30pm.. and something really happened.. for your information, something actually happened before this, which im quite aware of, the former happening (haha!!) was like..haha..crappy for me (asking for my number-lah).. nah i'm all confused now.. hopefully it'll reach a conclusion soon, i mean the latter one.. hehe, i really dont know what i want.. just ignore this part if you dont get it.. i only wish to voice it out.. BUT! if u do get it, any opinions are welcome, but mostly for those i've told.. the closer ones..and the one who's involved.. haha..

Words

what day is today? monday, i see. absolutely june i know.

it seems that i havent been feeding my bloggie for quite some time, i do check on it though.. just feel like bringing my blog alive again, so here i am typing word by word and not knowing what i should write... anybody misses me?? hehe, well i've been going out like nobody's business. on the other hand, my tasks are piling up like nobody's business as well.. woohoo guess i should just pick up the pieces and you know what i am gonna do.. but will i? tripping on words, i dont know what's happened to me.. argh!!

few more months to my examinations, tough ones.. i dont dare walk out the door when school reopens, really dont.. standing on the doorway, feel like stepping back.. somehow i know things happen just as it will be..

hey sarah.. sarah.. whatever will be, will be~~

i always have this verse in mind. it keeps me going.. com'on carmen!! should change the lyrics.. and sing in front of the mirror.. guess that suits better eh??

Thankful

i woke up in the morning and i was like, so nervous and totally curious about today's event. you know, i actually went to legend hotel in kuala lumpur for the desa perdana school's international understanding cum installation day. i never expect it to be so much fun today, ya know, most of my friends werent going so i thought i would be quite lonely. but the fact is, teehee, it was awesome man!

apart from that, i lurrve the food man, it was so delicious. well, i think it was the brownies there that actually melted me. i was like gobbling down all my food in my plate for the second round hehe! am i greedy? oh no! look, what's the point if i dont go for second round if it's a hi-tea.. my goodness, my mind is all about the temptatious chocolatey brownies right now but seriously if they actually provide us with the chocolate dressings, i think it'll taste even better, well, flawless then!! phew, it was over! lolz, nevermind about that, next time! haha, crazy, aint i?

my dancing skill was still doing fine but one thing i have totally no idea is that my boy friends actually think i'm wild. sigh, they surely assume me of stopping by the clubs and pubs very frequently, which is something totally wrong all right? and if i do go, i'll have my family by my side. i dont dare make any statements about how my future clubbings session gonn be but ya know, just not now! i'm so pure.. hehhe.. by the way, i'm not sure if i'll go clubbing hehe! taking up dancing lessons, most probably yeah.. lolz! how about that, elaine and lien yiny? haha..

ahh by the way, i did make myself an icy cool peanut abc aka ais kacang (they call it) hehe, it wasnt really sweet but i still enjoyed eating it, it was made by myself all right and it was filled with red beans and peanuts, just imagine! hehe.. not forgetting the corns for sure.. ^^

i just feel surprisingly brilliant with the programmes and activities that i had today; never before attended such international understanding day, tee hee! awaiting for my school's hehe.. and of course, we did take pictures. if you wanna have a look at it, haha i'm doubtful if i should upload it here coz as you can see, i rarely upload pictures these days. another reason why is that the camera is not with me nowadayz, sob sob. hehe..

thanks for willing to spend some time on this article, coz this is quite lame, you know talking all about my gay-ee happenings hehe, but still i wanna thank my friends for asking me to attend and i had great fun!! really enjoyable moments, especially when they played Get Right by J.Lo, just rocked the house man i mean when i was dancing, kekke!

well, i should stop now coz my digested stomach is calling me and worse, my lil brotha is yelling downstairs for me.. so long, take care! ^^

Big Day

• my great grandmama's 91st birthday
• one of my close friends' birthday
• happy wesak day
• happy birthday-z
• ate 2 slices of cake
• what a coincidence
• swing swing swing
• remained silent from 10 to 3
• miss my grandmama up above
• miss my barbie dolls
• i had 4 kindergartens
• i can still play badminton
• swimming rules my world
• i'm in red
• what's left in my piggy bank after the holidays
• desk's a total mess
• wrote a poem
• miss my organ
• music is my lifeblood
• miss you
• dislike people killing mosquitoes
• disappointed with somebody
• hesitant whether to cut my fringe

Concrete Dying Chihuahua

is this a mistake?

i cant believe i'm blogging when i should be nerding my history, hell yeah boring history.. but i had high hopes before the previous papers, just never know why i have such feelings right now..i'm like dropping way under.. things just arent going my way, like they always do. life is so ____. please offer me an adjective to fill in the blank, really i have not any clues on it. i am about to type a word for it, but He makes you to decide for me.

anyone out there, please get me the hell out of this chun-ted place.. my view, my way, my dreams... my goodness, almost shattered. i'm all wretched.

well i went swimming and it was really exhausting which actually made me a dying rose now. i think i'll have to dive into my slumberland soon, but as always, i cant do the things i want. there is always at least something hanging in there, stuck me in there.. i'll have to study, at least a nibble man..why? please give me a reason for..living? no, i shouldnt say that..

whatever man. i need some time alone. again.

perhaps really i am stuck under this roof, everyday, apart from my tuitions, school..and really..nowhere that i'm heading. if i dont go swimming, really what kinda damn life is this? we're brought here at least for a reason but why cant i see that.. all of the people, i dont know why, i just cant go with the flow..i need to hang out... really..

hang out? or hang me up? ridiculous. oh by the way, i'm back?

all stranded. ooh, i'll be gone... i do promise i'll get it right back to y'll soon.

Offline

i've been ill for days. i guess it's recovering. one thing i dont understand, this year seems to be a real hard year for me. i have so much to worry and things are bothering me. actually i think i'm sort of a weakling this year although it doesnt sound right to be voicing out from my mouth but the fact, it is. it's quite ridiculous, you might say it. i dont care, so long as i feel that it's what i am going through. i am strong, it's from a friend of mine. i will remember it. *winkz*

somehow examinations are just around the smelly corner. i could already smell it. the smell is not nice guyz. i kinda already feeel the tension. i guess i wont be onlined for these few days... or weeks? lolz, it's quite impossible for a person like me. i mean for days, perhaps i could. weeks? well, let's wait and see. see if everything goes right and i do Not have to post anything here. or to get things right, something BiG happened to me. i think i would be on then. see yaz!

cheers everyone. and peace out. take care while i'm away.

Learn it

so i might sometimes offend others but that is never truthful, i just want to be heard. have i gone wrong? no matter what i say, it seems wrong to others, all right put it this way, most of the time and i'm here to tell that i hate it. pretty much. i know it's not right to be always exposing the truths, as for your information, we ought to conceal slightly a little from others as to keep them company. we never say things to hurt others because it aint gonn' bring out the beautiful scenario.

all we gotta do is just be patient. ya know, patience! man, it's tough. well, have we had any learning-to-breathe lesson? i guess not. what about patience? i wonder...

Lost vs Omen

i just dont understand why people do things without a particular reason. i guess i am too. that's crazy isnt it? it's common i have no idea what others want but it's darn peculiar that i dont know what i want. please show me the omen... i'm lost inside. and i sort of think that life is totally unfair. i always do not get what i want, instead, i have what i dislike or refuse to have. so life's unpredictable huh?

i guess i need some time all alone. frankly speaking though, it doesnt help much and perhaps doesnt at all heal. i'm only waiting for miracle to happen although i always encourage others to create it but to cross hands waiting... somehow it's easier to be said than done guyz and you know that! argh, i am so dumb and bothered.

Unique

today is thursday. i am quite fascinated because today is a holiday. when i want to get myself to actually feel it, i think of my tasks. to be frank, today is just special. i do not know why because it's so special that i dont have this kind of feeling even during weekends. this is weird. this feeling is impermanent though. i still have my tasks to be completed but i dont feel like doing. my sloth is performing again. gawd please help me.

why do i not know what i should know? i just hope my dreams would not be shattered.

Oh Boy, My Personality?

Your Personality Type
You are an optimist who is often more focused on the past and the future than the present moment. You have an active imagination. You have good hunches and intuitions and people notice that.

Your Motto
"I want to discover the truth in life."

How You Work best
You work best in cooperative, harmonious environments. Competition, a rushed pace, and a strict format for communication don't work well for you. Your strength is your open-mindedness. Your Achilles heel is that you are sometimes too hard on yourself.

Your Life Situation
You are not fully satisfied with your current life situation. It is in your own hands though to change this. Every day you have the opportunity to improve your life situation by making decisions that suit your personality best. Making decisions that suit your personality best benefits all areas of your life: your relationships, your career, your love life, your goals, your family life, and your health. In order to make the decisions that suit YOU best, you need to know your personality well.Learn more about your unique needs and how to shape the environment that suits you best and start making the right decisions today.

Reason Why

why am i sooo lethargicly sluggish??!! haha an easy word, lazy, means it all. we do not even have to think twice.

i am so dumb. well, both are not related i know but someone who's always escaping from the reality and not wanting to complete his/her tasks is me. someone who cant resist the temptation of the damn MSN Messenger, is me. someone who can be sleeping for hours during saturdays and wasted the most apposite day to complete tasks is also the girl who'd rather be blogging than to be doing her add maths tasks! why me??!!

the mid term examination is awaiting just around may. i cannot imagine how the result will turn out to be. hopefully it's what she wants. this girl just took a long hours of nap, long enough to match the hours that she spends on sleeping for her nights. i do not know how she could do well in the upcoming examination unless she decides to change her attitude. now changing attitude is another problem for her too. she has just too many things to handle.

procrastinate is always the best thing she does. no one does better than her. i do not understand the reason why, even until now. phew.

Statue

no one could ever know how i truly feel inside. i have something i've always wanted to tell anyone about anything, but i am not given the opportunity to do so. i have to cross my hands and wait, and wait and still waiting... mind you, it's never my intention to not telling.

apparently i'm missing someone. i wonder that person actually knows if i'm missing him/her. i feel that i'm such a chicken all of a sudden. i dont dare voice out what i want. i think it's most probably influencing myself. others tend to think i dont want to make my own decisions. you've gotta know, i've tried so hard to make but finally i have the answer. wait a minute, i'm hesitating if i should disclose. you guys are probably having a thought in mind that this is actually about courtships or something but think about it thoroughly, could it be? no one ever knows because for your information, i do not always tell my problems to anyone. it could be my bovine stupidity of being such a timid person!! man, i dont even dare face my own life.

my raspy voice is telling me to do what i should but on the other hand, it's still depending on this miss, whether she wanna move forward. no regrets? i dont think so. i was afraid to even call my great grandma when she was struggling to live at the hospital years back. it still lingers in my memory...

should i just do what i wanna do and forget about others just because i'm living my own life? i do not know. and it's never known.

are you who you wanna be?

In the Mood

i am so dangling in the air!! i feel so great right now. you know, with all these changes. i've changed my blogskin to this current inspiring one other than the previous one which someone called it as plain and mundane. forget about it, if you know who i'm talking about. hey, that opinion was actually quite motivating once you've seen this page, i mean you've gotta be an all-time reader of mine to get to know this. all right, enough of that. in fact, i changed because i feel that it's time for a change. you know, from ignorance to wisdom!

cool stuff, i've changed soo darn lots of things in just merely a day. i enjoyed the process of it, really. well..

shrug off your shoulder and forget about yesterday, tomorrow is yet to come!! we spread out our hands to welcome it, and that's happy! i am so in awe without a particular reason. aint it funny? especially imagine this, i'm typing in front of this monitor. hehhe.. i'm going insane.

somehow this feeling is impermanent. indeed, nothing is. we should just remain the incredible power of being appreciative. i do not know what will exactly happen or i mean not even a slight hint of the yet-to-comes so i reckon we should just anticipate. com'on, that's unpredictable isnt it? all right, i was being lectured by somebody else, someone who's worth all my eardrum juices and my time. thanks for right believing all this while.

Brand New

i just wanna post something here coz i feel that i want to do so. i have so much work to be completed yet i'm still here blogging. all right, be it i just wanna runaway from the reality for at least few minutes. i need to breathe. i wanna change; to a new leaf? i guess it's not approriate to use in this situation on account of the fact that i wasnt a defiantly rebellious kid who wanted a new environment. i just wanna change.

i've put aside my homework to be blogging this out, is this a changing course? everybody faces problems but i dont see it. therefore, i take for granted. i think the problems that i'm having now is the toughest to go but in fact it might be yes, might be not. i'm just coming clean.

i'm sad for a moment.

you know, sometimes i feel that i can get along really well with people but too, occasionally i think that they do not really like me, in a sense that i'm being too well, indescribable. surprisingly, i get along really well and feel totally comfortable with people elder than me, they tell me their experiences. and those actually make me more mature. wait a minute, am i mature? my mind is too old for my age, sometimes. i could be naive though, as it's alwalys coming out from my friends' mouths which i do not really agree with but i am not against it too. my lovely buddies help me making decisions all the way; turn me to a more rational person. i wanna thank everyone who has helped me all along. i appreciate that.

i think i wasnt myself though i was. i want a vivid and clear observation of myself from others and myself, most importantly. i cant wait for a new day's arrival. wait for me, i'm coming!

Empty

i am so hungry right now. i havent gone downstairs to check out what i'll have for my breakfast hehe, so lazy to get down actually. i'll probably be getting down after this, else i'll be starved to? hehe.

life is a hassle. my time is all jam-packed. sigh. my homework is much enough to kill my time, i dont even have my own space, i mean to chill. please dont tell me by surfing the net is one of the chilling games. you know, last time when you get to online, it was like the sweetest thing. but that was last time! i dont wanna mention about it, about how time has changed. i'm all with my homework and stuffs. aiks, sort of getting idle right now. pheww.

whenever i blog, my emotion changes. and that's how i feel at the moment. i was so moderate, but now? sighh. that doesnt heal my empty stomach, or maybe i'm just too hungry to write any longer.

love me or i'll be gone, i'll be gone...

In the Middle

i dont know why. i just feel really awkward. i'm like in the middle of everything and not getting any further... i am profoundly uncertain. and i mean really! why does everything go on like that? just wanna know why, i dont expect anything beyond that. of course, i do want the solution but that doesnt seem to be working anyway.

everything i do.. it's like nobody really appreciates it. they just blow me off and leave me hanging in the air just like that, and that's it. i'm tired and sick of it. did i do the wrong thing? my mind is empty except thousands of question marks floating.

where did i go wrong? and what should i do?

then again my uncertainty is driving me all the way mad. i dont even know what i want...

Doubt

11 dayz of strugglings ended the way it should be. im finally back to life again but on the other hand that was just the beginning of the very extreme i know. i feel like having a hard rock placed in my brain and yet it is so darn heavy. i wanna remove it but the truth is my energy forbids me to having it done and out. it's aching.

went out to release stress today but it seems that it was quite depressing in the end; having noticed that my purse was screaming for companions aka the money. i spent so much today on presents and of course for my own. fortunately my buddy spent more and that i could actually find a reason for myself not to be down. moreover, money is just money but happiness is everything and miraculous.

and sadness is? i dont dare mention anything about it. i think my heart wanna stop here.

Just Wanna Live

everything is not right
i wanna scream i wanna weep
no one can make it right
i wanna dream i dream of flying
flying haunts me
never predicted things will turn out to be like this
so sad
look up to the sky everything is still
it's so fake i'm going insane
strandedly stuffed with chaos
my bolster im everything with you
chocolates you enlighten me
failure you're indeed a good teacher
send in blue devils
triumph never wish to be heard
pain and sorrow
nobody knows nobody experiences
shake my head silently
tidal wave drives me off to sea
fire defines inevitably sultry
nowhere to go no one to lie on
hard to watch the time
wake me up when the sun heats up
soulful ride shallow dream
allow me to live through damnable calamity

Craving For You

aww man, the exam finally started today, how i loong for today to arrive. dont you feel weird bout it, after this 2weeks' nightmare or shud i say sweetdreamland, i will have my own excessively wholesome hours to compete and too, i cant wait for it. yet if i really wanna talk about it, there's really nothing much i'll do except hanging out with peeps or studying at home, humorous huh, so you think i'll study?.. i'm kind of speechless at this moment. but somehow time changes, all right? i might be the one who nerd for hours each day, who knows? well, i find it inconceivable as well, what more to expect from the one who's reading this to believe or even have a petty thought of it. kekke, but hey, i will really nerd, for at least this year i guess. it all just depends, on my mood.

there are still 2weeks ahead, how am i gonna struggle through it without your support? please guide me and give a little bit of generosity; hint me some ways to get you. i am totally out of the being initiative kind, so dont put hopes on me. but i really do need you. this is true. LOL. you are the AIR that i breathe, you should really know... hehhe, hang on, dont expect anyone of you to be as important as it described as, you arent! lolz, just joking~

if you know me well and of course reads well with goodie eyesight, you might guess the one who has the force to be in my mind for so long and indeed, stand a very important position.

peace out.

Born to Try

it's in the middle of the chinese new year. i should be very excited but apparently, im not. it's not about stuff which involves gambling or money; it's totally nothing to do with that. i did a personality test few minutes ago, which i have done last year but didnt know the purpose of doing it over again just now; i was oblivious to the fact that it had to say about me last year, not until just now.

perhaps it's about the timing. i started to think deeply. friends i have a whole bunch but when it comes to soulmate, i think i have.. not to say none. perhaps subconsciously i really keep big problems to myself and if you are going to ask me, i have no idea is what i'll have for the question you ask. i dont like to burden people and i dont like others to worry things with me as well. it's not right i guess but i find it hard to open my heart and worse still when it comes to secret between me and another person, who cares if it's a he or she, i really am not going to tell. a lot of people confide in me but why cant i confide in them, as in big problems? i am no cynical, it's not like that. i do have faith in people but it's darn hard to really tell it to someone. small things like guys, luxuries, lifestyles and so on, i do tell. and what you think i have left out, is actually what i am facing. go figure.

a person confided in me; very special person. this person touched me intensely. in the absence of touching or being touched, people of all ages can sicken or grow touch-starved. what do you think? anyway, that person asked me not to tell anyone, i guess i have to keep it to myself again. worse still, it's somehow something slightly related to me. others' problems i like to hear and give my opinions on but, you know life's like that, it's easier to be said than done; when it really happens to you, you really not gonna do what you should do. sigh, i dont know how.

perhaps i am born to try it on my own. keeping big things to ourselves, do you agree?

Dreams

woke up from my sweet nap few minutes ago, i have discovered something. i dont think it's unique enough for me to post a blog on it, but still there's something always urges me to blog about it. something i feel about dreams.

i had a great time napping on my sofa. believe it or not, that place was and indeed, is the coolest place to take nap, not even my bed; my bed will only function well when it's bedtime. the sofa is placed right under the spinning-fan, how cool. i am never gonna go ahead writing about the ambience due to the temptation of it. aww, i feel like napping again.

back to the topic, what is it again? hehe, yeah dreams. i had a few dreams in just a mere two or three hours' nap. it all went well, not until i got to this that i actually feel that whenever we're having dreams or so, we have the right to stop it. yea, that's our prerogatives. well, i sometimes have this bovine stupidity to having a flying dreams, which is a dream that actually scares me and i will always want to get away from it. it is just too strong at times and i cant escape. it is gravely nerve-racking and intimidating most of the time. i was scared, dreadfully. again.

dreams can be wonderful and yet it can be horrifying. apart from the dreams i am referring to, there are still the solid dreams we make along our way. those are our motivations, i guess. everybody dreams. theorectical dreams make a flashback for some particular people whereas the solid dreams are what we can have our control on. it all depends.

remember, dreams may vary. of course, it's up to you. we can never have the same dream twice, in which we can be told by anonymous; we can never cross the same river. therefore, treasure every moments we share with others, including our foes'.

ditto the greetings.

Break!

today's the first day of my break due to the ding-dong festival, chinese new year. hehe, should you ask me how my feeling flows, i think i'll most probably tell you, well nothing much, just sort of excited to have a short break after these few weeks of struggles. it's awesome to be waking up late again. hehe, speaking of it though, i cant really sleep until afternoon, hehe, not suggesting it's a good habit though. it's just weird that i can no longer sleep that looong. is this a good sign?

once i look up, i see my calender. it reminds me of the examination that's approaching toward this lazy mind i'm gifted, feel bad now. hehe, perhaps someone who reads this will assume me of having mood swings, hehhe, i am not. just feeling lazy again, argh, my procrastination chases after me again, please leave me. it's human nature i guess, we can do nothing and we shall just leave it and let it be. this tedious chasing-after does no harm on me!

looking to my left, kekke kii..kii Kisses are on my sight. i grabbed it and ate it. ahha, it's the Hershey's Kisses. what a melting chocolate; melts my heart to the sweetest territory, at the moment.

anyways, merry chinese new year everyone!

Well

i miss my blog. although i have not much to release now, i just feel like blogging something here. just wanna write something. i have no idea what to write though. it's weird eh? but i'm sure if i keep typing with my hands, words will come to me. and i guess i'll surely come out with something. who knows, it might be. maybe not. hehe.

i just wanna say that i'm really exhausted. maybe it was because of my yesterday's over-reaction watching tennis. it was a tough match. and i'm glad that marat defeated roger. i'm just hoping to enjoy a hewitt-safin final right now. it's not too much to ask, isnt it?

well, i think those thoughts have come to visit me again. this thing i'm about to write really have been awhile emerging in my brain, mind or whatever you call that. well, sometimes i think having a really whole bunch of friends can be a problem. no offense though i really think so. you might be having a big question mark in your head now. all right, you know sometimes people tend to think that a person actually has a LOT of buddies and that they eventually dont go and look for them you know, talk to them. they dont because they have in mind that you, actually have a lot of friends and you dont need them to come to you. i guess, this is wrong.

let's put it this way, if everybody thinks the same way then the one with 'lotz of friends' will be lonely. do you agree? it's basically because nobody has the urge to go for them. this is sort of unfair to them. i am always a weird one. i like to make friends with people whom the others think that he or she is well, abnormal? i think this has happened since i was still in my primary school. i dont know why. hmm, honestly not really everyone, of course there are still someone that i dont feel like talking to. this is common, isnt it? i'm still a human, i need to express my hatred or refusal at times too. it's impossible that i like everyone in this world. it's not that i'm introvert or anything like that, but friends who know me truely know that i'm a sociable person, dont i? lolz. i'll leave that to you.

by the same token, it's illogic that everyone likes you the way you are. even the very famous and renowned, albert einstein for instance, honestly it cant be that every human beings in this world stand by his side right? does it make any senses to you? this is just my point of view. my intention of writing this is i seriously have no idea, hehe.

all of a sudden, i kind of doubt my own generosity. you know, i'm not saying that i'm very generous in doing charity or the likes, uhmm well, i dont know. sometimes i just have this feeling that i'm not me, am i really that generous and kind to people? im serious now; not being sarcastic at the moment. i really doubt it. i'm lazy. i admit that but most of the time when i'm in front of my dad; whenever he asks me to do fundamentally anything, i tend to drag it. and eventually, he thinks that i'm not being helpful. huh, i have no words to say. my mother, well, sometimes. keke.

i'm felling so moderate right now. you know, having this stand-fan beside me and i am still wearing my pinafore, having my hair down, having the sun still shining glaringly, i dont feel hot at all. you know it's like, you have to answer this emergency nature's call but you dont have to plunge into the toilet to deal with it. now that's the feeling. i'm not very happy and am not unhappy. hehe, i do smile to myself when i'm writing this coz it's kind of ridiculous to me. i dont know what you feel about it. maybe this post is kind of confusing or too long maybe? i dont know, whatever man!

chill.

No Idea

man, this is way too late. or better to say, early. this is unbelievable, never thought that i could actually stay up so late today (well, early? whatever!) because i am so darn tired. but today (still consider as today for me~!) was brilliant. as well as the day before.

i went for two parties consecutively these two days. whoever it is, i did have fun throughout the days. thanks for the fun i had. i took lotsa pictures with my cousins. keke, all went crazee!! jet, if you're reading this, feel the fun dude! we still miss ya! =) anyways, thanks for the cakes which has put me few kgs on, chocolate banana and tiramisu still linger in my mind.

i think i am still crazy despite the fact that this dummy is still awake writing her blog in the wee hours, so insane; as in into it. i was quite touched just now that there was a friend of mine actually rushed me to upgrade my blog. i'm just speechless right now. i wasnt really bothered about it as i was doing my stuff, but the words seemed to be floating in my mind. until now, yeah. so thrilled. perhaps that person was just trying to crack me up, somehow i take it seriously; funny case.

well, i've trim'd my hair today, just slightly shorter and i feel great with my reincarnated look. another alter ego is born without having my mom pregnant for another 9 months or something. this is crap, it's so late at night and i'm still crapping. what kind of person is this? hehe. argh, cant imagine if my mom ever gets pregnant again. oh no!! haha! i think bar-my is the word now. hehe.

gotta dive into my sweet land now. sweet dreams everyone. =)

Hey

what do ya normally expect from a schoolgirl to write? apart from doing homework, still homework. the teachers are great; they manage to mark our exercises just in time and give out exercises again. perhaps, we should appreciate their liberalities. they are hardworking in terms of our homework, we should also appreciate that and try our best. all right, whatever man! ever since the school started, i have been blogging about my school life, which is quite dull sometimes, hope you would bear with me. i have no signs of cracking any fresh jokes or any interesting stuffs. my mind is blinded by my homework, totally. my life is jam-packed. is anybody gonna set me free from this tension?

latterly i am having problems to write essays on account of my inept adroitness. this is saddening. time is like the pilots, dont wait for anyone. i hate the fact. i must work on something as soon as possible before it's too late to get my grade. well, it's never too late right? phew! holy twaddle, rubbish! it is always too late for me to actually realise that something has gone over the line. time, time, time! i am just too inattentive.

uh, having bad hair days. im gonna trim my hair and start anew. and dont be lazy to reach out your hand for vitamins. remember!

Out of the Blue

i was pumping my head doing my add maths exercises. i felt lazy all of a sudden and turned my face to this computer i'm looking at right now. i clicked on my brother's chinese blog and dared myself to explore it this time. i seldom visit his chinese blog but i just feel like browsing it without his presence this time. i never know why. i always have this feeling when i'm at a loss for words to describe my feelings; indescribable feelings that is. perhaps i have lack of vocabulary or in fact, i am. and now, that is so true. the feeling comes back to me again.

i miss you so badly
i still can't forget you
i dont wanna forget you
i hope you can hear me
the day you departed us
was the hardest day for us
things wont be the same again
without your stories and laughters
grandma i miss you suddenly

suddenly i'm sobbing.
suddenly i'm weeping.
suddenly why am i using so many suddenlys.

nothing lasts forever.

Stepping Stone

clumsy.

forget about the equation, i feel that the word mentioned above is the urge. just in case you happen to be experiencing a day in a life like i did today then you are worth to be laughed; although it's not the end of today, i guess what that has destined to occur on me is more than enough to burst you into laughters. talking about laughters, it sounds sort of exaggerated to me all of a sudden. anyway it is somehow related, at least it's coming from the same family in a sense of involving the same exercise for your mouth.

what happened wasnt just by flicking your hair back and when you turnaround, you didnt realise that there's actually somebody standing in front of you and then, you stumbled and fell. well, just assume that you have a long hair here if you dont. all right, guess i should prep my throat and spill it all out. well, first of all i set the alarm wrongly yesterday night and i never realised it until this morning when i actually woke up for another hectic day.

i thought i was getting late and plunged into the bathroom to wash my face, brush my teeth and all. when i came out from it, i was trying to check how much time left for me to have maybe a slower motion; as in i dont have to rush the hell out of it. and then, i know that i really did not have to rush; guess what, it was merely 4.30am in the morning. a very beautiful morning.

an usual thought of a teenager like me would have the will of diving into bed again, but it wasnt for me today. i guess this is all Fate. hehe, actually i did try that out. i didnt happen to sleep and trace back my sweet dreams again ( well, i guess it was, though i cant remember..) was because of the magical water that has kept me awake; i rolled on bed for half an hour only then that i finally moved! by the way, perhaps i should thank the water for keeping me rolling on bed.

anyway, being clumsy could be one of the methods; if you are willing to spend the time i spent on bed rolling to revise your work, then it is! guess it hasnt fated to happen on me so far.

1 Pillow & A Bolster

how long should i make myself to lie on bed each day? cant sleep without my pillow. and my bolster. and my comforter. hehe, whole set of it. sounds really greedy but everybody needs those. those are not luxuries but our needs; some things we require every night. well, whenever we feel like lying on bed to release our drowsiness or dizziness, whatever you call that. oh, i forgot my dog and my minnie mouse. hehe, i bet those are luxuries eh. *blush*

i am planning. 5ive hours? 6ix hours? it's no way gonna be 8ight coz i will be having this sort of feeling which is not capturing every second of my time well. in a minute, everything can change; in that particular minute might have the slight chance to own a footprint in my history.

i am so motivated right now. no confidence equals to no success.


***
be good. stay happy. take care.

Gosh!

this is the longest illness i ever got infected. i really dont have any words to describe my infection, if you ask me. this is too much! i cant talk smoothly now, let alone to sing. gosh, i cant express myself in a condition like that. pls hint me.

these miss you nights are the longest.

i miss my online dayz man! now that i am back to school, things noticeably have to have a change. i cannot online everyday the way i did in last two months. those were the days. this is the first day that i actually get myself connected to this computer contentedly. it's a really tough year to go indeed. i cannot predict my result but i do believe in determination and motivation. ridiculously, my friend just tried to motivate me. what did he say? he said...he said that he was going to buy me something if i really scored straight As. funny funny. despite knowing the aptitude of myself, i guess the chances are like next to none. but god knows! i am gonna endeavor my best anyway. believe in the old saying; strive hard while the iron is hot! lolz, this phrase reminds me of my alma mater's buddies who wrote that for me. thanks anyway.

i must put much effort in it in order to achieve what i want. i maturely understand that. i gotta learn to face all these on my own, now that i am alone. perhaps i am not now, but soon; is one thing i know. if you get what i mean.

give me my voice back!

First Day

first i got diarrhea.
then headache.
stomach disorder.
after that fever.
fell ill, until?

what the...?!! is this some sort of nerve-racking before school reopens? anyway, hope it goes away soon for it is the first day of nerding days.

a dusty-and-filthy-yet-moderate today. all-in and weary.

Hooray!

never will i ever write the year 2004 in my exercise books again; top right i mean. born at the year of dragon, the chinese astrology says that i'll lead a great year. well, what can i say? lilian too doesnt predict it well and accurate all the time, wait a minute, is this about feng shui aGaiN?? they are a lot of readers who are intrigued by her and also, being her faithful fans maybe? i guess this happens to the adults more. she's going way beyond the limit sometimes i think. wearing the so-called auspicious purple blouse and gives us a talk every year? come on, it's just her doing it. what's with the tickets then? go figure.

the above points out like i have a hatred for her, dont i? lolz. apart from saying what i've just mentioned about her, it'll be a holly crap if i do praise her of her impressive sense of humour. trust me, she's good at it. wondering if i would ever be her buff in any time soon, or in the future? hopefully i wont because i know i shant. *eyes rolling* hehe.

okay, it's the first of january of course, let's wake up to another year!! may all the best be with you! you, my readers! thanks for dropping by and stay tuned for more craps~!

Goodbye 2004!

blink blink!! it's nearly the end of the year. 22 hours to go i guess. what a hectic year i had. this is just so fast. one word, unbelievable! wondering how the year 2005 would be. could it be an apprehensive year? no doubt, it is! well, to me at least. sigh. guess i will be a total nerd next year, uh huh later!! i'm really anxious bout it. cant wait? perhaps.

by the way, when i flipped through The Star newspaper today, i came across a headline that caught my eye. it was this lady, Grace Chow who had passed away on the 5th of december i guess. hey guys please do check that out here. this is really touching, i nearly cried. another cold dark year, i can still remember my grandma died last year and i thought it was the unluckiest year, really. yet it seemed and proved to me that it was so obviously not. undeniably, tsunami wave swept lives away. heartbreaking and depressing.

all right, forget bout all the unhappiness. we cant always stay in the past and having the negative views. let's get positive people!!

welcome 2005!!

Not Myself

there's something that i feel but i cant tell what on earth that is. riding round and round in this melancholy, i feel so down. when i bring myself into this, i'm really feeling it. oh my, this is so absurd, so out of place. at the same time, i keep listening to billy gilman's hits. i'm falling in love with his voice man. i'm still riding, in the middle of nowhere.

tsunami victims, RIP.

Time to Chill

guess i've been playing gunbound all these while. friends were really introducing that game to me, but i didnt really get myself hook on it, coz i never tried. now that i've tried, no idea what it calls.. is this considered as a good thing?

i've already had the answer in my mind; if i do manage my time well then, it is and vice versa. next year is, beyond doubt a big year to me and a really tough year indeed. i have no idea if i can cope it well. the only thing i can do is just try.

ridiculously i tell myself every single year that i am gonna study hard and smart in the forthcoming year. it didnt really work out that way. why? sloth. i'm trying to tell ya that i'm gonna say that to myself again subtlely. lolz.

wish i could save myself from the well blocked up with lethargy. sigh. bored now. time to chill? not again, dont feel like doing anything. so how?

Do They Know it's Christmas?

It's Christmastime, there's no need to be afraid
At Christmastime, we let in light and we banish shade
And in our world of plenty we can spread a smile of joy
Throw your arms around the world at Christmastime
But say a prayer, pray for the other ones
At Christmastime it's hard, but when you're having fun

There's a world outside your window
And it's a world of dread and fear
Where the only water flowing
Is the bitter sting of tears
And the Christmas bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom

Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you
And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmastime
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life
Where nothing ever grows
No rain nor rivers flow

Do they know it's Christmastime at all?

Here's to you
Raise a glass for everyone
Spare a thought this yuletide for the deprived
If the table was turned would you survive

Here's to them
Underneath that burning sun
You aint gotta feel guilt just selfless
Give a little help to the helpless

Do they know it's Christmastime at all?

Feed the world
Feed the world
Feed the world
Let them know it's Christmastime again

by Band Aid 20

Research All the Way

life is simple. i can do it.

well, woke up in the morning today and the first thing that came into my mind is that little voice was asking me to buy next year's textbooks and exercise books. where's it? yea, my school. who was the little voice in my head eh? hmm, weirdo. this is unbelievable, time is consuming and i finally realised that i have a lot of virgin exercises piling up high. it seems to me that i can hardly finish everything off. but, i have to.

went straight to school for the books and of course, i had to buy for my younger brother as well. whoa! my brother's books are more expensive than mine!! kewl. later after everything's done, we just headed for lunch and got back home, both in one piece.

sigh. once i stepped into my room, i just had this sort of weird feeling that i have to do research. what?!! research again?? let's face it. i did do it. i do research until now. i manage to finish one out of five. my head is so dizzy over the information that i got. i am so slack right now. i dont want to do anything. i just want to have fun right now. afterall, i am flooded by my procrastination. well what can i say, that's me. phew, have to pick up the phone now.

by the way, 3 days to crimbo.

Excited

today was fun.

my ex-classmates and i went to mid valley today. hmm, there were 9 of us altogether. what an outing. it was like a total different feeling that 2 of us actually transferred and already have adapted into new environment. that's not it that matters but come to think of it, our relationships are just as close as we were. not to mention i did have a slight disappointment, just forget it though. this is the first time that i ever get to have lunch and dinner with friends. yeah, first time ever! this feels great even if i did was in a rush that i was gobbling down my piece of pizza, so greedily. yeah, you might think this is a total crap but i was having a great time. who cares? however, not to suppose me of getting home late. i got back real early. it was only 8. i could still manage to get home right in time for soup. yippie!

feeling a sense of reading a shaggy dog story eh? *lolz* hehe. no, it isnt. this is just as actual as the Newly-weds reality show you watch on television. the one with jessica and nick in it. well, this doesnt mean that i'm into them; not even one of them. no offense. i prefer ashlee! all right, i should stop writing on this topic. coz it will never end whenever i got myself having a self-styled discussion which is related to entertainment. hmm, now that i'm wondering if i ever get myself involved in debates that's connected with entertainment, will i ever win? *lolz*

i spent a lot today. spent a lot on gifts. spent a lot on food. spent a lot on bowling. you name it. anyhow and whatever it is, it's worth it. actually, this is a way of consoling myself i guess. money is spent, what to do?

someone's blushing. thanks for that couple of boxes, hehe. well, my belated birthday gifts. let's put it this way though; take it as extremely early gifts for next year's. =)

Guilty

this is my personal blog, i guess i have to be pretty-honestly frank when i'm writing this. i should and i have to and i ought to and i did and i do, for real. yes, everything that i put much effort on, i am seriously doing it passionately. no kidding. all right, up to the main post. my blog, it understands me and knows me well. knows me better than anyone else in the world. not even myself, well, i'm just uncertain bout it. phew. i should make this a more straightforward way but i cant do it. everybody will be reading this and one who reads this will know how terribly mean i am and how... civilised i am i guess.

rejection that smash straight to your face is really embarrasing but is it really that hurtful? i guess i know but i have no idea bout it. again, i did it. i didnt mean to when it's not my startout point in the first place. this really is not what i intended to do. i seriously feel the guilt now. i totally have lost my mind. i never know why i feel the guilt this time around. perhaps i know and pretending not to know; loyalty.

help me, i believe in something called Karma. guys, what goes around comes around; whatever befalls the earth befalls the sons of earth. i'm afraid this will ever happen to me in the future; the future that no one can ever predict.

i'm so sorry, you'll find someone better.
tight spot. hear me moan.

Pastime

my little brother leaves this house again; he's going out to play badminton with his friends. badminton, football, ping pong, and lotz more... those are not my leisure pursuits, it's his, my cute little brother.

should you ask for mine, i will never know how to answer you. just leave it to yourself; to find it out yourself. only if you really wanna know. but there's one, even if you do not wanna know i'm gonna share it with you. (seems like i'm forcing you to know huh! *lolz*) i have never noticed that i have this favourite pastime, at least not until today that i actually got to realise it. guess what, i like to read story books. i just cant believe that this actually has become my hobby once i left my previous high school. it could most probably be that life there was totally hectic and stressful and i didnt even have my own life. my textbooks gravely hogged my time. that's so terrifying and killing.

hippie, i just finished Life of Pi. it's an uplifting story. it requires intellectual thinkings i guess, you know it's instilled with religions which i'm so not clear about. my brain stops responding, truely oblivious to anything that happens around me whenever i put my hands on that book. i enjoyed reading that book, yeah!

starting another one later, Vernon God Little; my favourite book!! wondering why the book has already become my favourite even i havent already started reading yet? *lolz* actually i've scanned through a few pages earlier before i get the book. =)


14 days to christmas.

Given chances

it's good to see people of my age who can actually compose their own song and perform it. how i wish i could be one.

a friend of mine sent me a track that he and his friends composed themselves yesterday. i tried listen to it; although it wasnt a clear track but i can feel their determination working hard on it and it wasnt that bad actually. it's a nice song yeah. ridiculously, that song even woke my brother up. *lolz* the title of the song is nothing lasts forever. well, good try!! i tried listening to the lyrics of that song but let's just blame the mp3 player. sigh. *sniff*

i did write out some lyrics years back but i have thrown it all away. never know the reasons why i did that, it was indeed right from my heart but i just feel that those were you know, some kind of immature thoughts. only a few close friends got to share those craps, not even my family members. it's not that i dont share with them but you know, you have your inside worlds in different aspects. you have your inner thoughts for sure. not anyone in this world can share all of the secrets with you. for instance, certain people you'll tell them certain secrets but just not all of them. human beings are born like that i reckon, dont ask me why. there are always some secrets that we keep from other people, even it's the someone you share everything with, it's just that natural.

in recent times, i'm self-learning the guitar. things didnt work out the way i expected. i will not lift up the white flag though. not as soon. i must never give up on doing anything else. work it!! i can do it!! i need some kind of self-actualization i guess. can anybody please tell me that. playing guitar, yes or no?

so natural. blur.

A Gap?

it was a great pleasure to have met an ex-primary classmate yesterday when i was shopping for christmas gifts. if i'm not mistaken, guess it was at the British India outlet. i was particularly astounded, really, when i saw tht familiar face.

'hazel, how bout this?'

this looks-familiar-to-me girl was replying her aunt while i was beating faster subconsciously. i dared myself to lift my guts up though.

'hazel?'

her eyes told me that she was stunned.

'..carmen..?!!', i tried to jog her memory.

'ohh..hey!! carmen!!! how are you now??', she stroke me with that hey. this hey here indicates the surprised-hey, instead of the widespread-hey. it wasnt nice of me to be standing there with speechless-yet-slightly-opened lips, waiting for her to bum in another question.

we nodded at each other. tick-tocks away, we exchanged emails for our future use and left the cold air at the same place.

imagine, it has been 4 years of not-meeting and no gatherings that i have ever been to, so to speak, how could there be any conscious minds to start off any gap-less conversation. just a conclusion: we are both not the kind of person who can actually bridge the gap without stinting.

Another Day

after a sleepless night, i seriously am not sleepy. ask me why? no idea.

having holiday is so much fun although it's so boring at home. hey, at least i can have lunch with family. let alone family members are cool enough, it doesnt have to be bombastic-cum-expensive dishes. heh, having lunch with family is so much cooler than dinner man. not to mention breakfast; sometimes or should i say most of the time, once i wake up, it's already noon. my brothers? ditto. *laugh out loud* aiks, i, myself also havent any clue why having lunch is better. you tell me.

im so bored right now. no intentions to do my homework because i know earlier that my homework is never will be done. poor gurl. show me the way please. peace.

Fingertips on Air

apparently, i posted an invisible post. god didnt agree with my decision of posting it to be read by anyone. furthermore, i now dont have the urge to rewrite the same old thing that i wrote just now. again, my then feeling has changed after a relaxing shower. phew. therefore, i'll just let it be. perhaps, this is the will of god. or perhaps, he didnt want those words to be known by anyone; just dont let it be heard or seen. whatever.

i learnt a lesson though; not to fuss over things that dont seem to turn out the way we expected it to be. i was quite irritated when i saw the error that occurred on this flat screen minutes ago or should i say hours? and before you know it, i was already not in the mood of talking and everything.

before my emotion comes back and traces me, i ought to forbid my fingertips for being so agile right on top of these randomed-alphabets, roman numbers, and all to practice its speed any longer. i was walking alone on the boulevard of broken dreams. and depressed for real. inspired by the green day, thanks.

what am i typing? what am i crapping? what am i to do? where should i go? have i ever gone right? or havent i? what do i know? i dont know...

crappy lame post.

Believe

"Where?"

"Why, to the North Pole, of course. This is the Polar Express!"


a robert zemeckis film. believe. a masterpiece. 

"It doesn't matter where the train is going. What matters is deciding to get on."

seeing is believing. believe, it lies in our heart sooner even before you genuinely realise and touch it. you gotta decide it, yourself.

Staying Alive & Peace

i'm glad
when i'm waiting
tons of thoughts rush into my mind
it's so unpredictable
even when i'm walking with the time
it's ticking my senses away

i'm numb
at the very moment
holding my story book
with my fingers
hesitant in my mind
playing my thoughts again

still waiting
for the one to pick me up
every cars that passes by
keeps my nervous system
going insane and crazy

i'm confused
not knowing what's the purpose
somebody please tell me
the answer
for the zero i asked

carry on waiting
and still
waiting the time of your life
for the days will come
in the long run

then again
it's unpredictable
and so erratic

i'm perspiring
the unknown cells
tell it to my mind
think positively
it says

if you think you're one of the lucky ones
always bear it in your mind
if you're assuming
you're the unfortunate ones
you're wrong
there are way too many queueing
behind you
you wont notice it
by just turning around

think spiritually
it's just a matter of time

i'm broken
am like the fish
behind the glass
it's mine
me alone

i did i did
the tweety bird once cheered me
i think i saw a no one
she shrieked again

i swim again
behind the glass

yes alone
it's so sad
no one can hear me
in the murky water

they say
the world outside
has a deeper sea
can i swim
can i handle the pressure
it's hard to walk this path alone

dont you catch the idea now
we are one
in a world filled with colours
the story goes on


it's the world aids day. stay alive!
hold on to your voice behind you and think twice. you wont get infected by just a mere touch. be good to everyone else; especially them. you know who i'm referring to.

a friend of mine is celebrating birthday today. what a crash with the world aids day. no offense, dude. i might not be the first to wish you, but here's my sincerity. happy birthday, ant. would you like to request that song? =)

'you wont be infected by smiling and hugging them.'- sean p.diddy comb.

peace.

Contennial District Interact Conference 2004

i'm dead worn out! exhausted man!! no idea what makes me feel so, the trip was meant to be those kind of useful-thingy (tips) for our future. should i state the first day's programme down here and you tell me your views.

day 1
1400-1415 : interactors to be seated in the hall
1415-1425 : arrival of invited guests & rotarians
1430 : arrival of guest of honour district governor, dato' ir a.p. perumal
1435 : raising of flags
1440 : singing of national anthem
1450 : roll call of interact clubs
1500 : welcome speeches & key note address by the guest of honour
1600 : tea break
1615 : a talk on 'rotarians examples to youth by pp charlie chan
1700 : a talk on 'what's next after interact club' by pp zaini mufti
1745 : briefing on team building
1845-1945 : dinner
2000-2230 : performance by interact clubs & social activities
2245 : light supper
2300 : good night

so that was the first day. you can see that it's really healthy, needless to mention the consequtive days. i kind of appreciate it because it has changed my views of seeing things. i will not state it here but you may find it out yourself. i have no idea whether my friends have changed any but i can tell ya, i do. this is definitely for real. friends? i did meet a few of them. they were cool. they accompanied me when i was searching everywhere for a companion. by the way, it was still imperfect as i still had my lonely times. sigh. 'who doesnt?', you'd say, hehe.

guess next year i'm not going. the reason? no no, this conference worths it. the reason is just as simple as the h-u-g-e examinations i'm going to sit for. just as i think about it, i released a sigh of relief because i went to the conference. no regrets. big thank yous for my friends who enthusiastically wasted saliva on me. pardon? did i say the word 'wasted'? oh noo...
it was meant to be a joke, ignore it.

photos are attached hereby. enjoy!


i love it here, the serenity. 


rotary club of pudu.  


interact club of my school. cheers guys. 

'i dont know what your destiny will be, but one thing i know, the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who sought and found how to serve.' -Albert Schweitzer

Service Above Self. Create A Better Tomorrow.

Youthy Trip

for some reasons, i couldnt get connected for few days. now that i'm back, i have to leave for a trip to shah alam for three days. therefore, i must capture this opportunity to blog. else, i would have left my blog deserted for another few days. i just cant let myself to treat my alter ego like this.

wondering how the trip will be like... i'm just curious about it, but it doesnt really distract my activities or motions. kinda weird huh? it cracks my head; not the trip but this odd feeling. this looks so seemingly familiar to me when it's not in reality. how could this be?

for your information, it's held by the interact club. yeah, i've finally made up my mind. i'm going. i'm taking off tomorrow. be good, i'll be back. hehe, you're definitely allowed to miss me when i'm not here. muaks!

Perfect

Practice makes perfect.

what a simple one which a lot of people come across and are always telling the younger ones or their friends about it. i mean, everyone is telling one another just to get something done.

everyone has their own limitations. we cannot force ourselves to do something we do not want to do and out of the league. we need to stand on the ground, firmly. we must not get carried away. the first and foremost, just do our very best. for everything. examine our goals and strive through it.

human beings tend to get jealous or envious about their partners or friends easily. stop thinking whoever around you that's having this problem, it might be you. yeah, you! do you ever notice why they can get such great achievements? no, it's not that they're born with gifted talent or divine, but their perspiration. the only difference is that they've already realised their goals and started to perspire indefatigably earlier than we do. have you?

i dont mean to struggle to break out of the limits, it's not the way it should be though. just try our best. everything has its limits, keep that in mind pals. allow me to voice my heart out. practice makes perfect? come to think of it, nobody is perfect in this world but on the other hand, we are told 'practice makes perfect'. what, is it a quandary? here the same saying goes again, this is life. we have to get on with life and life goes on. and so on.

i'm sorry i cant be perfect...

Tiramisu

can you believe this?? haha, colleen celebrated my birthday just now with my friends!! a really belated birthday!! exactly a month, even later than that! i really appreciate it!!! it was so much fun spending time eating the voracious, lip-smacking tiramisu!! wow, it was soo cool!!

this is all planned! god has given me another big surprise this time around. i woke up late today; overslept. keke, when i finally fought my way there, colleen told me that there would be a debate later on, it was so startling!! i had nothing filled in my mind, except the schedule of visiting the hell and forecasting what to do next, coz i was most probably not familiar with the hell-thingy, hehe. put aside the debates, i did took part before. hey, at least not today!! what a rush when i had already overslept and greeted everyone wrongly in the morning!!

my oh my, tiramisu, i even licked the rich cream, with my tongue of course, haha.. the 'birthday girl'!! hmm, planning to go out again for movies haha!! =) what a wonderful morning, words cant really describe my feelings right now. i'm just beggaring description over this!!

it's really made my day!! hope everything goes right later on. muakss!!

Tiramisu, Tiramisu, tiramisu... awww!
zillions of thank yous to Secret Recipe for coming out with such incredible recipe!! there're still some left in the fridge, gonna eat it now!! so long, farewell and ciao!!! *laugh out loud*

Family Chill

i met him finally!! he has put on weight, hehe!! he told me that he's gonna keep fit, how funny he was!! then i was like, 'Nooo!!'. anyway, you cant expect your grandpa to keep fit right? moreover, he's still considered as one of the skinny ones even though he's put on weight. he's not big-boned!! =)

this family reunion was actually for my beloved grandma who left us peacefully last year. she was fighting against the liver cancer ad something like that. i dont wanna elaborate more on that coz i will really get emotional. all right, so that was her first anniversary according to the Chinese calender. everyone who's part of the family came yesterday but let's omit the absence of one of my uncles being abroad in russia for his business. we definitely understand that.

when it reached its climax of the day, my o'lil cousin sista wanted to take her nap! so, me being her lovely cousin sista, created a so-called Carmen's Lullaby for her. you might know what it was, go figure! *wink*

Later after that, they came up with a suggestion; to catch a movie. Shark Tale i guess. it'd be fun to go with them, but the thing was i had already seen the movie. furthermore, i had to get on shift later that day. i really wanted to go with them, but sigh...

so that was the end.

Numb

havent been blogging for days, i miss it so much. ever since i started my part-time job, i feel like my days are jam-packed. it just feels so. it's really tiring although i dont have much to do. wake up in the morning, go to school in search for some roars which is a total joke, come back home for slightly a rest then get off to work; this is my circle of each day. except for the days i skip school. these days wont be long though, the holiday is just around the corner. 4 more days to go, i think.

there will be a family reunion this sunday at my grandpa's place, cant wait to meet all of them especially my grandpa; wondering how he has changed since the last time i met him. i've been waiting for that day to come so desperately. in addition, i missed out a lot of opportunities to visit him despite my hectic days and the time didnt match. what a world i live in! or should i say a coincidence? there are never gonna be barricades in front blocking my way there this time man!

talking about reunion, it brings me into another confusion. i have been frowning for days (yes, days!) to decide whether or not going to a conference held by the interact club. i am indeed an interactor, for that matter. and now, another big question mark's in my head!! a primary 6 reunion that is. i havent made up my mind just yet. the excuse for not going would be my job. yet, here it rows again, my mind. please show me the ray of light, to go or not to go?

i am made numb by the decisions i have to make and sorry for bugging you. you know who you are. so sorry and thank you by the way.

***
chill out corner: Bush won! what a lame joke!
it doesnt affect me much though, i mean why should i?

-End-

one word.
exhausted.

no more october rains, my lovely october.
and hello november!

Dainty Havoc

just cant make up my mind. according to the horoscope, a libran can hardly make his/her decision easily. it contributes a lot of scratching the hell out of your head. this is sooo ... me.

i've always found myself in dilemmas. whenever i want to do something, i just cant do it readily. it's either the other side of my brain asking me not to do or just do it! it's times like these when i got stranded.when i ask for others' opinions, they'll just ask me to think about it and figure it out by myself. what's the point of it? i mean, if i know what to do then why will i waste my saliva and ask something that i have already had my final answer? you close the door behind you and do you ever turnaround when you're in a rush? probably no. does it all even make sense to you then?

my emotions are always ruined by the unexpected occurrences. i believe everybody feels the same too. a typical malaysian will just keep everything on the low and go with the flow. what's with the others then? we have the clue.

i'm in a predicament of trying to decide whether or not to take the part-time job.

Wrong Decision

oh man, i shouldnt have gone to school today!! i am still regretting right now. grr- i was sooo boring sitting in the classroom doing nothing because the teachers arent teaching due to the numbers of students who are absent today. well, even if the whole class are present, the teachers wont be teaching as well. sigh.

how could that be, the first double period were pjk lesson and didnt know what could possibly caused me of being such lazee that i just didnt feel like streching my body today. how sad. i know earlier that it would be a total boredom. you know, teachers are not teaching anymore so what's the purpose of going to school? it cant be that going to school to communicate with others right? other schools are already having their school holiday break, just not my school. it's unfair.

go to school is not a problem, but please give us something to do. i mean, not same old exercises, how bout a quiz? i know it's too much to ask from this school. hey, this is not anything regarding to prejudice, this school's teachers will never have quizzes with us. i'm wondering what they expect us to do in the classroom. apart from self-studying i mean.

err, i feel that i'm a fastidious person all of a sudden. *blush* think i need to do explanation, as i am totally not that kinda person, hehe! sure you guys know me well. but talking about characteristic, i do admit that i can be really indecisive at times. well, i think i'm afraid of making the wrong choice or decision. look, what have i done? what a minor mistake this time around. =)

Malay Torture

especially when it's malay period, i feel the pressure most. the teacher kinda overestimate us, ya know. sometimes we just cant satisfy her, her mood is like the weather; sometimes she's fun to be with, sometimes oh, better not mention. and you know what i actually mean by that i guess. hilariously, she can walk really fast, just like the way when we used to involve ourselves into longrun competition, heh, i challenged her today. it was funny, she cracked me up in the early morning when i was on my way to meet my form teacher to inform her bout our class' attendance. she actually made my day by saying 'look, you much younger and you can walk faster than me, obviously!' then i was like,'heh, thank you and let's challenge again until we meet again!'. 'okay', she laughed. this feels great when you're either making jokes with the teacher or have some time off with them. well, it actually depends on the way the teacher responds. i had a 4-period of malay consequtively!! man, that was quite boring. the teacher was just teaching us the konserto terakhir, only! even though the novel is interesting, as i've admitted before, the teacher shouldnt do that to us when it's obviously next year's syllabus. ridiculously, she's more nervous than us, who are supposed to sit for the SPM next year. she makes me feel like time really flies and it's like, tomorrow is exactly my honour to sit for the SPM!! admire her man.

Runaway

apparently, i had an enormous day with yee yi but now that everything just doesnt go my way, i feel depressed. i know, i shouldnt feel this way but it's just out of my control. [i wanna yell out loud, but i cant. i wanna do it, but i dont have the ability. i wanna gain experiences, but i'm not allowed to.] ...by now.

this is just somewhere only i know, the spot where i stand, no one can give me the precise answer. perhaps, things will go my way. hello, is there anyone out there to mend this fragile heart?

let's runaway.



no, i cant!

Unbelievable

as usual, i had to go back to school and had my lessons!! eww man, i was quite mad actually. it was my add maths lesson, my teacher didnt teach us anything as he claimed that next year's syllabus will be really tough and it will be impossible to just teach us this year; when everyone's losing their mood and craving for the yummy holiday, without a textbook, that's fine though! my teacher was talking crap in the first place with the guys sitting in front; guess he was too bored at the moment, then i took out my malay novel, konserto terakhir, and started to flash it all as soon as possible, for your information, it was really an interesting story and yeah, it's about romance!! well, it's considered a good one as to compare to other malay novels. frankly, i didnt read the previous novels, i mean malay novels here. those were all about wars!! eew!! and sigh. back to it, when i found myself started to yawn, *blush* (as i didnt get enough sleep the previous day) then i dived into my dreamland. of course with my teacher's presence and i bet he knew it! when i was sleeping in the middle of nowhere, i heard a tip-tapping on the windows with a cane, *roll my eyes* beside me and i was awoke by it. once i woke up, i found my 'meticulous' principal standing outside scolding me, i was frightened! not being exaggerated, i have never been scolded by any principals, i was shocked for sure and didnt dare to turn my face at all. i just stared at my drawer and listened, well yeah, pretended to be!! then she came into my classroom and walked around to shoot people; keke, one of my classmates was soo unfortunate that he was dragged downstairs to do some useless thingy. i was no doubt, relieved. i was so embarrassed! but my friends told, a lot of students have been a victim before and it's totally ridiculous that we can never sleep in the classroom, even when the teachers arent teaching and the time when we've finished our exam papers!! it turned out that there's a rule written that once we've finished our exams, we are not supposed to be sleeping but to check the answers all over again and again! this is totally out of the mind!! i cant help myself from sleeping man! anyway, this is a real joke to me!

then it went off to account lesson, which i always find it a boring lesson, surprisingly, today went on quite well. i kinda enjoyed the lesson, wondering why now.

nothing much to talk bout my account lesson and here goes my malay lesson, i didnt like it very much but it's always a pressure to attend this teacher's lesson, she pushed us so hardly man, and is always picking one of us, students to answer her terrifying questions. i managed to cope with that though, of course, whenever i face difficulties in answering, there are always friends there to help me out, appreciate it man! well, this teacher is qualified as a dedicated teacher, really. i am considered the lucky ones to be under her actually. so, thank God, that's all i can say. after that, everything went on quite well.

when it comes to my tuition, there were six of us who were actually intended to take lifts by two taxi drivers but it turned out to be really unbelievable!! guess what, the six of us actually sit in the one cab and headed to our spot, be more precisely, the seven of us!! you figure it out, an easy one! that was really incredible!!! i believe this incident will be footprinted into my memory!! this is utter absurd; dont know why, i just have this unsolved feelings.

woah!! cant believe i'm writing this now, it's already the next day!! funny, i'm gonna dive into my dreamland again!! hehe, this time will never get interrupted or anything!! or perhaps something, then it will be the ghosts and the likes!!! ewww, look out, my goosebumps!! *laugh*

mottos

came across a forwarded message via email and discovered these. i'm gonna live with these from now on! thanks, dear.

activity gets you busy, productivity gets you results; activity consumes time, productivity frees it.

stop analysing life. just lives it. analysis is what makes it complicated. your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. you are worrying because you are analysing. worrying has become your habit. that's why you are not happy.

uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional. pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

diamond cannot be polished without friction. gold cannot be purified without fire. good people go through trials, but don't suffer. with that experience, their life become better, not bitter.

problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons to Enhance Mental Strength. inner strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you are free from problems.

if you look outside you will not know where you are heading. look inside. looking outside, you dream. looking inside, you awaken. eyes provide sight. heart provides insight.

success is a measure as decided by others. satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. you work with the compass. let others work with the clock.

always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. always count your blessing, not what you are missing.

when we suffer we ask, "why me?" When we prosper, we never ask "Why me?". everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want to be on the side of the truth.
seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. create it. life is not a process of discovery, but a process of creation.

face your past without regret. handle your present with confidence. prepare for the future without fear. keep the faith and drop the fear. don't believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve.

life is wonderful if you know how to live.

TV shows

i've always liked the Oprah Winfrey show and i watched it just now. it featured Greg Behrendt on this episode, one who writes for HBO's Sex and the City. he talks about his he's just not that into you; promoting his book i reckon. heh, obviously. i enjoyed watching the whole show with this comedian's jokes and yet comes with serious statements which are quite realistic.

not only did i learn from the Oprah Winfrey Show this time, there were a lot of reviews in the past episodes which taught me ways to handle things calmly without fears. it sometimes even requests tears from me and guess what, it used to be one of the materials for me to write something about death in my essay. =)

alright, i'm liking the Wade Robson Project as well, this season's winner, Tyler Banks really did his thing. i'm glad he won in the long run. i was so nervous sitting in front of the tv when Wade announced the winner of this season. guess they're scheduling another season, cant wait man!!

TV shows, i like it all. they're my companion when i'm alone; the time when this computer is monopolised by somebody, hehe. no offense, dear. what i really mean is, the existence of television really rocks a lot of loners' world!

Foodie

I am Gourmet Girl Click on the picture below to read more: Take the 'What Kind of Girl Are You?' quiz at CookingToHookup.com

Evening Post

goodbye to the rainy day.

with my current mode, i like the weather now better. i've always liked the rainy days, not these days in the evening though, especially when i'm feeling glum.

as i came back from a friend's church, i walked a short distance in the rain alone just now. it was just a mere drops of tears from the sky on me, but when it started to cry unstoppably heavy, i found a shelter and called my mom there to bring me home. thanks for the help of God, for sending such a kind-hearted worker there to lend me a hand. i lurve my home, it's the best place which i can let my hair down and feel so beautiful.

perhaps, life is really beautiful. we just gotta see it and feel it.

Suffocate A Devil

human are born to learn and experience things in life. the world is inexhaustible; it wont stop moving and will be moving any moment.

we should really understand what we want and do it in advance; not to plan though, you're just making an excuse out of yourself. i have been doing a lot of things and yeah, experienced a lot; either on my own or with somebody's help, but right now i have no idea the purpose of doing so. i was just swinging the pendulum for every seconds to flow; nowhere to go.

people put efforts on doing something but got the feetbacks that's just simply letting you down and wretched. i'm totally depressed and sick of all these things. look up and you could see the flat out ceiling on top of you, feel it. do you think life goes fairly reasonable? without hesitation, sometimes it does. but, what happen to the other times then?

it's bad enough when people's already feeling disappointed and you dont even try to console, why do they still, insist of wanting to increase the frustration of them then? what is the point of it? dont you think it doesnt make sense at all?

be fair to everyone around you, and be good. then, you will be loved.

A lipid - cool

You are a lipid. You know whom you like and whom
you hate, and you like hanging out with people
who think like you do. People who disagree with
you annoy you to no end. You either love
Abercrombie and Fitch or you despise it, but
there's no middle ground. You're polar.


Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Move On

sometimes i just wonder why...
people involve in relationships will draw themselves so deeply into it and when it comes to breaking-up, they just cant move on eventually. aint it over?

teenagers who allow themselves to step into this kinda world at the very young age should be aware of it. as we know, it's just what we've been saying; the puppy love. we havent a clue on the inconceivable future. our minds dont function to that case though genius you could be. why dont they just move on and be happy? i'm not against to starting a relationships but we should love ourselves before we love someone, am i right? in foreign countries, they seem to start these even earlier, do they know what's the point of it, for that matter.

relationships can be really pampering at times. yet, we should know how to avoid the circumstances, like a fight, maybe? in conclusion, just let it all flow by itself, things will eventually turn out to be all right. there's nothing to worry about. crying over spilt milk is no use a battle. com'on dear, just walk out the impossible and move on easily. cheers. and please bear in mind to treasure what we have right now, we might lose one of them the next moment, who knows?

love and peace.

Idols

she definitely deserves this.

sophisticated. stunning. awesome. elegance. remarkable.
first ever malaysian idol, Jacklyn Victor.

i am embarrassed to say, the finale was the only show i watched.
and it was spectacular. it was a total unbelievable.
congrats, jac who brought us a great yet-to-be-released single, gemilang.

kelly clarkson and clay aiken are my idols, no doubt.
well, no comments on the other idols.

A Rush of Fun To The Head

everything's over. this feels awesome!! what a word, brilliant! Cool, life's never been better, i mean the fake plastic nightmare had gone. i know, it's gone for only a really limited period, but at least i can try to do something i've always wanted to do in this upcoming relaxing days. well, not so relaxing actually, God will never let us feel the great refreshing day. He'll at least let the troubles find you or the other way round: we find troubles. For instance, He'll guide us to the wrong conversation, or coincidentally, having me to say this out for you guys to have ideas on his Generosity. well, without Him though, we wouldnt be so successful right now, i mean at least we have a little achievement. Not reaching for the very high goals, i just mean the very little. great thank yous. wait a minute, what about the culprits? did he purposely plan those? sigh. i'm telling Him, even if i have a really fragile heart at times, my heart wont crumble so easily. i'm gonna set things right! this is exactly what He wants: test our determination, i guess.

today's been great to me. i went out to have some fun with friends and skated out the realisation to having such tremendous fun to heh, getting a life i would say. let alone be the great fun, just enjoy it.

planning what ter do in the holiday...

Get Born

i went to genting highland today. nothing special about it though, just genting highland. but, today means a lot to me.

i received a lot of phone calls today and thanks to those who have wished me. thanks dear. i appreciate it. this is truely comes from the bottom of my heart. birthday, it doesnt have to be a grand celebration. seriously, i used to think that birthday, you have to celebrate it with the blowing-candles-ceremony. this is ridiculous. really riddikullus. sigh.

now that i have grown up, (well not totally grown up), i tend to think that those celebrations are for kids but i dont mean having those kinda celebrations are meaningless or whatsoever, no offense. well, sometimes it is necessary too. sigh. oh, i'm in dilemma man. but, come back to it, it just doesnt have to. i mean, the only thing that's important is that, we know there are someone out there to care and concern about you. that is what that matters most, i believe.

sixteen years before, i was still an unborn child. guess what, i am experiencing my sweet sixteen today!! how time passed!! yet, have no idea whether it will be a sweet one; just have to live through it. i still have a long, long way to go.

anyway, happy birthday to me and those who are actually celebrating their birthdays today. happy birthday. and once again, thanks to those who have wished me.=)

stunned..speechless

her voice. her body. her soul. her looks. her piano. her hair. her band.
everything about her.

went to her first world tour in stadium negara, kuala lumpur. malaysia.
came out on stage with the very striking, Karma, off her latest album.

the song list is endless. still playin in my mind man. still in awe.





queen behind the piano. 



awesome.




alicia keys. the one and only, queen of r&b.

Rain. Oh, A Rain To Remember!

It rained cats and dogs just now; really heavy. I didnt know how to go back, now that I'm here, hints that I am home right now, safely. Thank God. I was running in the rain and I had never thought it turned out to be that great. I havent been running or rushing in the rain for quite some time; it's been years, I reckon. Accompanied by a friend; someone I had never in my life thought that I would run in the rain with, I had this exuberant feeling that I wanted to play in the rain just now. I know it was impossible though, for your information, I didnt want anybody to assume me as a maniac. Sigh. We just got connected and this is the first thing we do together, pleasing enough.

That rain was genuinely nostalgically evoking. It brought me back to my alma mater's time. Man, I missed it! I liked playing in the rain with my then best friend, if you're reading this now, guess you know it. Best friend remains in my heart, still.

First day of my examinations, it has nothing much to talk about. I'm just welcoming the other subjects, what to do. Damn, I'm feeling weak, could it be the rain or something? Gotta take a short nap anyway.

On My Way Home

Smiled, looking out. 

I was on my way home, from somewhere. Looking out the window, I wasnt sure whether i was posing it or saw something caught my eyes. I smiled. I was surrounded by the night; I realised that nights are always similar to an anonymity. We are thousands and thousands miles away from the stars above the sky; under them and we dont even really observe it with our eyes, to discover the changing course that truly happens every day.

What's wrong with the world now? Disasters, as well as calamities are happening sooo like the times we wash ourselves every day. Terrorisims? Same equation. Anyway, accidents are boiled with the recklessness or whatsoever, the anger that lies in ourselves. Innocent legs should cross the road with a sense of guilty, look both sides around for the very protected safety.

Those who are involved, get well soon, my friend; those who are sacrificed, rest in peace. Nights are conspicuous; treasure our lives, well at least for the nights.

Long Time Coming

Can you whisper in my year? Where have you been?

Exams are coming. Exams are approaching. Exams are killing!!-Nothing much, i just want to find some space to holler the words out. People pass me by would have presumed I'm a lunatic, if i ever shouted it out.

My tasks been piling, it wont ever stop piling. Not even when the examination arrives sooon. I wonder why the teacher's been willing to give us that much homework, do they consider themselves as those dedicated teachers? No questions, some of them does. Especially the one who's on my mind right now, at least at the moment. Hilarious, there will always be someone, as in teacher who's really qualified as a dedicated teacher on my mind, why am i saying that then? Sigh..

Examinations been mudding me. I am made dizzy by it. How strong it could be.. There's only one week left, oh my, I dont have the guts to face it. Again, where have you been? You'll show up right through me, when the time comes, why? Because i deserve it..and it will be.

My guts.

Missing

Just drop by to release some words. I couldnt keep it inside anymore.

i miss my friends.

The one-day visit has made my day. But sadly, time wont stay still.

Contented

Flashbacks of lifestyles and experiences for the past three years in chong hwa has come back to my mind, vividly.

I was so nervous awaiting today to arrive. I kept on pushing pressure and negative expectations to myself, about how my long-time-no-see's friends in chong hwa would have to say about me. I was so stupid and been a nuisance yesterday, asking my recent friends to accompany me, or something. Though i know it's never gonna happen.

I arrived at chong hwa really early today, and was the centre of attraction, as i'm the only one who's without the usual pinafore that i used to wear. Thinking bout the days, i kinda feel like turning back the time. Poor thing, there's no time machine in this world, or maybe there really is, i wouldnt have the opportunity to make a turnback. That's life, i gotta live with it, since i've made my decision. Fortunately, i'm blessed with some good friends right now.

My friends were great. And some unexpected things happened, i feel totally awesome. My friends and i had a few conversations, with the ex-classmates and the double-the-ex-classmates. Then, we went to have our same old spot to have our delicious pizza, i was so damn full man! The havent-heard-for-some-time's laughing came back again!

The only thing that made me feel bad was my ex-headmaster! He just discharged from the hospital for having heart attack few months ago. Well, i saw him today. He's put off his weight and i'm quite sad about it. Hope he'll recover very soon. He was such a great headmaster. He talked to me today, again!! The day i left the school, he actually talked to me and took a photograph with me. I really love him.

Anyway, time has passed. Gotta pick up the pieces of mine to start off my tasks and the final examinations before the long break.


The au revoir has brought me the biggest awe. Friendship will never end but i'm afraid the relationship will get strained. Friends forever is no doubt, dude.

Open your eyes

Facing the same scenery every day will make us feel the boredom, i moved the furnitures in my room to feel the satisfaction back again. i wanted to have a change, that explains the purpose of doing so.

Looking up at the ceiling in my room, i can tell it's purely white. We wake up every morning and what is the first thing that comes to your mind? What's the first thing that you see? What's the first thing you do? And, what's the very first thing you wanna see, do and think of? Sincerely, no one will really dare and even not wanting to open their eyes.

I dont mind struggling every day and rush my way to school every day to meet up with my friends and attend some lessons that is utter hokum, i just want a simple life; not as hectic as the day in this city nowadays. I wanna take a rest, com'on, dare me to move. I will still carry on with this lifestyle. Anyhow, i can fight no more and i am drowning inside, precisely.


'If one hand could become the symbol of our independence, think what all our hands combined can do for the nation!'- The Star newspaper.

We are responsible for the place that we presumed as our homeland, how can i ever forget my homeland's independance day? Never. Anyone here proud to be a Malaysian? Look up for the title of this article before you answer this question.

Happy Belated National Day!!